The Wounds We Heal

"Do you have to move out?" I was laying back on my bed snuggling one of my throw pillows. It was a furry alabaster white with a soft leather back. A pout settled childishly on my lips as music played softly in the background. The fairy lights that were strung haphazardly across the top of my window reflected off the white vanity mirror that was pushed against the far wall of my room. They glowed a sweet cashmere against the light pink walls and the soft white carpet. She shot me a stunning grin. "Of course babycakes. Mason wants what he wants." Mason was Alexis' long-time boyfriend of 6 years. We have known each other since freshman year of high school and if I didnt know him so well I would have hated him for having Alexis move in. I can't hate him though. They're perfect for each other. She winked at me from where she sat in my desk chair across from me. I sat up from my spot on my bed and started pleading with her. "But what if you guys break up?! You're leaving me alone for basically nothing." I stopped scrolling through tinder and sent her a pointed look not thinking that I could pout any harder. Boy was I wrong. She let out a light and airy laugh before her face contorted into a mischievous grin. I let out a loud gulp. I'm not afraid of much but I am afraid of Alexis and her ideas. "Get a roommate." There was a good ten-second pause where we both stared at each other. "You can't be serious." I sat there expectantly. She had a glint in her eye. "Dead ass." A few beats of silence passed as we both stared at each other. "No." I looked her firm in the eyes as I said that two-letter word. A crease in my brow had formed along with what could be a perpetual scowl. She groaned as she threw her head back before snapping her gaze back to me expectantly. "Oh come on Missy. She began almost pleading with me but I knew Alexis better to think of her as begging. "I know you're not about sharing your space, but this could be good for you." She gave me a pout before rolling the chair across the small space between her and the end of my bed. She put her hand on my knee and looked at me like she was about to tell me someone died. Someone did. My peace and f*****g quiet. "Plus, this modeling thing isn't always going to be as fruitful as it has been. I'd like to not have to worry about you starving in the future..." she trailed off before giving me an expectant glance. I rolled my eyes before shrugging at her. "Don't move out." She shot me a warning glare almost physically sighing as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Missy." I sat back with a huff. "Okay. sorry." She threw one of her arms over the back of the chair. "Honestly, hear me out. You could post an ad on craigslist!" I glared at her. "No." She didn't seem to hear me as she just kept trucking on. Her eyes almost seemed to glaze over as she spoke. "Of course, they would pay half of the rent and utilities." she looked over at me and gave me a crooked smile as she looked me up and down. "And go half on groceries." Ouch. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she spoke. The excitement built in her voice with every word. She then turned the chair to face the laptop laying on my desk and I could hear the clacking of the computer keys. "No." I protested from my spot on the end of the bed. "Plus if anything happened to your job, you have someone there to lean on until something else comes along." "No." "Oh, maybe a hot guy will respond!" By now a twinkle had formed in her eye. "No." "I think that would be fun." She shot me a s**t-eating grin and I could feel the air shift around her with building excitement over what she could be plotting in the pretty little head of hers. If I didnt love Alexis so much, I would have killed her. "Are you even listening to me?" I threw my hands up glaring at her. She looked up at me and shot me a million-dollar smile. "Of course not!" She then grabbed her laptop and began to type. I always wondered why Alexis never got into modeling with me. Not that she hasn't been scouted because trust me, she has. She was tall whit a beautifully curvy body that called everyone's attention as soon as she entered a room. Her long pin straight hair cascaded down her back brushing lightly at the small of her back as her hips swayed when she walked or when she turned her head to flash me one of those million dollar smiles with her perfect white teeth. Her chocolate brown eyes looked like liquid gold in the sun and made for a great accent to her high check bones rested under perpetually roses cheeks on her symmetrical face. It was silent for a while as I admired my best friend. Finally, I got curious about what she could be doing though I had a sneaking suspicion. Swallowing the lump growing in my throat I spoke up after a pregnant pause in our banter. "What cha' up to?" I leaned closer to her out of instinct and the faint smell of vanilla penetrated my senses. She didn't even lookup. "Posting an ad on Craigslist." A slight panic set in. "What are you posting about?" She then looked me dead in the eyes with no expression. "A roommate for you silly." My face fell as the blood drained from my head. With a glare that could incinerate a person on the spot, I spat back at her, "You wouldn't dare." She shot me a wink. "Oh, I do, and I did." She turned the laptop around so I could see what she had done. She looked so proud of herself and I wanted to wipe it right off of her stupid face. I snatched the computer out of her lap angrily to look at the screen. After reading it I looked up at her bewildered. "You little s**t!" She laughed and I looked at the screen again. "Preferably under 25 and sexy?! What is this an escort service?! Why is your contact info on here?" I said angrily pointing my hand at the screen as I tried to glare into her soul. She giggled. "Because you'd be turning down people left and right." I threw up my