His Blind Mate

Chapter 21 To Be Happy (Part I)

Luan

I awoke to the smell of homemade soup and the refreshing scent of my mate. He’d long left me to wake on my own. There was no arm draped around my waist, no tickle of warm breath on my neck, and no morning wood pressing on my lower back – like how my last morning was with him before I did something stupid. I’d shied away from the s****l suggestion, but relished in his warmth nonetheless. Now the spot where he lay was cold, and if it wasn’t for his scent that calmed me down, it’d feel perfectly similar to waking up alone in my bed back at the Circle. I missed this odd sense of peace when I was with him, this feeling that nothing else mattered but us. Stupid bond.

“You did this to us,” Sparkles whined. “Mate is giving us space.”

“Which is a good thing,” I replied, a part of me wishing he pushed it just a little bit more. I mean, we’d already slept together again, it wouldn’t hurt if he stayed.

My wolf shook her head disapprovingly. “Make up your mind, human. First you want mate to keep his distance and now you want him close to you. Mate is scared of losing us. You keep threatening to reject him! I want my mate! What do you want?”

“I’m not in the mood to argue, Lei,” I sighed. “And for the record, I was joking about the rejection thing.” Though I admit, that was low of me. It hurt him.

Leila whimpered. “Let mate love us.”

“You don’t find it the least bit suspicious that our mate is borderline obsessed with us?”

Leila looked at me like I’d grown two heads, then poked out her tongue. “Don’t you trust me, Lue?”

Great. My wolf’s emotionally blackmailing me. “Lei … you wag your tail the moment you smell him.”

My crazy wolf had the nerve to howl and wag her tail, demonstrating exactly how stupid she looked every time Kyhan was near us. I shook my head and smiled. If only it was easy to adhere to what she wanted – to give up everything I built and bury all the hurt in the past, then run into his arms and stay between them forever. Because being with him last night like that had me thinking that I could have it if I just did these. Unfortunately, it was too much to ask for. Morning had come and it was back to reality. And the reality was that there were too many in the way of us being together, it seemed impossible.[s1]

I finished breakfast quickly – didn’t realize I was this hungry because of everything that happened yesterday. I suppose we should’ve talked about it, but somehow it was the last thing on my mind. Just recalling the feel of that vampire’s skin on mine could make me shiver in disgust. Kyhan would need all the help he could get to present evidence to the other Alphas. The treaty had been breached – was a war inevitable?

Leila whimpered at the thought of our mate positioning himself on the frontlines to lead his pack, his life on the line.

I sighed as I finished fixing the sheets. Kyhan’s scent was everywhere, and now it’d smell like me, too. My heart fluttered at that. Sadly, I had to leave to see my sisters and put whatever happened last night to the back of my mind. We came for a reason and sleeping in the Alpha’s bed wasn’t one of them.

It was getting dangerous being around him. It made me confident in doing certain things.

“Yeah, it does,” Leila teased, popping up in my head again.

“It’s the bond,” I retorted.

“Sure, it is,” she replied. “You definitely don’t like how hard he gets when you tease him, and the way he groans when you –”

“Ah, shut up. Shut up!”

Leila laughed in my mind. My cheeks felt hot from remembering how that went. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel special – the fact that, like me, he waited for his mate. He was the first to have shown me kindness and care despite knowing what I was to the pack – the weak link, the outcast. Goddess, something’s wrong with me.

“Kyhan can fix it.”

“Oh, shut it, Lei. For the last time, we are not going to do it.”

“Hm. If we weren’t his mate, he wouldn’t have treated us differently, Lue.”

“How would you know that?”

“He’s not that kind of person,” she said, and damn it, I couldn’t put him under a different light either.

Luckily for me, there was almost nobody around on the packhouse. I met a few Omegas and Gammas, who all kept their distance from me. Even the pathway that led to our quarters was lacking of pack members loitering around or just passing by. Kyhan better not be ordering his pack to avoid me at all costs – I didn’t want to cause discord within his pack.

I took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Reire opened it. Goddess, she was the last person I wanted to talk to after yesterday.

“Uh … hi,” I said, and I was immediately greeted with a scoff.

“Pack your stuff. We’re leaving.”

“Leaving?” I repeated, following her inside. “Now?”

“Your boyfriend didn’t tell you?” she asked, an undertone of annoyance in her voice.

“Okay, what is up with you this morning, Reire?” I demanded, crossing my arms and arching a brow. “If you didn’t want me in his room, you could’ve stopped it. I was tired and you know it.”

I felt someone tug at the sleeve of my hoodie – the same one Kyhan put on me. I … didn’t even think to remove it.

