Vulnerable Flame Of Love Between Guts

I heard thier little scream like they're just shivered of what i just said. I laughed at what they did, then they happily introduced theirselves to me, and ask me some questions. Sila daw ang kasama ko mamaya sa stage. Pati ang nag aayos saaakin ay nanginginig ang kamay kaya hinawakan ko iyon na lubos nitong ikinagulat. Ilang sandali din ang itinagal ko doon bago ako lumabas para mapadali ang pag pasok ko sa stage. Nag iintro palang ang mga host nakaririnig na ako ng mga ingay sa labas. Nasa tabi ko lang ang nag ayos saakin pati si ang manager ko. Kanina pa nag uusap ang dalawa sa gilid ko, minsan nakikisabay ako at nakikipag tawanan. "Alam mo ba, meron tayong guest na gwapo ngayon. Sikat syang abogado..at..sikat na CEO ng isang kompanya! 2 in 1, mima." Sabi ni bering na nag ayos saakin kanina. I wonder who it is.. i hope its not him.. "Oo alam ko, ang yummy nga nya, e." Humagikhik pa ito. "Malilate daw sya dahil natraffic daw, pero on the way na. Makakasama siguro iyon ni charrie mamaya." Sabi ng manager ko at tumingin saakin na parang makahulugan ngunit ipinagsawalang bahala ko iyon. Tumango tango lang ako hanggang sa nagsimula na ang lahat. Nag simula na akong mag lakad ng bumukas ang screen na parang nahati ito. May lumabas pa na usok mula sa tabi kaya naman natatawa nalang ako. Matinding hiyawan ang narinig ko mula sa sa crowd at mga palakpakan pa. Pinaupo naman ako ni miss raquel na host at ang katabi nya naman ay si miss wilma. May ilang kamustahan pa ang naganap at mga games ang naganap hanggang sa dumako kami sa Question and answer. Pero bago magsimula ang lahat ay nagulat ako ng may isinenyas ang ilan na mga staff kay miss wilma. Nang makuha iyon ni miss wilma ay may ibinulong ito kay miss raquel. Kaya naman napawi ang ngiti ko. Maya maya ay sumenyas naman saakin si miss raquel na dadating na ang guest na sinasabi ni mommy kanina. Bakit pala hindi ko naitanong kung sino? Baka naman pogi kaya ayos na. Pwede kaming mag bulungan dahil comercial pa naman. Pero nang mag sign na ang director saamin ay umayos na ako ng upo. Iba naman ang posisyon ngayon. Sa high chair naman kami naka upo at ang katabi kong upuan ay bakante. "Welcome back sa ating show kung saan, dadako na tayo ulit sa question and answer! Masasagot na ang mga katanungan nyo!" Masayang bati ni miss Raquel. "Yan, so, as you can see, nakikita nyo ngayon sa tabi ay si miss charrie padin! Ngayon, naman.. let's be welcome, Mr. Godwin Janvier Vergara!" Hiyaw iyon ni miss wilma. Even if the crowd is screaming i felt like a deaf person. Even though my hands were clapping, i felt my hands slowly going a dumb. Even i am smiling genuinely, i felt it was raw now. I didn't even expected him to be here. And i dont really want him see anymore, he ruined me. He ruined everything about me..he steal everything..turns out to be torn for so many years. He made me this way, thats why i hate him, he made me a monster. Hanggang sa maramdaman ko nalang ang presensya nya sa tabi ko at saka ko sya buong lakas na nilingon kahit para akong sasabog na sobrang kaba. Sarkastiko akong ngumisi sakanya pero walang emosyon ang mukha niya. "Are you okay, miss charrie? Nakakaputla ba ang kagwapuhan ni Mr. Vergara?" Pabirong sabi ni miss wilma. I laughed sarcastically like i am devil now, thats why the crowd remain silent again. Nilingon ko naman si godwin na nakatagis ang bagang. Umiwas ako ng tingin at nag taas ng kilay. "N-no, i dont find him handsome after all." T I dont want to be rude but my mouth is being too mean again. Tumikhim naman si miss raquel at nag simula nang kamustahin si godwin tungkol sa trabaho nya at kung ano man ang kaemehan nya sa buhay. Hanggang sa dumako ang tanong saakin bilang pagsisimula pa ng question and answer. "So, miss charrie, first question. Ready na ba ang crowd!?" Masiglang sabi ni miss wilma. "YESS!!" "Okay then, this is the question. Are you single, or taken?" I chuckled. "Yeah, im single." pabiro kong sabi. "Do you have an relationship with someone, even high school?" Ano to, closure? Sa hindi malamang dahilan ay tumingin saakin si godwin. "Yes, of course.." "Okay then, how many, and which one do you considered it as a serious one?" Natawa ako lalo. "I am not a player after all, i dont even want to play games, i dont even