hands. "Well yeah. I don't need a roommate. Plus, these gigs are paying well, and I rarely spend the money I've been making off them. At this rate, in a year or so, I won't have to work at all." My anger had shifted into something else and I couldnt tell if I was trying to convince her or myself anymore of how fine I was. She got up and grabbed her laptop out of my lap. A knowing look passed between the two of us. Alexis is the only person in my life that would challenge me the way she does. Sometimes, it felt like she was the only one that cared. "You have one week before I'm moved completely out. At least try in these interviews." She gave me a swift kiss on the cheek and left my room. I threw myself down on the bed in frustration. "f**k!" "I heard that!" Alexis yelled from somewhere in the apartment. I mentally flipped her off and laid there basking in my anger letting it seep into my bones. Groaning, I sat up and searched my closet for a sweater. It may be the west coast and it may be L.A. but the nights in march still chilled. I pulled on my Vans and found my car keys before making my way out of my bedroom. I passed Alexis on the couch before stopping to turn around to stand behind her bending down and gave her a soft peck on the cheek. "I'm going to therapy. I will see you later. Dont wait up." With that, I turned around but not before she shot back. "I swear to f*****g god Missy if you go get high I'm calling your sponsor!" I turned around saluting her mockingly before a grin fell on my face. "Yes, mom." I pulled the door of our apartment open. "I love you," I said before stepping out and shutting it behind me. ~~~~ I sat in the oversized plush dark leather chair opposite my therapist behind her desk. I could hear the clicking of her keyboard as she worked. The office isnt what they depict in books or shows on TV. There was no long leather couch to lay down on and pour out your heartache and trauma. The walls werent a barren white brick that chilled your bones and fueled the feeling of insanity. Instead, the walls were a warming light brown mixed with just enough white to invite natural light in from the big window nestled in the wall exactly opposite the door. The windows I found so fascinating every time I came here. There werent stupid inspirational quotes like you matter or be the change you want hanging on the walls but home decor you would find at any regular middle-aged family home. Pictures of her kids nestled neatly on her desk displaying proudly. I did not make eye contact with her but instead sat there staring out the window with my chin resting in my hand and my nails clenched between my incisors. The silence was no longer uncomfortable as it was when I first started coming here almost 11 months ago. In part, I felt that it had to do with her no longer probing me with questions with the hope that I would spill my deepest and darkest secrets to her. I think she finally accepted that some people have walls, I have a f*****g fortress armed with sarcasm and motes filled with monsters of seething rage and the desirable princess was not home. I glanced at the clock to find relief filling my ribcage almost breathing life back into me when I realized that there were only 10 minutes left on my time. Suddenly she sighed the sound feeling like a punch in the gut. "Missy, you know for therapy to work, you have to talk." She had pushed away from her desk and leaned back in her chair. Her right elbow rested on the arm of the office chair and her thumb rested softly on her chin with her forefinger applying equal pressure to her lips. I sighed finally breaking eye contact with the glass pane of the window to drag them over and up to her face. My features had set into a hard challenging stare as she looked at me expectantly. "I'm fine Sarah." She gave me a knowing look. "You wouldn't be here if you were fine. And you sure as s**t wouldnt have been put on suicide watch if you were fine." My eyes widened at her language before quickly returning to the cold demeanor that seemed to just be who I was nowadays. Shrugging I shot back, "They do that to everyone when they enter rehab and that was well over a year ago. Trust me, Sarah, I'm fine. I only come here because of the amended clause in my contract." "You have been coming here for almost a year twice a month for an hour-long session and each session you sit in that chair and avoid eye contact with me." She began to slowly shake her head as she proceeded. "You want to know what I think? I think you're scared of letting people in. Of letting someone hurt you the way that you hurt you. I think that you fear feeling anything but loneliness and sorrow because you dont know how to be anything without your anger or your pain." I broke eye contact with her trying to hide the tear threatening to spill over my eyelid. I closed my eyes trying to calm the storm raging in my head pulling the tide and threatening to topple my dam. I quickly got my s**t together and stole a glance at the clock. I suddenly stood up gathering my phone. "Same time next appointment?" I threw over my shoulder as I made my way out of the office. The walls felt like they were caving in, and I resisted the urge to break into a sprint trying to play it as coolly as I could. ~~~~ Three days after Alexis put that ad up on Craigslist, we sat together at the kitchen table interviewing people for the position of my roommate. Currently, a dark-haired girl sat across from us. She was dressed entirely in workout clothes. Alexis spoke first. "So, what made you respond to the ad?" She folded her hands together on the table. If I hadn't known Alexis better, I'd have thought she was being professional. I suppressed a giggle at the thought. The girl looked between the two of us. "Um, I need a place to crash?" "Ohh. Feisty. I like it." She winked at the girl. I swear to God my best friend was such a flirt. I was letting her run