HIDE AND SEEK

"Aniki! Let's play hide and seek!" tuwang-tuwa sambit ko sa kanya. "Sur-" but before he could complete his words, ang kanyang matamis na ngiti ay biglang napalitan ng takot na reaksyon habang nakatingin siya likuran ko. "CAN I JOIN?" Natumba ako sa sahig nang lingunin ko ang boses na nasa likuran ko. "D-Dad.." nauutal at nanginginig kong sambit sa kanya. I was shocked, when my older brother suddenly stepped in and knelt in front of dad. "Forgive us father," he apologized. "Oh dear... I'm not mad. I just want to join. Let's play hide and seek, with me my sons!" Dad's excited tone as he grinned at us like crazy. Napalunok na lang ako ng titigan ko ang mukha ni dad. For me, I see him as a demon that he's willing to toy with and punish us. "Ako ang taya. When I count to ten, you must be hidden," sabik na sabik niyang sambit samin pagkatapos ay tinakpan niya ang kanyang mga mata gamit ang kanyang kaliwang braso. "Ichi! Ni! San!" he's starting to count. (Japanese trans; One! Two! Three!) Mabilis akong tinulungan ni kuya na tumayo at agad niya akong hinila papunta sa taas. Hindi ko alam pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang panlalamig ng kamay ni kuya. "What's going on?" nagtatakang tanong ko sa kanya ng pumasok kami sa silid ng dating katulong namin dito sa bahay. "Why are you scared? Nakikipaglaro lang naman si dad diba?" tanong ko ulit sa kanya pero hindi niya ako sinagot at tila para bang natataranta ito. Binuksan niya ang lumang cabinet at laking gulat ko nang tinutulak niya ako para pumasok dito. "Stay here, kahit anong mangyari o maririnig mo wag na wag kang lalabas dito. Okay?" pabulong niyang sabi. "B-But I'm scared of the d-dark, don't lea—" "You're a man, so bear with it," he said and slowly closed the door. Why do I feel we will be punished? We didn't do anything wrong, we just had fun. Why is happiness replaced by sadness? Bago isara ni kuya ang pinto ng cabinet, ang mga mata niya na may takot ang huling nakita ko bago magdilim ang aking paligid. Sa oras na ito, tanging malalakas na pintig ng aking puso lamang ang aking naririnig. Mga ilang minuto kong pananatili dito sa loob, narinig ko ang malakas na daing ni kuya. Kaya dahil sa takot ko tinakpan ko ang aking mga teynga at pinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Umabot ng tatlong minuto ang mga sigaw sa sakit ni kuya bago tuluyang naging tahimik. Nanginig ako sa takot ng marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. Mas lalo akong nanginig sa takot matapos kong marinig ang boses ni dad. Walang tigil na tumutulo ang aking mga luha habang tinatakpan ko ang aking bibig upang pigilan ang aking pag hikbi. "Daku...where are you? Oh dear, please come out," parang kumakantang tawag niya sa akin. "YOU F*CKING CHILD! WHERE THE F*CK ARE YOU!!!!!" Because of his shout, I flinched, causing my sobbing to intensify. When I realized that my sobs were getting louder, I quickly covered my mouth and I closed my eyes. But little by little I could see the light... and when I opened my eyes, my whole body trembled. My father was in front of me, he was staring at me with his small poisonous eyes. I wanted to run for safety, but my feet would not allow me to do so. I can't speak, only sobs come out of my mouth. I feel like I'm stuck in my seat, I can not stand up. "I.... FOUND...YOU...." He whispered and a fit o maniacal laughter jolted through him. He grabbed my hair and dragged me out of the cabinet. I screamed in pain, as if my scalp was being torn. But my father seems to be deaf to my every plea to him. "Your grandmother and I used to play this, but I never experienced being a seeker." His eyes were emotionless, but his expression on his face was different. He grinned at me and seemed very eager to do something. I trembled even more when I saw my brother lying on the floor and bruised. He was lying lifeless on the floor. I'm scared...I'm so scared....please someone help me. Help me escape this madness... "After this, let's play again." He raised his fist and he grabbed my collar so that he could hit my face. I'M SO SCARED.... "What did you do to my son!!" Mom shouted and quickly came to us. He pushed dad and hugged me. When I saw my mother's gentle face, I quickly hugged her. "M-Mom..I'm so s-scared.... please don't leave me alone..." I mumbled. "Ayyshh!!! You f*****g b***h!!!" Dad shouted angrily and slapped mom. My cold, sweat and tears mixed when I heard mom moan in pain. He grabbed mom's hair. "You are disturbing our father-son bonding!!!" He screamed in a scary tone. I can't see it, I can't see what they say love. What is the love of a husband for his wife? He was about to slap mom again when suddenly his cell phone rang. "You're so lucky today insolent b***h," he uttered and he let go of mom's hair. Bago niya sinagot ang tumawag sa cellphone niya, huminga muna siya ng malalim at saka ngumiti ng matamis. "Hello?" masiglang sagot niya sa kausap niya at bago siya humakbang lumingon siya sa akin at tiningnan niya ako ng masama. Nang makaalis na si dad agad kong hinawakan ang pisnge ni mom at pinahiran ko ang mga luha na nasa pisnge niya. "Mom, are you okay?" humahagulhol na tanong ko. "I'm okay," malamig na tonong sagot niya. Nakahinga ako ng maayos sa sagot niya at agad akong tumigil sa pag-iyak. Pero bigla kong naalala si kuya, kaya agad akong lumingon sa kanya. Nakahandusay parin ito habang ang kanyang labi ang may sugat at ang ilong niya ay dumudugo. "Aniki!" sigaw ko at mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya. "Aniki, wake up! Wak-" But before I complete my words bigla kong narinig sa likuran ang malamig na boses ni mom. "You're a bad son. Ang bilin ko sayo na wag kang makipaglaro sa kanya but you did! You little f*****g piece of s**t!" sigaw niya. My eyes widened when I turned to her, she suddenly hit me on the forehead with a vase. My time slowed down, my eyes blurred. When I touched my forehead, I felt liquid dripping from the forehead. When I looked at it, it was blood. My own blood.... I just felt my body gradually fall to the floor. I thought that when she came to save me from my father's hands, I had escaped the madness, but why do I feel like I'm trapped in the madness again? Is violence really love? What is a mother's love for her child? DOES MOM REALLY LOVE ME? My mother was the last I saw before I folded my lids. — THIS IS A SCENE FROM MY w*****d NOVEL TRAPPED IN MADNESS. I JUST DESCRIBE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE AND FEAR OF A CHILD.