HER MEMORIES

I still remember the first time I saw her it was my first day in school my mom handed me to the teacher and went to her work, I started to cry the moment my mom left somehow my teacher consoled me and made me sit at the desk, I saw some new faces who were sitting before me a bell rang another teacher came she was a nun a loving and a strict one. I started to miss my mom again so I said the teacher that I want go and see my mother but my teacher shouted at me out of anger I threw away my slate and chalk it made my teacher furious the next thing I remember is a thoooop sound and her hand was on my back I got good beating it made me burst into tears but my teacher didn't mind it she continued to write some thing on the board and everyone was copying it on their slate I cried for nearly 10 mins then the bell rang again I hated the school, I hated the teacher who beat me, I hated my mom for leaving me in that school, I hated the whole world and it was at that time a miracle happened something that filled my heart with more and more love that all the hatred I had in my heart disappeared within second, a hand wiped my tears and said don't cry I shall tell her to my dad, I raised my head to see who does the hand that wiped my tears and the voice that made me felt better belongs to. it was at that second I saw her a cute angel standing beside me in school uniform, I still remember those bold big black eyes in fact the back abyss started to suck me into it, I wasn't able to move also I don't wanna move finally I fell into her abyss eyes and till now I am stuck in that abyss may be the hatred in my heart would have known this inescapable black abyss that why it left me as soon as she wiped my tears but now if I can even escape from that abyss I don't want to. now I am ok with the pain. It has been 18 years since I fell into your eyes and I kind of like this pain. this pain reminds me of your eyes, face lips that short black hair for yours, your smile, anger the time we spend together, the memory of every time we had a fight it has been a long 18 years but not long enough for your memories to fade away from my mind remembering it now makes my heart beat faster, I feel shy and excited at the same time, my heart is longing to see you again just like the day we first met ( 8th of June 2003) longing to  feel your hand wiping my tears, you memories makes me shed tears now hope your hand wipes it and make me feel better, I don't know how you look at present but I am confident that I can always recognize your eyes the black abyss I fell. if I see you now my heart is longing to tell you how I feel about you but, It may be late and too early for me to propose to you, I know it may is confusing but yes it may be too late for me to propose you may be during this time you may have fallen in love with some other ( praying to god it should never happen)  or it may be too early. To me, you are my queen to marry a queen like you I should first build my kingdom and became a good king, therefore, I can take care of my queen till death separates us currently, I have neither built a kingdom nor became a king.            From the first day, you step into my home as my queen I want you to be happy in every way possible, the only pain you should bear is the pain of pregnancy if possible I shall bear that pain for you  Oh god where is my imagination going again, I haven't seen her for years but now I am talking about her bearing my child what an i***t I am or is it the magic of love. I have heard people saying love is blind, love is universal, love is infinite, etc but to me love is magical. I have wondered how could I fall in love with you from the second I saw your face, I don't know you, I don't your name, we haven't talked anything but still, the moment I saw you my mind said I should spend the rest of my life in future if you read this and come straight to be and grab my collar asking why I never tell how much I loved you?                                Fear and responsibility I feared if I proposed to you earlier you will get angry and won't talk to me, you trusted me as your friend and invited me to your home several times, I feared that if I proposed to you it will ruin our friendship and the trust you had in me as a friend. after I left the school I was desperate to see you and let you know how I feel and in that desperation, I made several mistakes that even now I regret doing which I am embarrassed to write here when I finally cleared all the mistakes, I had some responsibilities waiting for me, my mom, my father, my family, my parents spent everything they owned for educating me  and now it's my turn to take care of them when they are growing old, I often thought why is education being sold, like food and water in this current world education is a necessity  but it has been sold like some precious good that the wealthy can get whatever they want and the poor can get what they can afford, I am sorry if my thoughts are wrong, also my love I have seen you burst into tears for various reason and I don't want to be a reason for your tears also you were never the reason for my tears the love I had in you is what that made me shed tears for you  saying this i am going to lay and my bed close my eyes and wait for you in my dreams love you G