Remember

Avoiding

Ninety days, that's all the time they gave me to say good bye to him.

Mother sympathised with me of course, but this was something that had to be done apparently.

How was I suppose to tell him?

When I arrived at school the next day, my interactions with him were awkward to say the least.

"So, uhm anything new happening with you?"

"You mean if I had gotten my hands on any more drugs?" I replied smirking at him.

"Uhm no- I was just, sorry," he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt before turning away from me.

I shook my head trying to hide my amusement. "No, nothing new," I mumbled.

_________________________________________

The first week was normal, save for Sean's obvious drug monitoring. He would carry my bag to class pretending to be a gentleman. I knew he would sneak a peak when he thought I wasn't looking.

He was pissing me off.

I had no idea how hard the second week would hit me. Especially when mom started packing. Dad was absent since I found out, and I would just watch as mom gingerly pack silverware into small boxes.

The Monday she packed plates, cups, and other kitchen appliances.

The Tuesday, she dedicated that day to her linens.

The Wednesday she took a break. Did she finally realise we still had two months, or was she in as much denial as I was.

Friday came in a blink of an eye, and it took every ounce of strength I had to put on my best bravado. Time was slipping away from me and- I didn't know what to do.

"Something's wrong," he stated. I had just sat down next to him to have my lunch, and that was what he greeted me with.

I tilted my head to the side and raised an eyebrow. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing."

He eyed me suspiciously, "stop lying,"

"I'm not,"

"Emma-"

"You know what, why don't you stop lying?" I blurted out.

He flinched at my sudden out burst before scoffing.

"What are you talking about?"

I inhaled deeply before glaring at him.

"That girl you were talking to that night, I saw,"

He furrowed his eyebrows a bit before realization took over his features.

"Emma I -"

"You're what?... you said that was our spot, that it was a secret, then you bring another girl there. Now you're pretending that you give a s**t about me?"

___________________________________________

The next month came and I still hadn't spoken back to him. Avoiding him in the halls, ignoring him in class, refusing to respond to his calls and text messages.

Its for the best....

I slowly strolled outside the school and begrudgingly welcomed another evening, another evening closer to that day.

"Emma!", I froze in my tracks when I heard Sean call out. I spun around to see him running up to me and I almost turned around to run for it. I thought better of it though and decided that it would be better to face him now than later...or possibly never.

" Emma, we need to talk," he said glaring at me. I opened my mouth to object, but he already had me by the arm dragging me half way down the street. I got my hand back to myself eventually, but I still followed him in silence.

"Where are we going?" I mumbled.

"Where do you think?" He replied tiredly. I looked around and realised I had followed him to the clearing.

"Sean why-"

"Emma I'm sorry," he breathed, "look that girl you saw me with, I just met her that night. We only talked and"

"I don't care about that," I interrupted sharply.

Yes it was true I was a little annoyed that they were together but-

"Sean...I'm moving,"

He fell silent momentarily. His face contorted into utter confusion. “What?” he stuttered. His eyebrows knitted in frustration. “Emma what are you even taking about?”

My eyebrows fell in woe as I was smacked by the reality I was about to face.

I stared at him for a while, he was in distress. This proved harder than I had anticipated. I was leaving. I was about to lose the only person I’ve ever felt I truly had. My mind pervaded with things to say as my heart raced a million beats per second.

How could I explain to Sean that this was the last week he’d possibly see me around?

“Emma” he shook my shoulder his voice filled with concern and also yzannoyance. I drifted my attention back to his beautiful eyes then his lips and quickly back to the floor. “Emma what you saw that night..”

“It doesn’t matter” I cut him off. I cleared my throat in an effort to conceal the sorrow etched in my voice. I hadn’t ever expressed my caring for him enough to Sean. Yes stupid on my part I admit, but, he’ll be ok right? He’ll have her. Whoever the hell she was.

My eyes filled with tears. Deep down I knew I was deceiving myself. Sean loved me. Me, not her. I’m such a jealous psychopath he’s known me all his life, would he really ditch me for some girl.

I’ve never felt this threatened in my life, and at the worst time too. What am I even thinking? What difference does it make either way? I’m leaving. That’s final.

“Emma” His voice softened. His fingers crawled down from my shoulders to my palm. He slowly tangled them in mine. I looked up at him once more. He let out one of his signature half smiles exposing a tad of his teeth.

“Sean” I began, knowing full well I’d hate myself for this possibly until I die. “I’m moving. You won’t have to deal with my pitiful ass anymore. It sucks really but now I don’t think I have much reason to stay anymore. You were the one person i thought cared about me, but now I have to wonder will you even miss me when I’m gone? Cause it seems you’ve found someone else. You’ve had all of me, but you wouldn’t do the same for me huh? It sucks so much that it took me so long to figure it out. I hate you Sean” I yelled almost chocking on the lies I was coughing out. “I never want to see you again and I hope you have fun with your new little girlfriend”

A skillful actress I must have been, the pangs of all I had said registered on his face as though he had been told he only had a few hours to live. All the blood had leaked from his face he was pale and in anguish.

