Memory (An Uchiha Itachi FF)

“For how long have you been out here?”. Kisame’s voice did not make me flinch, nor the muscles moved to the slightest. I just stared at the rain. It was raining cats and dogs. Clouds as grey as they can be, overcasting the dull sky to hide the silvery full moon behind it. It reminded me of her hair. They glowed silver in the dark unlike mine which, simply camouflaged in the eerie less illuminated night. Those were the nights when I was still in Anbu. “I will come back by dawn”, I replied, monotonously. “Just make sure you don’t create a commotion in Konoha”, he advised. “Let Pain not know this once”. I walked out, wearing a straw hat. He knew exactly what I thought. Should I be surprised? No one really could make out what was in my mind. Or maybe I should not be surprised. We were partners hunting down the tailed beasts. I decided to walk for a while until I reached the nearby village. My shoes-damp against the rain-beaten mud as I made my way to Konoha through the forest. When I reached the barren land, I could see the clouds more clearly. The downpour created tiny bubbles on the flooded ground, blasting as another raindrop hit it. Water splashed at the weight of my feet against the ground, creating subtle ripples on the water clogged ground. It was too much rain for the soil to penetrate all at once. I couldn’t sense any chakra nearby so I did not have to activate my, sharingan but stayed on guard. I was still a traitor and rogue ninja. Nothing could change that. I wished I had visited the village before she was gone. I blamed myself for not checking on her or Sasuke for almost six months now. But that never stopped me from wondering how they were. The only people I now care about. And now she was gone. I should have realised it sooner. How did I fail to notice nature warning me around? How could I not give a second thought to those? Red spider lilies when it was almost winter. That terrible gut feeling. Those nightmares of when she almost died once when we were on a mission together. How can I miss all those signs? How could I ignore them? Not a soul lurked outside. As I crossed the main road, I could see the glow of warm fire from the windows of the inns, keeping the travelers warm, in contrary to the chills of the rasping wind that hit my cloak. Hiding myself in the shadows of the trees that stood tall like barriers against the wind alongside the road, I quickened my pace. Thanks to sandaime hokage, I could enter the village without alerting the shinobis who were working in their night shifts. Reaching the cemetery, I searched for her gravestone. Amaya. It meant night rain. Just like tonight. That was what it should have been. No last name, or at least no one knew. Her backstory itself was unknown. She did not know about it herself. When years ago, yondaime sama found her during the great ninja war; unconscious and profusely bleeding to death. Once recovered, she joined the academy, and in a few years, a jonin. Sandaime same admired her skills. She was natural. The first time I met her, I was in anbu. I remember one fine day Kakashi bringing a girl who looked the same as my age in the locker room. Silver hair which matched the older Anbu member and petite with a timid appearance. I stopped my work, turning over my shoulder to see who she was. I do not remember seeing her in the village at all. Or maybe I was too busy and dedicated to the missions and keeping enemies away from laying their fingers on the village. “This is Amaya. She will be joining us”, he announced, encouraging the girl by tapping her shoulder. She blushed so red that it raised up to her ears. “I will try my best”. She grabbed her uniform and walked out. I could hear the rest say, “Isn’t she too young?”. “I heard she is fourteen”. “Doesn’t that make her the youngest kunoichi in the anbu?”. “We cannot say how good she is until she is involved in a mission”. “Which clan does she belong to?”. “From what I heard; she isn’t even from our village. She was found in the battleground during the great ninja war when yondaime sama found her”. “I wonder what she has got”. Most of their questions were answered during the first mission of hers. She was brilliant and moved like water between two rocks when there were two enemies attacking her. Without a kekkei genkai and mostly depending on taijutsu, she was a fearless kunoichi. But she did not talk much, and every time she spoke, her voice was soft and fragile. We all thought the same until she shouted an alert in one of the mission. That was a new side of her, a wild side, one not many must have seen. I bet no one did until this mission. The more missions we went together, the fonder I grew. She was kind, usually attacking enemies enough to slow them down until they were no longer a threat to us. Only twice she killed. The day she killed, I could see the look on her face, the terror and guilt. I told her it was alright and that it was our job. I was a pacifist, but I would do whatever it takes to keep the bigger threats away from something I had close to my heart. Or someone. She only knew how much my younger brother Sasuke meant to me. Little did she know, I wanted her to know I cared for her. I respected her and cherished her presence when on missions. It felt like she filled the void that was created after being a regular witness to bloodshed and cruelty. “I could not train him again”, I sighed, perching on the roof watching the sunset sky. “Maybe next time, I know Sasuke-kun means a lot to you”, she would say with a smile so bright. When I was thirteen, I was promoted as Anbu captain. She was in my squad. But before I knew, I had to s*******r the clan. I said none. I could not. It was a full-moon night, very dark and very eerily, but the houses in the Uchiha district illuminated, and I could hear the laughter and chatter of the families. But I had no choice. I stood by her tomb for a while. “I could not bring you your favourite pansies, nor could I make it to Konoha in time”. Then I remember. Sasuke. “Soon I will join you Amaya-san”. “When we were in anbu together, I wanted to see you walk down the aisle one day, but never thought I would see you in the casket, six feet under. Things don’t go like we want it to, does it?”, “I'm always late. When I wanted to confess, I refrained. I could not because I had Izumi. And the next moment it was too late. I wanted to meet you a few months ago, but I hesitated and reasoned it out as Akatsuki mission ahead. I was late. I lost it all, Amaya”, I sighed. “Forgive me Sasuke, next time”. “Forgive me Sasuke, next time”. “Forgive me Sasuke, next time”. I never made it, right brother? I closed my eyes, hanging my head low in front of the gravestone. Drenched clothes sent shivers, but it was the least I could care. I remember that betrayal, hurt and fury in her eyes, all mixed. I did not mean to check her apartment for one last time before I planned to join Akatsuki, but I did. I did not know what I was supposed to say. I slaughtered my entire clan except for my little brother. How will I even say a final goodbye to her? “Why Itachi?”, I could never forget the grief in her voice and the pain in those jet-black eyes. Telling her the truth was hard, but I could not see her look at me that way. I refrained myself from confessing again. She always wanted Izumi and I to be happy. Maybe I could never confess if not now. But, this wasn’t the time. I am a rogue ninja now. A criminal. A serial-killer. A betrayer. A man who cannot be trusted. “You accepted disgrace in the place of honour, hate in the place of love. You did kill your clan, your parents, saw your friend die, lost Izumi-Chan. I don’t know what to say anymore, Itachi-kun. I don’t know”, she sighed heavily, shaking her head. “Just… Don’t let my brother know about this. I want him to go as I decided, but please promise me he will be alright”, I pleaded at the end, looking away out of the window. “Itachi-kun…”, she called out for the last time before I left. “Thank you for being a wonderful friend, even if it was only for a year and a half. You always brought the best out of me, like you were the light that blazed inside me to shun the murky darkness even when you had so much on your shoulders. I’m sorry, I could not help you”. “You were the only person after Shisui who came this close to me”, I smiled over my shoulder, “It’s goodbye then Amaya-san”. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help but love you when I knew all the way I wasn’t supposed to feel that way towards you when there was Izumi”. My body tensed. She. Loved. Me. I said nothing in return. I was not worth it. She was not worth the burden if I reciprocate. It had to end this way. We were meant to be on separate ways. Even if it was only for the last few months of my time in Konoha, I will carry these memories to my grave. “I will get going”, I blurted before jumping out of her window.