The Wounds We Heal

Rock bottom Has a Basement

I woke up slowly flexing every muscle in my body one at a time to make sure I was still alive. Though, after last night, I almost wish I wasn't. Shelby trills from behind me as if she was checking on me. I reached back and scratched behind her ears. When I did, she melted into my touch purring harshly into the silence. I lay there for a while absentmindedly stroking her soft white fur. The sun peered through my dark curtains causing a ripple of light to cut the room in half acting almost as a beacon for the outside world. I groaned knowing I couldn't spend the rest of my life in bed waiting for the world to swallow me whole. So instead, I slowly pushed my way off of the bed. I didn't have to work today at least. There was a thick fog in my brain saturating into my vision. I made my way out of my room to be met with even more silence. As I walked past Williams room, I found it empty. The emptiness filled me with an overwhelming amount of loneliness much to my surprise. I absolutely can not stand William but his absence rang loudly into the empty space. When Alexis lived here, she was always home. I always had someone to talk to when I woke up and someone to say good night to when I went to bed. Recently, I have only had William to pester me to sleep. The days were stifling silent since he was always gone when I got up but I have never noticed until now how alone I was most of the time. I shuddered at the sudden bout of depression before shaking it off and making my way into the bathroom. I stripped my clothes from the previous night off and chucked them on the floor. The image of last nights conflict playing like a reel of tape in my mind. This time, I avoided glancing at myself in the mirror already knowing what was going to stare back at me and I wasn't ready to face that. I stepped over the lip of the tub and into the stream of water allowing it to sear over my skin causing it to instantly redden. Fog was already forming in the small space as I stood there feeling the warmth slowly uncoil my tense muscles. After what felt like an eternity, I finally dared to reach my arms out to find my shampoo. Dabbing a small amount into my palm, I reached up to replace the bottle into its home before rubbing the thick soap between my palms. I then began to meticulously lather it through the long thick locks perched high on my head, damp from being left under the harsh stream of the shower head. After feeling satisfied with the saturation of my scalp, I leant my head back into the water allowing my fingers to rake my hair evicting any stray residue. I left the stream momentarily wringing my hair out to find my conditioner. I meticulously placed a dime size drop in my palm before running it through the ends of my hair with my fingers as a makeshift wide toothed comb. I then moved to to wash my body grabbing my pink loafa and saturating it with soap before scrunching it in my hands to form suds. I then began lathering my skin unaware of how sharply I was raking it over my skin. It was as if I was trying to erase everything from the previous night as if it hung on my body like a thick nicotine film. I stopped after a distinct stinging rang out over my skin. Tiny micro-dermic abrasions turning my pale skin red. I rinsed my hair and body before turning off the water. I didn't bother with a towel as I made my way back to my cave. No one was home anyways. I stood in the center of my room taking in the chaos of clothes spewn out over the ground and surfaces. The closet was chocking out clothing half a*s thrown in there to make space for their misplaced counterparts. I felt almost paralyzed with the intensity of the mess knowing I should clean it but almost unable to bring myself to it. I felt something soft rub against the slick wetness on my calf as I began to spiral in my paralysis. Relief flooded my system at the release from the imprisonment of my mind as a soft mew rang out. I smiled down at my cat happy with how food motivated she was. Quickly I picked through the mound of clothes to find anything to cover my exposed skin suddenly aware of all the air could touch. I threw on a black sports b*a and a pair of red joggers before sliding on black socks and my adidas slides. I slipped my phone in my pocket before escorting my cat out of the room and to the kitchen. She erupted in a mess of purrs and mews as I reached for her food. She was weaving in and out of my legs as I made my way over to her bowl cracking the can open in the process. I grabbed a plastic spoon out of the drawer and scrapped the contents out into her dish narrowly avoiding plopping it on her head that was already stuck in the bowl. I scratched behind her ear quickly before discarding both the can and spoon and walking out to the living area and pulling my phone out of my pocket. I was relieved to see Lena had not tried to contact me since last night. We both needed to lick our wounds. I was a little disappointed not finding William to have texted me since our exchange last night but quickly it sank to the back of my mind as my heart dropped out. Alexis' messages sat on my screen as an omen.

Alexis:

What the f**k Missy. Call me.

Below that sat a catalogue of missed calls from her. Rage bubbled in my throat at who could possibly have told Alexis and what. But I knew who had told her. The only person in my life who has ever made it their business despite it being entirely unwelcome. Lena. I sat there boiling in my anger for a minute letting it soak into my bones. Suddenly a dull ache settled in my stomach. Ignoring the overwhelming presence of Alexis name repeatedly displayed on the screen, I opened it and scrolled to a contact funnily disguised under mom. I snorted to myself at how cruel I could be to myself. I composed a text.

I need a dozen cookies.

Mom:

I'll be home in an hour.