“Pack up,” Reire deadpanned then walked away. Her steps were heavy as she made her way up the stairs, the banging of a door close conveying more than enough.

“She kept waiting for you until early morning,” Yula said gently. “We couldn’t get her to stop worrying.”

“I was with my mate, Yula.” I sighed.

“Duh. Like you were with your mate, Luan,” Penny snapped. “What if he lost control and did something? You know how much she cares about you.”

“She broke the window this morning. Threw her mug out,” Yula added. “We’re going to have to pay for that.”

Right. I blocked her when she was trying to link with me last night because … I was busy. And I didn’t feel like getting shouted at to be honest.

“Well as you can clearly see, I’m fine.”

Yula sniffed my hair, which caused me to step away from her. “You smell like Alpha Kyhan.”

“We slept on the same bed,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks heat up from their scrutiny.

Yula reprimanded me in that ever-gentle voice that could move anyone with a heart. “You didn’t have to ignore her like that. Alpha Kyhan scared everyone off yesterday. Even his Beta couldn’t calm him down. He growled at me when I touched you and he asked for me to check on you because you weren’t waking up. You can’t fault Reire that you were stuck with him – Alphas tend to be … very, very … caring.”

“She meant ‘possessive’,” Penny chimed in. “It would’ve been romantic if it wasn’t for the growling. Remind me to never get on your bad side. I don’t want that Alpha’s anger on me. His eyes kept changing too. His wolf is hot-tempered, I tell you. Like … it scared the hell out of me.” She chuckled towards the end.

“She’s just frustrated she couldn’t peel you away from him yesterday. And now she finds you, well … covered in Alpha Kyhan’s scent and you know they don’t get along well.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to her.”

“Good luck,” Penny chirped.

“So have you guys been here all night?” I asked.

“Yea?” came her answer, sounding a little uncertain.

I leaned in on Yula’s side, then whispered in her ear so Penny wouldn’t hear. “You smell different, too.”

It was faint but it was there – the scent of freshly fallen rain. There was no way the scent was sticking to her if they didn’t have skin to skin contact. It should be gone by now if they weren’t mates.

She gasped at my statement. Now that was a story – apparently, Yula and Raphael were a thing. Why aren’t they together?

I hurriedly went up the stairs afterward, leaving them behind.

“Reire,” I called as I opened her door. She was busy stuffing things on her bag.

“I told you to pack.”

I leaned on the door frame and crossed my arms. “Why are we leaving?”

“Because we might die and if we do, it’ll bring Alpha Liam and his army on this pack’s borders.”

“That’s a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?” I shrugged.

Reire sighed and turned to face me. I went to her and held her hands, her palms calloused from training and manual labor. She led me to her bed and we both sat.

“What are you trying to do, Luan?” she asked, sounding more understanding than usual.

“Trying to finish what we came here for.”

“You know what I mean.”

It was my turn to sigh. “The mate bond is stronger now, Reire. I can’t help it if my wolf’s going crazy over him.”

She squeezed my hands as if to comfort me. I didn’t want to think about this today, at least until I had to tell him. “You can’t keep playing house with your mate, Luan. You’ll have to choose a side, eventually.”

“We’re not playing house.” I frowned. “It just so happened that with how everything went down yesterday, I ended up spending the night with him. But nothing happened, Reire.” Sort of …

“The Circle will choose a new leader soon. You do understand that you’re one of the candidates, don’t you?”

“I’ll probably lose!” I said cheerfully. “Who’d want a blind girl as leader? You’ll get it, Reire. Our sisters love you!”

She wasn’t having any of it. Her voice was stern. “Let’s assume that you lose the vote and I win or someone else wins. What are you going to do then – leave us and be his Luna? ‘Cause the way I see it, whether you win or lose, he will assert his right as an Alpha. Alpha Liam is generous but he’s also fair – he won’t keep Alpha Kyhan’s mate from him. But if you do win, you have to understand that you’ll be one of Alpha Liam’s high ranks. That’s an honor many would kill for, Luan. Could you bring yourself to abandon that, including your sisters?”

“I –” The words died on my tongue before I could say them. To be his Luna meant accepting the pack, ruling with him with my brothers under our command – I wasn’t ready for the responsibilities of the position. I wasn’t even ready to face my brothers. But I also didn’t want to be away from him because of another set of responsibilities, not that I found my sisters bothersome. And if I do replace Helia, like Reire said, I couldn’t just leave the Circle.

“I won’t abandon any of you, Reire. You’re my family. I just want to have choice in all this and if I win, I’ll lose that choice. You have to help me convince Helia to revoke my candidacy. Let them choose any of the sisters – don’t make me an option.”

