I AM

Failed, Not a Failure

The end of my high school years was a time when I felt like I was finally growing and leaving a part of my immaturity behind. I kept thinking that I was already becoming an adult because I was about to enter college.

I applied to one university in our province and decided to take Engineering, filled with ambition and hope that I would succeed in that program. It wasn’t really my dream, but it became my first choice because Engineering promises a good income, and people admire you for becoming one.

I also applied for a DOST scholarship. Honestly, I didn’t put much effort into the exam because it happened during the same week as our exams, projects, and our capstone. The only thing I relied on was my trust in my own capabilities and skills.

Finally, the results came out. I passed my first choice, Civil Engineering. I felt so relieved, and for the first time, I gained a little confidence in myself.

Yet, seeing some of my classmates fail to get their first choice hurt me. What does it feel like to be surrounded by roses while others are being pricked by thorns? While I couldn’t sleep out of excitement, thinking I would finally earn that “Engr.” title—they couldn’t sleep because of failure.

I couldn’t even imagine how painful it must have been, knowing that their future felt uncertain. Seeing them cry and struggle to even smile inside the room pushed me to do better in this field.

A couple of months later, the DOST results were finally released. I held onto a strong hope that I would pass.

But the universe said, “Not this time.”

I stayed up until midnight, scanning the list of names, again and again, hoping I had just missed mine. But no matter how many times I checked, my name wasn’t there.

My confidence slowly faded, and it hurt. I cried because I thought that even without giving my full effort, maybe I still had a chance.

The next day, I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed. I saw my mother cooking for me—they already knew I didn’t pass. I didn’t show them how disappointed I truly was. Instead, I convinced them, and maybe even myself, that it wasn’t meant for me… that at least I passed the university.

Looking back at that moment made me realize something, rejection redirects us to who we are meant to become.

Maybe that path wasn’t really for me. Taking Engineering while being a DOST scholar might have only added more pressure. Not every opportunity given to us is meant to stay in our lives.

Back then, I thought college would be the place where I would finally mature.

But honestly, the only things that changed were my procrastination… and my physical appearance.