I'm Not In Love

Chapter Twelve

    When we got home, I was exhausted physically and mentally. I felt like crawling into bed and burying myself in it. I don't know why but I was feeling bad. I felt like pulling my hair off and screaming out my lungs,why was it so hard to deal with that guy. I mean I wasn't expecting him to be the most outgoing and cool guy like the twins,but at least he could be less cold than the tabloids proved him to be.

    What was with him and not being able to interact friendly with people. And there I thought maybe my apology was all it would take to get to him. But, boy was I wrong.

   It was like I took a step closer,and he took even more steps farther.

    So much for wanting to meet my celeb crush. I mentally groaned.

I have looked up to this guy for six years now, stalking his i********: page and social medias, I know a lot of what the media portrayed of him,and what he actually put out to the world on the boys internet. Even if he was rumored to be gay,it couldn't possibly affect his behavior, right?

    I mean even gays are nice.

The boys whisper-chatters filled the room, they had made us stop at a convenient store down the street to get some  drinks and ice blocks and some other stuffs for the party, I didn't really pay them attention,I was too focused on my own thoughts to do that.

Kate joined me on the sofa, a mint fluffy pillow in her hand too. She was mostly cheerful and finding something to do, but i guess, that piece of drama in the studio had us all in a solemn mood.

   "Are you okay?", She asked very silently , that if the boys were in their normal, boyish moods , yelling and ranting about stupid boy stuffs ,I wouldn't hear her. She worried a lot.

    I wasn't okay, so I shook my head.

  "Look An, celebrity or not, you need to know this guy is a real douche bag. I really can't see why you apologized then. " Tunner was the first to say. Tunner on his own was usually hot and cold. One moment he would be sensible and reasonable,the next he would be way off track. And I was justified when he said, "I mean I am also going to be a top star actor soon, it doesn't mean I am going to be a douche bag too"

  They all laughed. I tried to pull off a strained smile too. Tunner was so optimistic about being a model and actor with his good looks. He has being looking into interviews and auditions a lot,but nothing's working out yet. So the boys always made jokes of him a lot.

    Zak would say if he should be an actor, he bet his whole man pride beneath him that Tunner would f**k every girl on set. Hell loose,if he probably got given a s*x scene. We would always laugh at that,it was so true. And even Tunner would not dispute that. The boy was one specially made human being, I'ld say.

    "I had to apologize Tunner,I mean... it was partially my fault for tripping on him and being late for the meeting with Steve. If he is being giving you guys attitude cos of that, I should apologize,right?", I ranted looking from one man to another.

  They were sitting on the round plush,fluffy cartoon sofas on the gray carpeted floor,facing me.

    " Forget it mama. From what I've seen so far, traps attitude is just plain sick. It wasn't you falling on him or being late, the twins were cool with it right. He is actually a d**k. Finalle," Zak pointed out, he had his baseball cap worn backwards, and legs crossed like he was meditating. Now even Zak was being serious,made me doubt the whole talk to Anna drama. He was the total opposite of serious.

       "Immature d**k", Tunner added.

"Word!",Ralph wolfed out and we laughed. Yeah I did too.

I possibly couldn't stay mad with them around. No,not with the combo of Ralph,Zak and Tunner, I wouldn't be able to help it.

    The moon translucented through the glassy panes  in the stead of walls surrounding the two sides of the room that looked over the backyard and the front side. The stars were in their full glorious form and it seemed like it was calling me. It was Stephen's voice that jeered me back to them.

    "Get over it girl",he said," trap is who he is. Don't let him get to you okay?"

   He said those words calmly, that I remember what trap had said.

       You just don't know me.

Maybe there was more to him than his shitty attitude. Maybe he wasn't be unfriendly on purpose. I would like to know that. My smile lit up their faces, but I was thinking something else. I might have to put away my pride for some time.

    I made this mess, and I'll fix it. I may be dying,but I don't want to regret not doing what I should have done. The reality of me dying made me cringe, I was accepting that fact sooner than expected.

     "So what d'you say. We have a party to organize?", Ralph asked .

    This time my smile was genuine and broad,pulling in my dimples too deep inside. "We'll be cray cray not to. Let's get this party rolling!", I half-shouted to boost their already dampened spirit to the ones they had before trap ruined it.

     "Atta girl!",Zak said and chest bumped Ralph .

   I laughed ,and saw Kate's eyes brightened. For some moment there I realized she was more concerned about me than the party, and that touched something in me.

