Crazy dangerous love

prologue My father used to say not all people are capable to love, but I was too young to understand the meaning of love back then. Hell, I still don’t know what love is. One thing I always knew, I wanted for myself something like what my parents had. “You will know you love someone from the very moment you lay eyes on him, look at us now” he used to say while kissing my mother in the forehead. I believed him like a fool, because their love was pure and unconditional. love hurts, love is patience, forgiveness and enduring they say, but most importantly, respect and trust. “Respect demands respect. Never lie if you don’t want to be lied to” he would say. However, how much can you endure for love? Can you forgive and forget anything and everything for love? Can you love someone with all your heart and soul and be selfish at the same time? Love is a crazy and dangerous thing. chapter one Nina’s pov I stirred in my bed, the same dream has hunted my nights for the last 13 years of my life, since the day my parents were brutally killed. No matter how old I am now, I still feel the same agony of losing them every time I dream of them. I can see my mother’s gray eyes which reflect my own, wide open in fear. I hear their cries for help and mercy, but none was grated. I hear them call my name over and over until they become whispers with their last breath, until the light leaves their eyes. I thought the pain would be lesser with time, but I guess I don’t deserve a break from this hell. Still hurts the same, like I’m trapped in a loophole for the rest of my life. Why do those dreams still torture me? Isn’t losing my parents painful enough that I have to revive those memories from time to time? I sometimes decide not to sleep because sleeping is pain for me. People find peace and rest in their sleep, not me. I only find pain, despair, and emptiness, my own piece of hell on Earth. What did I ever do to deserve such fate? Was I a bad person in my previous life? I scoffed, like such thing is even possible. I still remember like it was yesterday the last day I spent with them. It was my birthday; I never celebrated it since then. Never had reasons to be happy alone and secluded in an orphanage. The first days were hell, the pain, the loneliness, the hateful stares of the other girls my age, the mocking words hurt the most. I got over it over the years, though. However, the dreams never left me, I still dream of them, only difference there has been changes over the years. The sitting, the outcome was the same my parents dead but me holding them, crying over them, then running. Running for my life, from a man who chased me and tortured me until I succumbed to his demands. Those dreams only fueled my rage and thirst for revenge, none of this would have happened if they didn’t kill my parents like some animals. I still remember that day when they dropped me off to school. For some reason when they hugged me and kissed me goodbye, I didn’t want to let them go. I should have gone with them; I would also be dead. I shook my head, this needs to stop, I can’t keep going like this. Living like a damn zombie, living in the past, it’s been 13 years for god’s sake, why can’t I just let go? It brings me no good, no happiness only emptiness. Will I live the rest of my life like this? I am tired of it already, but how can I stop the dreams from invading my head? or feeling this empty? It’s not like I have control over my emotions or dreams. But for my sake and the sake of the ones I love, this needs to stop. Now, I have a big and beautiful reason to keep living for, and not just living for the sake of living. No, I need to live and enjoy life at its fullest, enjoy her and give her all of me. The best version of me not some shell of what I’ve never been, because since I remember I’ve always been like this. A shell, but not anymore. “Nina hurry up, god we are so late. You don’t want patients to die because of your tardiness” Cassandra my best friend yelled from the hallway. I just rolled my eyes. How people dying is any of my fault? People die every day because that is how things work, it is how balance is kept, children are born every day, so people have to die every day to maintain earth’s balance. I am a doctor for Christ’s sake, I save lives I don’t make people die, and she better than anyone knows why I’m late. I could barely sleep last night taking care of my daughter Sammy who was sick last night. “Just a minute, I just finished getting Sammy’s things ready” I yelled scaring Sammy a little bit on the process. She’s jumpy today. “It’s ok baby girl, mommy didn’t mean to scare you, come on time to go my love” I picked little Sammy from the crib and headed to the kitchen where Cassandra had breakfast ready in a brown bag knowing we were already late to have breakfast. “Morning princess how are you feeling now?” She asked Sammy making baby voices and kissing her tiny forehead “She’s better now, at least she has no more fever” I said rushing to the door, but Cassy made no move to leave. In fact, she looked like she was constipated making painful faces “What?” I snapped at her, wasn’t she the one rushing me a minute ago? “Are you leaving without shoes?” she asked laughing at my horrified face. Oh god, how could I forge my shoes? Sometimes I think I am losing my mind. Everything seems too much for me to handle. Working hard to prove my worth to the hospital dean. Sleepless nights taking care of Sammy. Becoming a mom overnight and taking care of an entire house on my own is hard. I’m only 23 for God’s sake, girls my age don’t normally do these kinds of things “Oh honey, you desperately need a break or get laid at least” she winked. But I just ignored her and went back to get my shoes. With a painful sigh I knew she was right. It’s been a while since I took some time for myself. “I can take care of Sammy for you, you know. Enjoying life doesn’t make you a bad mother, you are young, beautiful, successful, sexy and many more qualities that I don’t need to name” she said exasperated. She’s always thinking about me. When will I think about myself for a change? Well, I did had years for myself and didn’t have the time to think of enjoying life. Consumed in my studies and when I got time, I thought of what my parents’ murderer was doing while I was all alone in the world, I hated that guy with all my being. We hurried to droop Sammy off at Mrs. Mason’s house and got at the hospital just in time before the morning shift started. I always try to be on time since I just started working at the hospital close to our house, which is great for me and all thanks to my best friend Cassy. I just started 2 months ago, I have a long way to go before achieving my goal at work, since I am only an intern and if everything goes well, I will soon become licensed doctor. While Cassandra is a registered nurse, I’m a doctor, not just yet, but soon, hopefully. I