Ignoring the feeling bubbling just under my skin, I got up to get changed into something more outside friendly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My car stopped in front of a small grey stucco house with burglar bars on the windows and screen door. I got out making sure to lock my car doors as I walked up closer to the house. Three men sat perched on the porch looked up to eye me impassively as I walked past them and knocked on the front door. Two shaves and a haircut. The door softly opened and an older lady with long peppered hair that swept just above her knees in its single braid. She was thin and tall with angular facial features. Her smile crinkled her crows feet at the edges of her eyes making her tan skin seem darker. Her brown eyes shone with recognition and something else unplaceable.

"I thought you were supposed to be clean?"

I shrugged in response.

"We'll come on then you're letting the heat out." She lightly grabbed my forearm and led me into the house. The kitchen was the same with its 70's styled yellow counter tops with the aluminum trim and linoleum flooring. A man stood leaned against the counter lie an owl ready to swoop in and eat the first mouse dumb rebought to enter the clearing. There was a small round table pushed agains the far wall where she gestured for me to sit. "The usual?" She threw over her shoulder with a quirked eyebrow.

I smiled as I sat back on my elbow feeling oddly content. "Throw in some brownies please?"

She came back and shoved a small pink Box of chocolate chip cookies at me with a huff. "You know child, I wouldn't be doing this if you weren't so good for your money."

A laugh erupted shaking my shoulders. "You love me Genie," I teased.

She quirked an eyebrow at me smiling a little. "Missy if I loved you, I wouldn't be selling you drugs."

I smiled at her. "How much?"

She shook her head before sitting down at the printing calculator at the seat a crossed from me. "Well." She looked up at me over the round frames of her glasses. "Let's see." Her eyes went back to the keys where they squinted in focus. "One gram of powdered sugar, ten altoids, a quarter ounce of mushrooms," I gave her a weird look. She went out of her way not to call them by there names but I guess her creative juices fell through there. She trucked on. "And 1/2 ounce of oregano." The keys clicked more as she kept typing. "You're sitting at $580." She looked up at me telling me it was time to pay.

I laughed before pulling an envelope of cash out of my purse and sliding it over. "That's $600 for my favorite girl." I winked at her and she rolled her eyes before handing it silently over her shoulder to the man behind her.

He began counting it on the counter behind us. "I don't think that it's a good thing that I'm your favorite Missy. You need friends."