     So Kate and I  found some fairy lights in the basement and set up the courtyard. I told her we were going to use some of it to decorate our room later on,because we found a lot of it in a big box, probably the last set of dancers used it and kept it there. The dancing court was made of a very big round coated wood,surrounded by beautiful flowers of different kinds, like Lily and marigold and some others. There was not much decorations to give it a more party mood, Kate was regretting that we didn't tell her sooner so she could have shop for the decors. I thought it was better that way, we weren't planning on anything extravagant anyway.

       Zak and Tunner set the table and chairs, while Ralph performed his magic with the barbeque stand he found in the kitchen. I could already smell the aroma of grilled chicken and meats,and sauce.

      Stephen and Daniel were in charge of putting the drinks in a pail of ice blocks and setting up the music. They settled on Trimix first EP album of about four years ago. As old as the songs were, hearing it now still got me moving to it, and the guys too, seeing as they were singing along.

          These guys were like six years old in the industry and they were already being tagged as legends on the net. Their songs and Trap's rap solos and the music videos were all hits and I couldn't agree more. Plus their effective handsomeness,the combo of the cute, identical twins with their charms and Trap's rough-edged features and beautiful manliness, they have by little efforts won the hearts of lots of people world wide.    Plus me.

         After an hour or so,we were all set and relaxing with shots of vodka, while we wait for the twins. Kate and I were give coca-colas.

           Honestly,a big part of me really wished Trap would come. I would like to try and make all of my wrongs, right. Because, really,this wasn't how I planned meeting him. I wanted to get to know him,I had a lot of dreamy fantasies on how I would meet my long-known idol crush of a lifetime –you don't want to know about it. Thinking back now I remember how,Daniel and Tunner used to tease Kate and I whenever we were whyning about Trap and the twins. How we would squeal and scream heartily at their pictures and any tiny thing they did. The whole school had thought we needed help,and they had feared we would turn to two high-school crazy stalkers and leave our lives chasing after these guys. Mum wasn't always too around but whenever she caught me in my fangirling act she would just roll her eyes and leave me to myself.

     But then after everything, he hates me. And our meeting was a disaster. I was starting to guess that even seeing me alone would upset him,maybe that was why he didn't want to come tonight. I sighed.

    The nights cool breeze sifted by gently,and I sniffed in a healthy part of summer passing by. It would be fall very soon and the air while be even crispier, wouldn't be as hot as it was now. The boys were talking altogether,laughing at some jokes I might have missed when the twins appeared from the corner of the house,announcing their arrival.

    "Hey yo, what's up guys",Nick hollered,with a broad smile on his lips.

"Twins!", Kate squealed,raising her arms in the air.

       "It's our honor to have you guys,you're welcome", Daniel welcomed them,as gentlemanly as he could.

  No sign of Trap at all, but I still managed a faint smile. Better not to ruin the night before it even started because I was sulking on what should have been.

"Hey barbie!", Nike spotted me and called out. He has been real nice to me especially,ever since the meeting with Steve.

       I started differentiating them from each other last year,even as I was busy with my life and part times, I finally was able to tell Nick and Nike, and it was like a quiz puzzle solved to me. And telling them apart even got easier,with Nike always yelling  "barbie!" Instead of my real name. I always wondered though,how he just came up with calling me barbie. I knew I was far from a beauty as barbie, although I do have my moments and my charming smiles,but I couldn't possibly be twenty percent close to barbie.

   But for the fact that this big guy was calling me that, I'll take it no matter what .

So I smiled at him and nugded him over to sit beside me,which he did, " so glad you're here",I told him.

       "It's my pleasure. I  kinda felt this is going to be a great time with you guys.", He said,as he took a shot of vodka from Ralph. He looked at the table and I saw his face lit up at the sight of steaks Ralph was now placing on the table and the whole chicken in the center of the table. Some of them whistled, others –mmmned-,kate–yayed–excitedly lifting her fork and knife in her hands as she scrutinized the steaks, while I just smiled. I noticed Stephen smile too,he was sitting across from me on the table,and Nick was just beside me.

  "Nice, this looks good" , Nike beamed.

"Tastes good too, courtesy of moi", Ralph said proudly as he finished distributing everybody's grilled steaks before he settled down. Ralph prayed and I figured the twins were kind of taken aback at the fact that we pray before we eat, but Ralph has made it a tradition and we were used to it. When everyone started digging into their food, Nike spoke first.

   "So we're sorry guys, Trap won't be coming. He is kind of down right now'. His voice wasn't the thick bass one unlike Trap's,but his was gentle and calm that at that moment if he was asking me out, i'ld be tempted to say yes and that amused me.

    For some reason I also felt down that trap wouldn't come. Who was I kidding, it was obvious enough that he wouldn't come, I guess I just wished he would come.I cut into a slice of my steak and bit into it. God,it was so delicious and tender.Ralph had sauced it so well that it tasted  a little spicy and juicy ,and the pepper and onions everything just clicked as I savoured it. This has officially brightened my mood for the rest of the night.