Reire held my face then kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry but that’s not how the Circle works. We build the Circle through trust. If you win, it’s because our sisters entrust their future to you. We choose our leader – that’s how Helia decided the Circle should be led. Not by blood but by the bonds that we forge.”[s2]

I tried my hardest to smile. Just days ago, I was ecstatic to hear the rumors that my sisters were rooting for me. Me – a blind girl who joined them for only two years, who still needed help with organizing her clothes and patching up the rips from training and Reire’s blades. “You’ll win, Reire,” I said. “You have to.”

“I’ll support your decision no matter what, Luan. But please think about what you really want. I’m always here for you, whether you’re a Red Claw or a Moonstone. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Uh … I have to tell you something,” I told her, my gut twisting in on itself. “He … didn’t abuse me or anything. It was more like me thinking he would because I was … afraid.”

There was a long pause between us as I waited for her to say anything. I was too tired to try to listen to the tiniest change in her body, my body still recovering from pushing myself too much yesterday.

“I know,” she said, and my brows furrowed. “Everyone in the Circle knows he wasn’t a part of it, except for the newcomers. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That’s for him to tell,” she said cheekily.

All this time, I thought she was defending me. “So if you knew, why are you so hostile against him?” I pressed.

“That’s how we’ve always been,” she answered. “We’re like oil and water – we can’t pretend the other doesn’t exist but we keep trying.”

“Wow. You sound more like his mate than me.”

Reire zipped up her bag as she laughed. “Jealous much?”

I pouted. “So how long have you known each other?”

“For some time now. Don’t ask me anymore – it’s not my story to tell.”

“Fine. Tell me the real reason why we’re leaving.”

She sighed. “Lue, we’re dealing with vampires here. No pack would want sensitive information to leak out to other packs. Vampires haven’t attacked us before and neither did we attack them because of the treaty. Whatever happens next is for the high ranks to deal with. We’re gammas, Lue. We don’t give out orders, we follow them.”

“I’m sort of a high rank myself,” I said sheepishly.

“Which side of the fence are you on, Lue?” she asked. “You’re born with the blood of a high rank, but that doesn’t really apply right now, does it? And you don’t get to play the Luna card just because you smell like Kyhan.”

Kyhan. There was definitely a story between them. Not a romantic one, for sure, but an interesting one nonetheless. Not just anybody can call high ranks by their names.

“Does this mean war then?”

“It’s too soon to tell,” she said as she helped me on my feet. “Go and pack. We have two hours before our time here is up. I know you’d want to say goodbye.”

I nodded, resigning to her words. So much for hiding it from them – everybody knew by now. “Thanks, Rei.”

Downstairs, Yula and Penny were waiting for me.

“You’re here in one piece. That must’ve gone well,” said Penny.

“She’s calmed down, Penny. You can go pack now.”

She tapped me on my shoulder as she passed me by to go upstairs and start packing. “You’re a miracle worker, Lue.”

Now with just me and an abnormally quiet Yula, I waited for her to talk first.

“Can we talk in your room?” she finally asked.

I nodded and motioned for her to follow me. Once the door closed, she grabbed my hands and pleaded in a whisper. “You cannot tell anyone about this.”

“I’m not so sure,” I teased. I had no idea if we thinking the same thing. But it wouldn’t hurt to play along to extract more information. “Who wouldn’t want to know, right. Our sisters would be delighted, don’t you think?”

“Look, Raphael and I are keeping this thing under wraps. You can’t tell anyone until I’m positive that I want to leave the Circle for him.”

“Leave the –”

Yula clamped my mouth with a hand to prevent me from shouting more.

“Shhh! I’m still thinking about it. It’s nothing major, so please don’t tell anyone that we’re seeing each other.”

“Have long have you been keeping this a secret?” I asked.

“A few years now.”

“A few -!”

“Shhh!” she warned again as my voice started to rise.

“Are you mates?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Lue, I didn’t leave the Circle right away because of my past. He’s my mate but it was hard for me to trust him. So, we decided to keep it a secret until I was ready to move in with him. But then I find out that this pack did horrible things to you and … I – I don’t know if I should.”

What should I say? I have no idea what to do myself. I can’t give her false hope when I’m too scared to face my own traumas. This pack might’ve changed. There seemed to be more members now, and I hadn’t caught wind of a scene where a pack member was being abused. Kyhan wouldn’t allow that in his pack.

“Yula … on my last day here, Raphael defended me. My brother wanted to talk to me but I couldn’t face him. When he insisted, uhm … let’s just say it got a little violent.”

I squeezed her hands which were tightening their grip on mine. They loosened for a little, allowing me to continue. “I can’t promise you anything about this pack, but I have faith that Raphael will be good to you. He – He was my first true friend here.” I smiled. “He still is.”