know, many people don’t think I’m a doctor because they think I’m too young, but I studied hard and became a doctor in only six years. When my parents died and I was sent to the orphanage I didn’t have anything interesting to do, so I became focused on studying day and night and it paid off. Thanks to however it was who decided to help me. I made a promise to my parents that one day I would be able to save lives since I couldn’t save theirs. Not that I could have saved them even if I tried because they were brutally killed. We never knew who killed them because we didn’t have anyone seeking answers and since I was a kid and sent to the orphanage nobody cared. And now I don’t want to dwell in the past and open old wounds that are already healed. At least not now anyways, I barely have time for myself, let alone worry for some murdered out there. I just want to focus on my career and my daughter, everything in time and I know one day I will be face to face with those criminals and they will pay. I am just grateful I could fulfill one of my promises to them, it was a great accomplishment for someone as me as well. Not all people have the opportunity I had, since I was really good at studying at really young age, I got a scholarship from a mysterious benefactor for me to study whatever I wanted to study all expenses covered. I was static when I received the news, so I tried even harder than before hence becoming a doctor before most of my classmates. I always wanted to know who my sponsor was, but they said they didn’t want me to know who they were. I just ask the lady in charge of the orphanage to thank them for me. I guess if they invested that amount of money on me, they would at least ask how I was doing. I just considered myself lucky for the opportunity. “Nina, you have a new patient in room 203 I already took her vitals” Cassandra told me before leaving to check on the next patient. What is wrong today? it’s not even noon and I already checked about 10 patients which is an average number of patients I check in a day. I sighed heading to room 203. I knocked on the door before opening the door it’s not like I have to wait for permission, people need attention and soon. I greeted the people inside the room and went to the side of the bed to check on the little girl laying down on the bed with a pained expression on her beautiful face. According to the chart she fell from a bicycle when her father was teaching her how to ride it. Memories of my father teaching me how to ride my pink bike came rushing in my mind and I smiled to the little girl named Sofia. “Ok beautiful this is going to hurt a little ok, but you are a strong and brave young lady and I’ll try my best to do it as fast and without pain as possible ok” she just nodded “Good girl” I proceed to clean the skin on her knee which is the most affected by the impact when she landed on the sidewalk. “Uhmm, it hurst Daddy” she whimpered a little but didn’t cry like most kids do in cases like this “I’m almost done, honey” I said to which she just nodded again, when I was done cleaning the wound, I applied a spray to prevent infection and procced to do some stiches. “Good girl, all done” As soon as was done with Sofia I go to my office and to my surprise Cassandra knocked on my door telling me I have another patient to check before my shift is over and that is a life and death situation. I rushed to check on my next patient, but what surprised me the most it’s that my next patient is a 19 years old boy who was just admitted for drug overdose. “f**k” I cursed. According to Cassy all doctors who obviously are more experienced than me are with other patients or in the operation room while I’m the only one available at the moment. I’ve never dealt before with a case like this. It’s one thing learning at school and a whole different one having his life in my hands. Damn it, what do I do? I panicked a little but forced myself to snap out it and started walking as fast as I could to my next patient knowing it can’t wait for me to be ready and face my fears. That boy can die if I don’t make it in time. When I got to the room the boy had problem breathing and was sweating a lot. I start treating him and putting an oxygen mask on him and stabilized him after a while, but suddenly he had a seizure and I panicked again. I stopped for a second and took a couple of breaths through my nose because I had my mask on. God help me, I know it all in theory, but having the responsibility to save him in my hands is scary. I couldn’t lose my composure at a situation like this. When I was completely relaxed I tried to stabilize him again using a Vagus Nerve Stimulation which is a device that stimulates the Vagus Nerve in your neck sending signals to your brain that inhibit seizures and it worked. I sighed in relief. “I saved the boy’s life” I smiled to myself knowing my work has paid off. The pride and happiness to know you saved a life is something I can’t compare to any other feeling. When I was sure the boy was stable and out of danger, I headed to my office to relax for a little before I leave. It’s been a hell of a day and I still need to take care of Sammy. Who knew being a mother and a doctor is such a hard work, but being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me, I can only speak for myself. It is hard I won’t deny it, only this morning I was going out bare feet. I laughed remembering Cassy’s reaction. She looked so funny trying to control her laughter. I don’t regret having Sammy in my life, on the contrary, she brings me happiness. She gave me the family I lost years ago. It’s hard, but is totally worthy, you know it when you see their happy little face smile when they see you get home after a few hours without seeing you. When you hold them, you feel you have the most precious treasure in your hands. When all tiredness poofs into thin air at the sight of them in front of you, that is the most amazing feeling, at least it is for me. I talked to Cassandra for a while in my office before heading outside to get a cab, Cassandra will keep the car because she is staying a little longer at the hospital and then pick up Sammy while I do some grocery shopping. We only use one car since we work together, no point in bringing two cars at work. Also, If I have extra time do something to pamper myself, I damn well deserve it for working my ass off. I was just making my way outside the hospital when a black SUV halted making the tires screech in my direction. I took one step backwards traying not to get hurt. “What the hell?” A tall guy wearing all black got out from the car and hurried to my side “Are you a doctor?” He asked suspiciously looking at me from head to toe, what the hell is his problem? However, I got worried thinking he was hurt or something. “Yes” I blurted. BIG f*****g MISTAKE! Because next thing I knew he was dragging me and pushing me inside the SUV.