want a puppy love cause i dont want regrets. But when you asking me if how many they are, he just one." "Huh? Why the term 'they are'? But you said that it was one, right??" Natatawang singit ni godwin. You never change, gusto mo palaagi akong napapahiya. Bakit parang lumalabas na saating dalawa, ako ang may kasalanan sa sinasabi ko.. Tumaas ang sulok ng labi ng pasarkastiko at tumingin sakanya at nakipag eye to eye. "I didn't expect you to say that mr. Overlapping, and you even ask me that way, huh." may panunuyang sabi ko sa mata nya. "Well. Why the term 'they are' i used. Its simple and easy," Nag iwas na ako ng tingin sakanya dahil hindi ko kaya, nanghihina ang tuhod ko kahit naka upo ako. "All men tried to chase me, even i am not that enough, even that all men entertained me, that only one boy took me, i even value his true worth, and most of all, i choosed, and the one man i only choose no matter what." Nakarinig ako ng kanya kanyang ungot ang audience pati narin sila wilma at raquel. "So, kung ganon, Hindi ko na itatanong kung bakit at sino ha. Ang tanong ko nalang, kung nakahanap ka ng bagong mamahalin, alin doon ang gusto mo, o alin doon ang bagay na gusto mo sakanya. Kumbaga bagong ideal man mo!" "Hmm.. maybe, the one whose love me unconditionally and who will accept me after all." Napatingin ulit si godwin saakin dahil sa sinabi ko. "Bakit dalwa lang? Ayaw mong dagdagan ng care, ng eme, ganon.." tanong ni wilma. Malungkot akong ngumiti. "For me, if you say love, it mixed by all of that. All you need is on love. Thats why it called it love, right? Love is so many definitions, even to your life. Then the second one is the acceptance. I think if you are loved, you will find it rare." "Ohhhhhh.." ang crowd. "So, bakit yon ang gusto mo sa lalaki?" Exited na tanong naman ni Raquel. "Maybe, maybe because.." napalunok ako. "Thats the thing i never felt before? Maybe that one.." Tumawa ako para di awkward. "Why?" "I loved that man unconditionally, endlessly and with no assurance. Love is like gambling. Its like entering it naively, and you dont know how to play with it. Its like torn trap, that you can't never be escaped with it. Cause i think, if you really loved, you will bound focusing the trap, that is why you are slowly neglecting about your self." "If you loved, you will give everything. Your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, you are giving the all of you because you are loved even you are slowy losing your self. And still..you are not enough. I just learned that, even you give the damn all of you, there's always missing. And i find it toxic, cause no one deserve to beg just to be love. Kahit ibigay mo ang lahat, kahit kalimutan mo ang lahat, kahit na mahalin mo at ipagkaloob mo ang sarili mo, hindi sapat." "At the end of the day, you will just find yourself lost and dumbfoded, because you loved too much. Cause too much is not love, and i loved by my own definition. Love will never be too much. I just loved unconditionally." Nang lingunin ko si Godwin ay nakatagis ang bagang nito at masama ang mukha habang nakakuyom ang kanyang kamao at animoy pilit na ikinakalma ang sarili. Si wilma at Raquel naman ay nagkatinginan. Ako lang ang nakakakita dahil ako lang ang lubos na nakakakilala sakanya "So, ahm. Grabe naman.. ano nalang ang masasabi mo sakanya kung sakaling nanonood sya." Kinagat ko ang labi ko saka yumuko saka ngumisi. "Now that i found my self, and now that i loved my self more, i want to thank you of being part of me, because if you never came to my life, i think i will not strong enough to sit here." Masigabong palakpakan ang narinig ko sa crowd habang isinisigaw ang pangalan ko. And i think this is he all wanted, to chase my dream. But still, my infinity is not on my hand still, there was an missing thing i dont know what thing i could placed. "Kung sakaling bibigyan ka ng chance? Babalik kaba sakanya?" Doon lang kumalma ang crowd sa tanong ni wilma. "No, cause i never seen my self to be with him again...i already moved on..and i think, he's already too.." "Especially, he's happily married." I dont wanna betrayed my self saying this, even if he begged me to comeback.. to stay again.. I will never, ever, regret what truly happened.. He betrayed many times, he made me lost my self... Never again..