Yula’s arms suddenly engulfed me. “Thank you, Lue,” she whispered, holding back her tears. “I think I’m ready to be with him now. I’ve been scared for a long time, but I think I can be happy now. I can be happy with him. I can be normal. When I’m with him, I’m not scared anymore,” she added, talking a little faster than usual. “I think I love him, Lue. No. I do love him. Oh, Goddess, I’m in love with my mate, Lue.”

“You are mates so it’s only natural,” I said, smiling. Every sister had come from a horrible past. None of us talked about it – we all tried to get past it by putting it behind our lives and opening a new chapter with our sisters. I wish I could say these things too someday. I wish I could say that I’m finally happy and normal and in love with my mate. I hugged her tighter. “I’m so, so happy for you, Yula. I’m going to miss you when you’re gone.”

She pulled back and sniffled. “I won’t be gone until this thing has settled down, so you get to enjoy my wonderful company for a while.”

“Where are you going?” I asked when she stood.

“I think you know where,” she sang as she left.

I’d never felt this vibrance from her before; it was like seeing a different version of her. Yula had always been reserved, quiet. She’d never been this bubbly and excited. I’m really happy for the two of them. Raphael would treat her right; I just know it.

“Our mate makes us happy,” Leila whined.

“I can’t make him carry my problems, Leila,” I said as I went to the bathroom and do my business that I refused to do back in Kyhan’s room. Then I began to pack everything in a hurry. I didn’t bring much with me - just a few clothes, toiletries, and my weapons.

“But he is our mate. Mates are supposed to share each other’s burdens.”

I threw my toothbrush with more force than necessary. “That sounds a little selfish, don’t you think?”

Leila let out a sad howl. “He’s our mate.”

Why don’t you get it?

“Leila, look at me. I am broken, okay? I can’t reciprocate his love when I’m too afraid of the what ifs. What if he changes colors? What if things return to the way they used to? What if I’ll never be good enough? There had never been a blind Luna! What if he realizes that I’m a burden? And – and you heard what he did – he went against his pack for me. I can’t do that to him!” I clenched my hands into fists as tears found their way down my cheeks. “This pack is everything to him, Leila. We can’t be selfish and cost him his pack’s loyalty. I- I can’t – I can’t love him. I don’t deserve someone like him.”

I clamped a hand over my mouth to stop anyone from hearing. I didn’t deserve him – he was too good for someone like me.

My wolf rested her head on her front paws and whined. “You deserve to be loved, Luan. Broken or not, you don’t deserve to punish yourself any longer for things that were out of your control. It wasn’t your fault that they died, and nobody deserves to be abused.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I replied. I wiped my tears with my sleeves and sat on my bed. “I get so tired thinking about all this. I’ll just return to the Circle. Then I won’t have to think about this anymore.”

“It’s time, Lue. Heal yourself.”

“I don’t know how.”

Leila was quiet for a few seconds than comfortable. “We can start with forgiveness.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready.” Every time I thought about what they put me through, my blood boiled. The insults and humiliation, the contempt and the pain – it all happened overnight like it was a bad dream. Only it wasn’t. And I learned to accept that the daily abuse was my reality.

“You will never be ready if you don’t try, Luan,” she said. “When you had the accident, your brothers wanted to talk to you, didn’t they? How about you hear them out? I’ve been blocking their wolves from talking to me since we got here. They really want to talk to you.”

“You can talk to their wolves? How?”

She flicked out her tongue then yawned, showing her sharp teeth. “We’re still bound by blood, even though we’re from different packs now. It’s not like we can talk, just that we can reach out to each other and let our emotions seep into the bond. It doesn’t work across long distances. Since we got here, they kept reaching out to me.”[s3]

“What -” I bit my lip, hesitating. “What do they make you feel?”

“I can feel their pain, their regrets, their fear … and their relief when they first saw you,” she answered. “I also felt anger … but not towards you. There’s a lot going on that it’s confusing to me, too.”

“Why can’t I feel it?” I asked. “You and I are one.”

“Because I’m not letting you,” she replied with a grin. “I can block you, too, human.”

I fell back on the bed and laughed. “You are one crazy wolf, Sparkles.”

“Thanks. Now get out there and face your brothers. They have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Two hours won’t be enough to cover it,” I said as I brought my bag out of my room.

“No, but it’s a start. I want to see mate before we leave. Can we go to mate? I want him to kiss me again.”

I shook my head at her statement. Is it just mine or is every wolf this crazy over their own mate?

XXX

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A/N:

The total word count for the chapter exceeds the platform's limits so we had to divide it into two. ^^

Hurry on to the next one, loves!