Equation

√2 = 1.41

❝ Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is a process; working together is a success. - Henry Ford ❞

The view was inverted just like my life. Things were not where they were supposed to be. From everything to nothing. And all it took was a snap of fingers. It was just that easy.

I was on my back, gazing the fluorescent painted ceiling which probably described my whole life. My eyes treaded the realm I always lived in but was afraid to admit about it. It was well known, that perform well in the first few years of your academic life and you're expected to continue the same with the rest of your life – no matter how you felt, or what you wanted...or just if you could carry on or not.

I turned my face to the side where my phone lay, unblinking of any message when the screen lightened itself followed by a beep. Immediately, I grabbed the device and opened the message by Jason:

you know what starts from C? cranky .... and clever. oh, and claire, which is the best thing in the world.

An involuntary smile spreader across my face as I read the words and flash backed to the entire conversation we had where Jason was being himself – the helper, the one distributing smiles like he got paid in millions for it.

I started to type back: Can you hear me laughing? Um, no! The whole school must be talking about me, right? :(

"Send," I murmured under my breath and tapped the icon mentioning the activity. His reply came almost spontaneously that I wondered if he already knew what I would reply with and had already typed up his response.

oh come on i bet we're the only ones talking about you, because seriously, hillary's ruined up make-up is a much more interesting topic than you.

A smile quirked up my face again as I typed my next response: Gosh don't say that, J! That was rude! Anyway, what are you doing?

waiting... his reply came.

I hated how I had to prize words out of him, like grains out of concrete, but if that was the price I had to pay to have him as a friend, I could've said that I got the cheapest bargain for the best product: for...?

This time instead of a beep on the phone, a voice rang in the room – haunting and stopping my heart for a fraction of the clock.

" – you to look back."

Startled, I swung myself over the bed into a weird sitting position which I knew for sure would work as a blackmailing device later for Jason, and pushed back my hair from the face. "Jay?" My voice came out a bit squeaky and more choked-up.

He stood by the threshold, one hand on its frame, the other clutching his phone. He offered an uncanny grin before letting go of the door and still smiling, entered the room to beside me. I had still been on my knees, looking shocked to see him so soon, and felt alive only once he spoke and pushed me.

"Hey C, missing me already?" He poked a finger to my cheek and playfully pushed my face back. Everytime he did that, it only made me rile up even more.

"Uh," I groaned and slapped his hand. "Get your hands off my face."

"Somebody sounds angry today," he laughed and pulled his legs up to make himself comfortable on the bed.

"And you're a real help," I shot back and turned my face away to the window to look at the setting sun and the birds flying back to their abodes. It appeared as if the sky was set on fire and was spreading down to the earth and to burn everything and anything. And all that would remain would be the black and gray ash - the night.

The door creaked open, pulling me out of my thoughts and we snapped our heads to its direction. It was mom. She appeared leaner and paler than before. My eyes diverted to her legs, how she walked with a limp after the operation. Even so, she would never cease to work and there she was – holding a tray of cups and refreshments.

"Hello Jason," she greeted and flipped the blanket off the bed to place the tray on it. "Haven't seen you in a while."

To help her with the cups, Jason stood up and moved towards her for a hug. "It's a pleasure seeing you again Jane. How're you doing now?" he asked hesitantly, his view partially directed at her leg as he helped set the cups.

With the kind of charm Jason had, it made it almost impossible for anybody, let alone elders to not like him.

"Much better after the operation, thank you sweetheart." She ran a hand over Jason's hair who did not seem to mind it at all, and smiled. And this would perhaps be the first and last time that she would trust a boy with me or she would actually look up to someone without a sceptic eye. "How is school going?"

Just as soon as the words had flown out of her mouth, I felt a thorn stuck in my throat even when I was not the one supposed to answer the question. I stole a nervous glance at Jason but he looked rather calm, like it was all under control. Either that or he did not care – which was not much of an option.

"It's going well. The syllabus has been increased, papers toughened and teachers, well, like the usual," he said, throwing his hand up in the air and exhaling a deep sigh, "our enemy. It's been tough year – with all the courses changed as well."

Jason had just thrown the opening card for me and with my eyes still fixed at my mother, I ascended the corners of my lips in appreciation.

"Do not worry," she said. "Everything will be all right. Study hard." When finally she could not muster the strength she required to stand up for this long duration, she bent low to take a seat on the bed. "How's Patrick and Nina?"

"They're good," Jason replied. "Dad's gone for a trip to Chicago, apparently it's some huge deal he can't miss. Mom and I are alone for a while."

"Oh, dear," mom started out smooth with concern in her eyes. "Come over sometime, I don't think you need an invitation. If there's anything, do tell us, okay?"

His eyes gleamed with an emotion which resembled wonder and respect, and it was even more evident through his occasional blinks, lashes and smiles. "Sure thing," he breathed out.

