Reflections

Chapter 7:MemoryLane

Mr Wrong and I grew up in the same neighborhood. We went to the same school. I don’t even remember how we became friends because, before I knew it, we were best friends. We sat together in class. We even ate together. Studied together. I started developing feelings for him back in high school but couldn’t say anything. We spent almost every day together; it was evident that we had a connection. But neither of us did anything about it. We didn’t want to ruin the friendship, nor the stigma that men and women can’t be friends because one of them will always want a relationship.

Time skips to when we started varsity. I was sitting in my dorm room. Doing nothing in particular. When I heard that knock on my door. He came to my dorm and we started talking. He told me he had always loved me, and that he wanted us to be together. I believed him. I agreed. It was to be expected. I felt the same way for a long time. I even sent him signals before he came out and said it first.

On our first day we went to the park. It was on a Saturday. I found out a lot about him that I didn’t know. I always thought we knew each other because he had always been my best friend. But there was something new about him. And the way he said he loved me did something to me, it came as no surprise to every one of our mutual friends. They always knew we loved each other so much.

We were studying different fields, but we always made time to see each other. We already knew so much about each other, so we moved way too fast in the relationship. We made so many mistakes at once, and we ended up being so sick of each other. It was becoming a norm for us not to talk. We would spend a week without talking, but when we did, it was as if there wasn’t this gap between us.it was okay at first, but as time went on, I grew tired of the same old love. I felt neglected. I thought he didn’t want to be with me. He stopped trying and I stopped trying. In the end, we were pointing fingers at who was actually wrong. Double-edged sword, right? Neither one of us wanted to admit that we had stopped trying to make things work, so we kept our distance. Put more distance on the relationship. At some point in the relationship, I remember him asking for space to rethink everything.

I was so in love with him. I have known him for half of my life. At some point, I even thought he was my soulmate. He had said he's loved me longer than I loved him, so I didn’t want to quit on our love. We had many odds favoring us, but so many more against us as well. That’s when our love started fading, barely a year of us being together. He started visiting less. It started getting boring in the relationship. Everything felt forced. I didn’t know how much space I needed apart from him until I met Mr Right. I no longer needed him anymore. I justified myself with the fact that we were on a break. That’s why I let Mr Right in my heart.

But I didn’t need him to mend what he didn’t break. He didn't have to know I was broken nor about the silent battles I was facing with my own inner demons. I chose to live in the moment. I chose to live my life with Mr Right. I had a justifiable reason why I was doing it, but in my heart, I knew it was wrong. I didn’t know where what I was building with Mr Right was going at that moment, so I kept quiet just in case it crashed and burned just as fast. I was hoping it would fail but it kept on blossoming. I actually loved having him around. I loved that we were friends at first too. We had more fun studying theories. When he was giving me signals that he was having feelings for me, I kind of led him on. Let him in.