The man behind us grunted in approval and I took that as my instruction to leave. "Until next time Genie." I saluted her and the man behind her before gathering my box of cookies and walking out the front door.

~~~~~~~~~

I sat on the sand letting the breeze send mist over my face from the ocean as it lapped at my thick curls. I pulled the flask up to my lips before taking a long drawn out sip from the contents. My thoughts raced in my head like they were trying to win the Indie 500. The mess of last night played on repeat in my head like a broken record. A blush crept over my face at what William was sure to have overheard. My mind switched back to the cookie box nestled sweetly on the front seat of my car as I noticed how empty the beach had become this late in the evening. I smiled to myself happy that I had already had my pickings of it earlier. I reached in my purse displaying a tiny baggie with a fine white powder in it. What had Genie called it? Sugar? I laughed to myself humorlessly as I carefully opened the bag sticking my key in to scoop up the small amount that gathered on the end of it. I then brought it up to my nose plugging the other as I inhaled sharply. My eyes rolled back at the sensation hitting my sinuses. A sharp burning in my nose and throat caused me to pinch the bridge of my nose in pain before it subsided in a dull ache and eventually a numbness settled there. I laid back into the sand as a wave of pleasure rushed from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. My eyes fluttered shut and my hand came to rest behind my head as I rode the waves of intense euphoria in my body. I felt the dread pull from my brain like a tide receding as the cocaine worked it's way into my system. My heart began to hammer in my ears and my eyes slammed open. I took in the deserted beach as I gathered my stuff and made my way back to my car suddenly feeling the intense need to go home. My hands began to quiver and become clammy. I fumbled in my pocket for my keys before finally after what felt like an eternity, I found them. Quickly I unlocked the car door before scooting in and starting the ignition. I was thankful for the 5 minute drive it was from the beach to my apartment as the coke and alcohol swirled in my brain. My vision came in and out as I backed out of the parking lot and made my way onto the street. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel hard focusing on keeping the car straight. My jaw felt taught as I Britten my teeth involuntarily together. I pulled sunglasses up and over my glassy bloodshot eyes as I made my way down the road. Relief flooded my system as my building came into view. I turned a little too hard into the parking garage causing a screech from my tires before throwing it into the nearest spot to park. Quickly I cut the engine and made my way through the parking garage feeling like eyes were on me the entire time. I had to remind myself that I was the only one down here. I pushed my legs harder as I about jogged through the doors into the lobby. Sweat clung my shirt to my body and my curls stuck to my forehead.

"Missy? Missy wait." Williams voice rang out. I about broke into a sprint hearing his voice as I pushed my way to the elevator pressing the call button insistently. "Missy!" Williams voice came more insistent as the doors opened to the elevator and I leaped inside pressing the button to the 7th floor. Just as the doors were going to shut, he caught them before cooly slipping inside and pressing the button to close the door. He turned to me quizzically. "Why are you avoiding me?" I didn't answer as I fixated on the buttons on the wall. My anxiety peaked as his voice bounced sharply in my brain. "Missy." I heard him huff before he grabbed onto my upper arms and turned me to him. "Missy are you okay? Why are you so sweaty." A nauseating feeling flipped violently in my stomach. "Why are you wearing glasses?" His voice felt far away as he reached up and gently removed them before he took a sharp intake of air. His gaze hardened but his voice became more gentle. "Missy what did you do." He almost breathed out. I couldn't respond as I focused on calming the wave of anxiety rattling in my brain. I closed my eyes focusing on my breathing. "Jesus Christ Missy." I felt his arms go around my waist and behind my knees as he picked me up bridal style. The doors slid open and he stepped out into the hallway. My head rested comfortably on his shoulder and my hands gripped the cookie box in my lap. He released one hand momentarily to scramble in his pocket to find his keys before unlocking the door and pushing inside. He walked us over to the couch where he gingerly laid me down before taking the box out of my hands and setting my purse by the door. He locked it before throwing his keys in the bowl and making his way back to me. He lifted my legs momentarily to sit at the end of the couch before placing them in his lap. "What are we going to do with you Missy?" I laid there with my eyes closed desperately riding the last few waves of my high before a heaviness settled into my muscles. It seeped slowly into my bones before my head seemed to fog with sleep. I felt William rubbing soft circled into my now bare feet as I slid away from consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I slowly d**g myself back to consciousness the act feeling like wading in quick sand. Something shifted at the end of the couch as something warm and hard moved under my legs. Slowly I forced my eyes open blinking wildly. Finally my eyes focused but when they did, I met the intense gaze of William. Something hard had settled on his features. "Good morning princess." His voice was humorless. My arm came up to rest over My eyes as a migraine crept it. I felt him shift to place two small tablets in my hand. "Take these. It will help." I removed my arm taking in what he had placed in my hands. It was two Alieve soft gels. He sat in front of me holding out a water bottle gingerly his features still hard.

I groaned. "Stop looking at me like that." I propped myself up on my elbows before taking the water from his hand and cracking the lid. He said nothing but held his hard gaze on me as I took the two tablets in my mouth before washing them down with a large gulp. His hand gripped my calf firmly as I became more aware of his body heat. I sat up swinging my legs off of him.

Finally he spoke. "What we're you thinking?"

"Why do you care William?" My voice was hard and accusatory.

He shrugged throwing an arm lazily over the back of the couch. "You interest me Missy." His words were nonchalant but his body language was anything but. I felt like a child getting scolded. When I threw a quizzical gaze in his direction he continued. "You surround yourself with people who are too shallow to look too hard at you and see the immense cracks in the foundation. You're broken Missy but you never let anyone know and you definitely never let anyone know why. I want to know what broke you Missy."

I scoff from my seat opposite him on the couch. Doing so squeezed my brain sharply causing me to flinch. "You're a f*****g sadist William."

He chuckled almost humorlessly. "If that is what it means to care."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not a f*****g addict. Lena is just dramatic."

He shrugged almost as if he were shrugging off my words before his eyes found mine determined. "Prove it."

I huffed harder leaning into my end of the couch. "What the f**k does that mean."

Suddenly he shifted on the couch his body hovered over mine as his hands rested on the back of the couch above my head. His gaze was hard almost steel like as he glared down at me. "Prove it Missy. Prove you're not a junkie." I was taken back by how brazen his voice was. I went to protest before he leaned in closer our noses touching. "I know what's in the f*****g box Missy." He growled it out venomously. I gulped hard feeling like a kid that got caught sneaking snacks before dinner. "You want to prove it Missy? Flush it. Flush all of it." There was a hard edge to his voice.

"That was expensive." I managed out. Williams anger made me nervous but what currently occupied my head the most was his minty breath fanning over my lips to mix with my own. It filled my head like a d**g drowning out my senses. Suddenly he sat back his gaze only intensifying.

"I knew it." His voice was accusatory.

Annoyance bubbled under my skin. "Fine. Flush it. But you owe me $600."

Surprise flashes in his features. "Really?"

I huffed as the annoyance grew under my skin. "Yes. Really." I gritted out.

He scooted over his features softening as he reached up to swipe a piece of my hair behind my ear. "It needs to be your decision Missy." His voice was soft and breathy and I had to resist the urge to lean into him. He was looking intently into my eyes as he spoke.

"You're no fun to be high around anyways." I tried to tease him in our usual banter but my voice came out just barely above a whisper. Needing some distance, I got up and went to my room to fall face first into my comforter. I felt the bed dip before someone pulled me into their chest.

"Alexis is going to f*****g end my life." It barely registered as I felt myself sink into them drifting away from consciousness.