" I'll leave you two to your own. Have a nice time." With that, she helped herself get up with much difficulty while I avoided any eye contact that I manage until I heard her retrace her steps and close the door softly behind her.

After a moment of silence when neither of us spoke a thing, I decided to snap ourselves of whatever had been going on in our minds. "So," I began abruptly, "what's your dad bringing for me?" I grinned wide like a two year old and raised my eyebrows in wait of an response.

"Uh, let's see," Jason started with a deep tone and pretended to be in thought. "I don't think he is going to because - " he paused and then continued, "I told him not to." He swirled around and lifted his hand to pinch my nose.

Almost instantly, I swat his hands away and repeated, more annoyed than angry at his tease, "I said to keep your hands away from me."

"Oh." Jason pulled his hand in air, his fingers dancing in the air. "Did I touch the wrong nerve?"

"You i***t!" I grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it right at Jason's face. I had expected for my aim to miss the mark, like it usually happened but instead, the pillow went to hit right into the bull's eye.

Or for a better translation, Jason's eye.

"Ow," he cried and collapsed down to the floor, his palms pressed tightly at his eye as he yelled in pain.

"I'm sorry." I rushed over to Jason and knelt down beside him, attempting to separate his hand from his face but it was useless. He kept on screaming like a baby and making me feel even more guilty. "Come on, look up," I begged in remorse.

And then out of nowhere, he suddenly took the pillow which had been lying beside him and smacked it onto my back – continuously, without a break.

"Gotcha!" he yelled into my ears while I was still struggling to figure out what that was and after he had made sure that his revenge was complete, he stopped. He forced himself onto the bed, throwing a complacent and caustic smile my way.

Clearly irked up by now, I walked over to sit beside Jason and to speak him, albeit I did not know what to speak or how to react. So I just ended up staring blankly at him when after much thoughts and smiles, we found ourselves breaking out into fits at our kindergarten behaviour.

"I always win," Jason declared, pretending to hold a trophy.

"By crook," I retorted, letting out a humourless laugh.

"Losers just need an excuse." He glared at me with the winner-look and intentionally adjusted his collar and hair to infuriate me even more.

And clearly, he was loving it.

• • •

By the time dinner was ready, we were settled down with our regular differences and fights which had been stretching on for years since we first met – fighting for the first ride of the slide.

"So," dad asked scooping his food from his plate. "We thought that you had forgotten about us, huh?"

I looked up to Jason, giving him a smirk to carry on with his charm and try to tackle the conversation with my father. And as it proved out later on, I was wrong. He could do anything with the talks he had in store.

"Apparently, I've not. I've just grown up." Jason shied under his bowed down head and wiped his mouth with a serviette.

Commendable, I admitted. He knew very well how to turn things in his favour. It was like he was born with powers to compel people to like him or listen to him...or simply agree to whatever he had to say.

"And also learned to talk and take things your way." Dad laughed and placed a cheerful hand at Jason's shoulder.

"It always feels so good to be here. I'll make sure to bring mom and dad soon."

"How about this Christmas," mom offered and the rest of them agreed while making plans for a get-together. However, I intended to maintain a safe distance from the topic and gulp down whatever was on my plate to get upstairs. I was dead afraid to open the news of my failure to them.

But I had to tell them, face-to-face.

There was no other way than this that I had not already thought of. Burning the answer sheets, skipping the parents-teachers-meet or lying to them about miscalculation of marks. But it took me a split second to know that it never worked in real life, at least not my life.

While I was busy licking my spoon clean, I felt something touch my feet underneath the table. Startled, I tried to bend a little to see whose it was when I caught sight of Jason motioning me with his eyes.

"It's time," he mouthed and then offered a smile to my parents, continuing their happy reunion conversation.

After a bout of relaxation, meditation and breath ins and breath outs, I mustered up my strength and strung my words together. "Uh, I need to tell you guys something," I started, biting the inside of my cheeks. "I uh..."

Words began failing me. I replayed the whole explanation I had practiced to give them, but it never came out of my mouth. So I decided to skip to the climax. And do it fast.

"I failed," I blurted out.

A stream of silence prevailed. There was no chunking of the porcelain or the bark of laughter. But just plain and dead silence.

It seemed like the words were hanging in the air, echoing since the moment they had crawled out of my mouth. All the three pairs of eyes were directed at me, making it difficult for me to decipher what their looks meant.

Anger? Confusion? Irritated? Blank? Don't care? Or the are-they-going-to-stop-talking-to-me reaction? The possibilities were endless.

A slight "oh" escaped my mom's lips and she turned around to face dad to look back with a blank expression.

"I'm sorry," I continued in a low voice, dropping down the spoon on my plate and lowering my head. "I'm sorry I let you down."