     "You know Trap's like always down. Is he always like that?. Don't talk to people,makes them feel little,makes things awkward. He is suppose to be our idol", Daniel put out,a matter-of-factly

    "He is trust me. He just have a bit of a situation. It's hard to understand him. But we do. And we want you to know he means no harm." Nick explained,looking from one man to another. At this point only Ralph was busy eating his meal. The world could burn to ashes when he eats,and he wouldn't even know or care.

     I turned back to my dish and stabbed a small cut of steak with my fork. I don't want to appear too concerned about the topic.

  "Just like Nick had said. You won't understand,but we apologize in his stead either way. Deep down he is a good guy. Just give him some time." Nike said gently. He was such a good guy. They both were. Defending their friends even when he wasn't there. Their loyalty was so real.

          "Been thinking about talking to Steve about him. Seems like he is trying to bully Anna on purpose". Stephen proposed from across the table

    "NO!!"––– the twins yelled at him.

Which f*****g startled the hell out of me. And the rest too.

  "The fuck..?", Tunner asked.

"Sorry. Yo man you don't have to do that. There is no bullying here".

"Yeah, trust,nothing like this is gonna happen again. Besides, we'll always be around to keep an eye on him.", Nick said reassuringly.

      Stephen only sighed and shook his head gently." Alright. I just don't want the because he is a celeb-he-can-do-anything s**t. I don't want that."

    Nike waved that off, "nah, nothing like that okay. Now let's get this party on!", He beamed arousing everyone's party mood.

    "This is cheers to more beautiful cooperation between dance and music", Daniel proposed and we all cheered with laughters. And he raised up the music volume.

    "Oh Dragon fly!",Nike said and smiled.

  "This song is way old. Yo!",Nick added,and sipped his wine.

      "What's your best part Nike?" I asked. We were talking about song and I felt could butt in at least.

"My part of course.

         Tell it on me,I don't worry about bitches. Eyes on the doughs and my hands holding drinks. Mama

Said boy don't you hatin on your homie,

   People rise, people fall,life keeps moving. And when you're down ,don't you wait cos dragon flies and could be mystical. But you gotta hold on hope and you try once again....,s**t!!",we all ended his part of the song together and burst out laughing.

    This song has really survived time.

  "If you don't mind, i'ld really like to ask some questions.i know internet tells us things,but they are scraps.i have like tons of questions I want to ask", I said,I was feeling optimistic about this because this was like a golden opportunity to get to know them ,I don't want to pass it up. But again they could plainly turn me down, because artiste like them would always be cautious of what they share with people. It was worth a shot anyway.

    "Sounds like what fans would say. Guess you've been bottling it up in for a while now." Nike said with a chuckle and shared a meaningful stare with Nick.

    I smiled ,Kate was now so ecstatic,holding my hands pretty tight,to stop her from squealing. I felt her mood. It was surreal enough sitting with these big guys.

    "Oh trust me. These girls are the biggest fans you would ever have. ",Zak assured them ,pointing his forks at us accusingly.

"Really?"  Nike looked at me as he asked, smiling from ear to ear,and I felt like I was turning jelly.

      "Anna and Kate would always threaten us to listen to their fantasies about how they would get to date you.." Tunner was saying and Kate and I screamed  and lounged forward,throwing chopped lettuces at him to shut him up. But his words were out already,earning low chuckles from the twins. That was embarrassing. I was looking everywhere but their faces.

      That boy was an i***t. And he was smiling wickedly at us. Everyone of them were, when I couldn't hold it in, I smiled too ,I remembered those days as memories came back washing at me.

   "You still wanna date them Kay?",Daniel asked,he was been sarcastic. So I just rolled my eyes.

     Kate broke a laugh and looked in his baby blue eyes, "you know it's you or no one babe", she said very low-ish that I got the goose.

Daniel smiled.

"Eew Daniel ,I know that look dude", Ralph said as he sipped his wine carefully.

    Daniel ignored him however,"this is just to remind them",he said matching her tone and dipped his head down to tongue-kiss her raw.

   "s**t,y'all dirty people"

"Get a room".

     "You gotta know,been with us means you're gonna see shits like this a lot. No offence,okay", Stephen said ,smiling as he told the twins.

    "No..none taken.", Nike said

"I mean this is America, people kiss even in the subways",He said with a shrug.

I inhaled an exagerated gasp  "You've been to the Subway?!"

    "One time trap dared us to go scream at a train or we lose two hundred thousand bucks each to him",Nike answered.

I gasped again," how did I miss that?".

