Broken without you

January 24, 2021 Dear diary, I have looked at my life and indeed I feel.... No - I know that something is truly missing. But the question is what am I missing?. I've journeyed in the questions of what and unfortunately, I got no answer. So now my question is reversed to.... Who am I missing? I got an answer.... It's him, My childhood friend and my first love, Jason. I'll tell you something about us. Jason and I met when I was five years old. His family moved into our house as workers. His dad was my dad's driver and his mom was our cleaner and my nanny. Margaret.... I love her. They lived in the servants quarters and I never spoke with Jason until we started elementary school together. We became friends and our friendship turned into a teenage fantasy. My parents never approved of us to be together but I still saw him in secret. The part that shattered me was when I suddenly never saw him again. His parents said he just left. I was fifteen then and I never saw Jason again. My life has been a crazy and confusing one. After high school, I went to college to study business management against my will.... I dated lots of guys, had lots of good s*x, hanged out with my best friend.... Natasha, read books... wrote lots of books that was never published and most of all....drank my black coffee. I did this for eight years and now.... I'm currently working as a sales manager in my father's company....am single and bored.... am celibate because I don't feel satisfied again.... I hardly hang out with Natasha (we mostly sit in my office and talk).... I don't read books anymore, I gave up writing but of course, I still drink my black coffee. There's this new coffee store I'm gonna check out. It looks fancy and expensive and I love expensive things. While living my life, fun or bored, I will forever keep my legend of drinking black coffee. And as for Jason, my feelings for him will never change. He will and always will be my first love. The empty space in my heart can only be filled by him. I hope one day I'll see him again, rich and flamboyant so that we'll get married and live happily ever after. Nessa xx