I cupped my face in my palms, inhaling a deep breath to shut whatever reaction I was about to get and all the emotions running through my veins, but then I heard dad's voice.

"How did it happen?"

"I – I don't know, really," I said, when I very well knew what happened, but I couldn't tell them that. They would be worried about me and ask me to not do that again, and I could not live with myself if I were on some kind of oath or promise to not do that again.

"It's fine, Claire." He gulped in a swig of water. "I'm sure you tried your best."

The words were stark and soothing, of course. But more the love that dad showed me, more the remorse and guilt came back to me. It was a maze. I looked up to him slowly, waiting for his next words to come out.

"We know you'll do better next time. We'll talk about this later if you want to," he continued and smiled, filling me with gush of relief. "Now, eat up your dinner. Come on."

The rest of it was a smooth sail. Jokes cracked, table rapped in unison at songs and the usual discussion on politics. Jason bid his goodbyes to mom and dad, and I decided to walk him to the door.

"Well, all's settled then," he said, digging his hands in his pockets to shake off the cold.

I did not reply immediately but hummed in response before answering. "Right. Their reaction was uh, encouraging."

"They're your parents. Of course they will understand you." He placed a hand on my shoulders and gave a slight pat before turning his body to me. "Look, you don't have to think about living up to anyone's expectations but to yours. I want you to know that, okay?"

I gave out a feeble nod and we both turned for the gate.

I stood still to see someone else before us – standing on the other side of the gate, a sling bag hanging loosely on the right shoulder with the other arm stuck up in air.

It was Damien Waters.

"Hi." He waved just like he had in the bus, with the big grin on. "You didn't tell me we had guests coming over."

Jason looked at me in confusion and I returned the same to him, shrugging my shoulders to show him I had no idea of what was happening.

"First thing, he is not a guest; you are," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "Second, what are you doing here?"

Damien rubbed his hands together and started, fog rising up in air as he did so, "first thing, that doesn't answer my hi. Second, I'm here for the tuition, remember?"

Before I could answer him, Jason interrupted, still as confused and tentative, exchanging glances between me and Damien. "What am I missing here?"

"Claire decided to help me with studies, just like she did for you." Damien shrugged off his jacket and smiled. "Guess who's coming to your competition next?" He smirked and placed his hand on the gate.

I could do nothing but just stare at him for talking utter nonsense and just as soon as I got a chance to get back to him, I did. "When in the whole universe did I suggest you to come over and forcible set your body into my house to form the lamest of conversation possible?" I threw my hands up in air, unable to express my frustration. " I said that I can't help you, sorry."

It was just a few minutes ago when I had escaped the cage of emotions haunting me that I failed a subject, now I did not want a reminder on how bad it already was for me.

"Perhaps you're just stressed," Damien said lightly while playing with his eyes on me. "Let's get inside, shall we? Some latte, some fries before we start the subjects?" He then shifted his gaze to Jason and held out an invite, "and you're most welcome if you want to join as well. We can study together, you know."

Jason's expression had returned to normal. At some instance, I wondered if I was the only one finding it extremely awkward and weird.

"No, thanks," he said licking his lips and smiling at the unusual event as if he found this whole incident amusing. "Well, I'm gonna go. How about you make latte for you both?" While he knew this was not one inch funny to me, he barely managed to suppress his giggle, and looked down – tapping his feet on the concrete.

I continued to glare him until he finally stopped with it and I swung the iron gate open for Jason to leave and Damien to enter. "Welcome," I said flatly and stepped back to let Damien squeeze in, who clapped hands with Jason as he did so.

Just as Jason was about to go further down the street, he turned back on his heels abruptly and called out, "I think I forgot my keys inside." He dabbed his pockets. "Do you mind checking them?"

I nodded and returned to the house to walk upstairs in my room. I flipped every pillow, each corner of the bed sheet and even under the shoe-case, but his keys could not be found anywhere.

Just when I decided to take a last glance near the window, I noticed Jason and Damien talking to each other, which seemed more like a whisper. At regular intervals, Jason kept looking inside the house but then would continue talking.

Releasing the curtain out of my clutches, I stepped downstairs to the porch to find them bumping shoulders with each other. I merely stood there, hands on my hips and lips stitched tight – waiting for them to end their formalities.

"I can't find it inside," I said at last. "Are you sure you had them with you when you came by?"

"Oh never mind." Jason laughed and pulled out the keys from his chest pocket without a flinch. "Just found them here."

"And that's really irresponsible of you," I pointed out, exhaling a breath as Damien let out a little laugh. "Good night."

"Good night," Jason shouted back as he ran off by the pavement to catch the next bus as soon as possible.

And that is how it all started. A night when a boy intended to be adamant. A night when a girl intended to accept his obduracy. And a whole lot of theories to discuss over.

"Let's get inside, now," I said, "shall we?"