Nick laughed,"it's been a while anyway, I would love to go again"

I draped my hands on the table and looked at him from across the table,"did you get back at him?".

     He snooped forward on the table,and looked as if he was going to tell me a topmost secret , he opened his phone and revealed a pretty girl in heavy makeup,an expensive extension,a flowing pink dress,and a black stiletto. I've seen this picture anyway, Nick captioned it as his pretty friend who just came in from Las Vegas But those arms and bust doesn't pass for a lady.

    "This is trap from our comeback revenge."

  And boom!–––That was how i screamed, "what?!"

   The two guys broke into a rumble round of laughter.

     "No way. It looks like him",Zak commented ,eyes all widened as he looked into the picture again.

     It did look like him a little bit,how come he passed so much for a girl in those makeup and hair and dress. When it all registered to me,I joined in the laughters. It was so hilarious.

   "No this is the highest level of dare.y'all wicked",Kate accused them, but still managed to let out some laughs .

     "No wonder he acts like a b***h,dude could actually transgend", Zak said laughing,but it didn't come out right. And we all,gave him the "look". Stephen was the one who smacked him.

          "Ow!.. that's harsh man",he wailed,as he rubbed his back.

       "That's some s**t thing to say,bruh", at least Ralph had some sense.

    "Anyway,that picture really is priceless. Something for a damn blackmail", Daniel said,and chuckled. We all agreed to that.

      "So anyway, how was meeting each other. Was there a few brotherly moment,like fisting,you know. Whose face got hit?", Ralph asked,throwing some feeble punches in the air and ducking his head same time.

        I shook my head and laughed," I doubt that Ralph. But that's a good one actually. I've always wanted to know. How did y'all meet, Nike?" I asked him very enthusiastically,all grinning from ear to ear,I felt like a baby .

                Nike laughed at my expression,the way the dimmed night's light showered gloriously on him,made him look like a British statue,flawless and attractive, his eyes twinkled gently as he laughed. He was really handsome,but I doubt he was one quarter close to Trap's handsomeness.

            "Okay so as you know already, we met Trap in college. Dude was always muttering something,always with his earphone on. So Nick and I started to stalk him until one day when we caught him singing on the bleachers..."

           " On the bleachers?", I asked

Nike nodded," mmn hmm...he was really good ,still is though. So we hooked up,started a band and played at  fests and clubs. You know,till we finished in college and came together to California."

         " So there wasn't fisting then?", Ralph seemed disappointed.

     We laughed," no Ralph,there wasn't", Nike assured him.

      " What about..?", Kate was saying,but Daniel cut her off.

     "Okay y'all enough questioning for one night. Let's play some games"

      Kate and I slumped back in our seats before they got us all jumbled up in excitement again with their cheering . Well, I guess we could always get to know each other later on.

       The boys engaged us in some funny games,loser gets to drink some booze. Kate and I were given soda drinks, something about us not been eighteen yet. Another game where Zak had to play chicken whenever he missed a spelling. We had fun with the two celebrities with us. I didn't think I would be forgetting this day, not even if my nerves keep acting up.

             If only Trap was here.

       "Uh, we're really sorry, but we gotta go. Work day tomorrow", Nick announced, holding half-drunk Nike with both hands.

        "But tomorrow's Saturday",I pouted.

       Nick didn't drink much, he was still pretty much himself. I noticed he has been sipping his wine a lot and didn't much miss a game. And I admired that.

      He smiled easily, "We are Trimix. We always have work. Well except on Sundays... And besides Alisa told us to return early"

        We nodded and agreed it was time we slept too.

       The twins left, with Nike stumbling as he walked. Zak helped Ralph in, and Daniel carried Kate in.

            Leaving me and Stephen.

    He was a bit lively tonight. He responded well to the games and laughed at the right moments. He didn't drink too much too.

I was  packing the glass cups and bottles when he held my hand. He was still sitting across the table,his head was bowed.

         I looked at him. Was he hurting?. I wanted to ask if he was okay.

       "Anna..?" He called my name,as if he had been practicing to say it for a while.

            "What is it Stephen?, Do you want something?", I gently asked. I didn't want to scare him away. He could be hurting. His eyes was really distant, I couldn't tell if something was wrong.  

       Then he just smiled and released my hand from his grip. "Leave that to me. Go in and sleep,okay?".

      I hesitated for a while. Was that it?. I was sure it was more than it,but Stephen wasn't the type to say it if he was hurting. His features were rather calm .

          "Are you sure you can do it alone?",I asked him

       He nodded slightly," Go on"

   " Okay. Good night Stephen"

   " Good night".

           With that said, I left him to himself, I didn't want to probe for more. I didn't want to ask what might not have been.

           So I just left.