Who Were My Loves and Losses For?

I was standing barefoot in the foyer when my husband told my best friend she was leaving Alder Bay. "Get in the car, June." Adrian's voice held none of the warmth I'd heard from him that morning, when he'd kissed the curve of my stomach before leaving for the office. Now he stood between June and the open front door, one hand raised toward the black sedan idling beyond the steps. June looked at me. The security guards beside her didn't touch her, but they had blocked the hall behind her and taken her coat. I could see the small red mark around one of her wrists where someone had caught her before I came downstairs. "Adrian," I said. "What is this?" He didn't look at me. "She sold your medical records." "That's a lie," June said. "You can explain yourself somewhere else." My hand went to my stomach before I could stop it. The movement seemed to sharpen his expression. He turned toward me at last, and I saw the fear there, though it had hardened into something colder. "I'm handling it," he said. "You're handling my friend by having security escort her out of our house?" "She's not safe here." "She's been living here for three months." "And now she's leaving." June had stayed with us after her apartment building's pipes burst. She had also driven me to my first prenatal appointment, sat outside the exam room during the genetic screening, and stayed awake with me through the night I'd spent worrying about a faint spot of blood. She was the person I called when Adrian traveled. She knew the name I'd chosen for the baby and the one I'd crossed off the list because it belonged to his father. I stepped toward the guards. "Let her go." Adrian caught my elbow. His grip wasn't painful, but it was firm enough to stop me. "Please don't make this worse." I looked down at his hand until he let go. "You don't get to decide what I can handle." His jaw tightened. "June gave someone your test results." "What test results?" "I have a report." "Then show it to me." "No." The single word landed harder than his accusation. I stared at him, waiting for the familiar explanation, the private joke, the hand at my back that would tell me we were still on the same side. He gave me nothing. June's eyes were bright, but her voice stayed level. "Nora, I didn't give anyone anything. I never would." "I know." Adrian's mouth flattened. "You don't know that." "I know her." "You know what she wants you to know." A silence opened in the foyer. The security guards looked at the carpet. Somewhere upstairs, a clock chimed the quarter hour. I thought about our first apartment, the one with the rattling windows and the radiator that clanked all winter. Adrian had worked late, and June had shown up with soup because I was sick. I thought about her making fun of my wedding shoes while I stood in them, shaking with nerves. I thought about every hard conversation we'd survived together. Then I looked at Adrian. "You're making her leave because of a report you won't show me." "I'm protecting you." "From my friend?" "From someone who may have put you and the baby at risk." The baby. He said it like the word could close the argument. I pulled my elbow free. "If you believe that, call the police. Call your attorney. Do whatever you think is appropriate. But you don't get to remove someone from my life without giving me a reason I can examine." "I'm not asking your permission." That was when something inside me stopped reaching for him. I turned to June. "Take your coat. I'll come with you." Adrian stepped in front of the door. "Nora, you're not going anywhere." "Move." "You're fourteen weeks pregnant." "And I'm still allowed to walk through my own front door." For a moment, neither of us moved. I could hear my own breath. Adrian's eyes flicked over my face, then down to my stomach. His fear returned, and with it the certainty that fear gave him permission to choose for both of us. I picked up the coat one of the guards had taken from June and handed it to her. "I'll call you," I said. She squeezed my fingers. "You know where to find me." Adrian didn't stop her when she passed him. He watched as she crossed the threshold and climbed into the car. I watched the sedan pull away until it reached the road beyond the iron gates. Then I turned back to my husband. "Show me the report." "I can't." "Won't." He said nothing. I walked upstairs alone. At the landing, I heard him tell the guards to leave. I heard the front door close. I kept going until I reached our bedroom, where my prenatal vitamins sat beside the mug he'd brought me that morning. I sat on the edge of the bed and called June. Her number rang once, then went to voicemail. When Adrian came upstairs, I had my phone in my hand and our bedroom door locked between us.