the interview as I sat back almost idly. Disinterest plastered across my being. "So, what do you do for fun?" The girls smiled at Alexis. "Oh, I'm really into plants and yoga. I'm mostly a homebody when I'm not out shopping or at the gym. She looked at me when she spoke. I love spending time with my roomie though! We can hang out." Alexis stifled a laugh as I looked appalled. "Get out," I spoke, pointing to the door as I rose. The girl froze for a second before standing up. "Did I do something?" I ushered her to the door and opened it for her. She stepped out. "Yes." With that, I closed the door in her face. I turned back to Alexis who was still laughing, and I groaned. "Are we done yet? We've been at this for hours." I made my way slowly through the living area to the couch. She looked at me apologetically. "We're almost done I promise." I collapsed on the couch in exasperation. "How many more?" Just then, there was a knock on the door. She gave me another apologetic glance. "The last one, I promise." I grabbed a throw pillow and pushed it to my face in annoyance letting out a long scream only for it to be stifled against the plush fabric of the pillow. Alexis chuckled from somewhere in the house before I heard the soft clicking of her sandals on the hardwood. I pulled the pillow from my face when I heard the door sing in protest as she opened it. Alexis' jaw dropped and her tongue about lobbed out at the sight of the beautiful man in front of her. She quickly recovered ribbing her palms together as my eyes rolled at her dramatics. He was tall with beautiful blonde hair and electric blue eyes. His skin showed an impossible golden tint as I watched the muscles on his cheeks flex against his strong jaw as he softly swallowed. His shoulders were broad and I couldnt help my mind from imagining what the muscles of his chest and stomach felt like under the pads of my fingers. He looked like he belonged on the front of a magazine or some beach somewhere. We made eye contact and a strange feeling settled in the air. It was electric and magnetic as I found myself struggling to break his gaze. He looked like he could do terrible things to me. I mentally groaned at how quickly my mind found its way into the gutter. He broke eye contact and rubbed the back of his neck before looking back up at Alexis who was eyeing me suspiciously. A smirk threatened to break out across her lips as her glance became more knowing. Suddenly he spoke. "Hi, I'm here for your craigslist ad. You guys are looking for a roommate?" His voice was low and gruff and felt like warm smoke as it entered my airspace. God, I would love for him to narrate some e*****a to me. I mentally slapped myself. What the f**k was wrong with me? She held her hand out to him with a mischievous grin. "Alexis and this, she gestured a hand at me who was still reeling from the mental war zone going on in my head. Jesus, it should be illegal to be that sexy. "Is missy." He smiled awkwardly at her before taking her hand. I know he knew that Alexis was gaping at him but did he know I was too? "William." A warmness pooled in the pit of my stomach at the sound of his voice. I let out a groan, resisting the urge to bang my head off the coffee table. She sent me a pointed look. "Don't mind her. She warms up." She looked back at William with a wide grin while opening the door wider for him. "Come on in and make yourself comfortable." He made his way gracefully into the room to sit in the armchair across from me. I crossed my arms and gave Alexis a pointed look. She rolled her eyes at me. "Just shut up Missy." She sat down next to me before turning her attention back to William. "So," She crossed her left leg over the right. I rolled my eyes again at her dramatics. "What do you do for a living?" He sat up a bit in his chair. "I am a graphic designer." Her face lit up. "Oh cool! So do you work in a firm?" "Actually no. I work from home doing mostly freelance jobs." I let out a groan and Alexis sighs. "Missy here isn't much of a people person. See the roommate is for her." He looked between the two of us with confusion settled deep into his face. "Oh?" Alexis let out a light laugh. "Don't worry, she has no say in this." That's when I spoke up. "Bull s**t I don't this is my apartment!" She sent me a glare causing me to pout. "Fine." I turned my attention to William. "So, William. Can I call you Will?" "Uh, sure..." he sounded uneasy yet amused. "You know how to disappear right?" A confused half-c****d smile broke a crossed his face. "What?" Alexiss elbow shot out finding just between my ribs. "Ow! f**k!" I yelled sending daggers at her as she held my gaze with something almost as dangerous as my own. After a good 10 seconds of staring each other down, I stood down knowing she was serious. William looked between the two of us with almost an amused curiosity. "Are you two, okay?" I let out a snort as I tried to hold back my laughter. He shot me a curious look as Alexis trucked on. At this point, I was bored and turned my attention to my nails. I need to get them redone. They were a gel nail polish that had begun to chip off in the corner. I began to pick at it but immediately halted when I heard what came out of Alexis' mouth next. "Perfect! When can you move in?" I about gave myself whiplash as I looked between her and William bewildered. "Wait! What?!" She turned to me with a full-face grin. "Missy, meet your new roommate, William." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "Oh, f**k me." She leaned over to whisper in my ear. "He's going to be a ton of fun." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey guys! Send me your thoughts and suggestions! I've always had a passion for writing but I've always been so self-critical so I feel it's time to throw something out there and push myself out of my shell. I will be updating every Sunday! If you liked the chapter, give it a star!