What have I done?

The tears in my eyes finally fell and at that I ripped my fingers from the web they were in with his and sprinted through the bushes. Viciously wiping the tears from my face as I ran to God knows where.

My heart burned within my chest. Why did I do that? I loved him, so much. My head was pounding once I arrived on my porch. I hunched over crying profusely and trying to catch my breath all at once. The image of Sean’s grim expression would not evade my thoughts. I slowly climbed the stairs and into my dreary blank room. I dropped myself on the bare mattress of my bed and stared over at the moving boxes at the corner of my room.

I bawled my eyes out.

He needed to not miss me. He needed to resent me. That way he’ll be forced to forget about me sooner. That was my stupid excuse for the crap I just pulled. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

___________________________________________

4 months later

Summerdale, A small town in Alabama. It has a population count of 862, that simply meant if you farted the entire town will find out eventually.

I hated it here.

Like the name suggests, it was hot. It was as if I moved from Alaska to Jamaica. The town was littered with children and happy go lucky people. They all disgusted me. Being here made me feel like I stood out like a sour thumb. My fiery red hair didn't help with this problem either.

Constantly people would try to make small talk with me, and I of course would shut them down immediately. I wasn't looking for new friends.

The play started all over again, the stage was set, and the actors already in costume, we were the perfect little family once more.

I however refused to play along this time.

“Hey Emma” the intrusion interrupted my thoughts. I followed the voice through my bedroom.

Ugh, Not you again.

On my patio waved my annoying neighbour Claire. I furrowed my eyebrows shook my head and slammed my widows shut. The attention here was overwhelming especially after being invisible for all these years. I sighed as I sank into my bed. Claire was a sweet girl honestly but, I just lost interest in people.

I mean Sean was all I ever needed. With that thought I mentally smacked myself.

Damn so much for three months of improvement. I thought I had finally forgotten about him. Really Emma? Like you would really forget him in three months you can actually forget the only friend you had.

I mean who was I fooling? It didn’t even have to be this way, but how could it have been any other way really? ‘Oh, I don’t know maybe not tell him you hate him’ my conscience retorted. “Mmmmm” I groaned raking my fingers through my hair and curling up in a foetal position as my conscience played around with my sanity.

~~~~~ Flashback ~~~~~

My phone was blowing up with messages as my eyes rained with tears. I knew it was him and I simply couldn’t bring myself to read them. I had been lying here for hours trying to regain my composure in futility. I rocked myself back and forth on the bed trying to sooth myself. Soon enough my now puffy eyes ran out of tears. I brought myself to get up and slowly made my way downstairs to get a cup of water. I was in a daze. I felt as though my very existence was fading. I was pointless. I couldn’t leave, not like this. I mean he’s everything to me. The angel and the devil on my shoulder went on and on contemplating the solution to my conundrum. That’s enough. I have to apologize.

“Emma, Emma” I snapped out of my reverie once I heard my mom calling my name and barging through the kitchen door. I barely shifted my head so our eyes could meet.

“Everything packed?” she asked as she hustled and bustled around the kitchen like a headless chicken. What was her story?

“Mhm” I mumbled before slowly dragging myself from the kitchen stool to head to my room when she stopped me in my tracks.

“You ok honey?” She asked cupping my cheeks in her hands and giving me that worried mother hen look. Hmm age was really becoming of her. Stress was stamped on her face, yet somehow there was this hint of peace in her expression,Or hope? I didn’t care.

“Mom spare me the pity case” I groaned as I pulled my face from her hold.

“It’s Sean isn’t it, don’t worry I’ll take backseat with you and we’ll talk about it on the way okay” she smiled.

What?

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Oh honey I know we had said weekend but the house is sold, Buyers want to move in by morning. We have to leave right now your dad is outside waiting. Chop chop” she smiled. Which simply annoyed me I can’t leave not without fixing what I’d done. I begged I pleaded, but mom was persistent and dad, well I had no choice. We packed up and before I knew it we were driving away from the hell I use to call home. As we sped down the street I decided to at least text him. I rummaged through my knapsack. My phone, got left behind and I dared not ask my dad to turn back.

~~~~~ End flashback ~~~~~

"Emma?"

My mom called snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What!” I practically screamed. She gingerly made her way to my bed. As she sat she wearily stared at me.

“Emma it’s been months. You need to let this go” she pleaded.

“shut up” I groaned. As soon as she began her reprimand I grabbed my sneakers and hurriedly left the room. When I was downstairs by the door I slipped them on and started to run. I could hear my mother’s agitated voice yelling after me, but honestly I felt as though if I had stayed I would end up having her in a choke hold. Recently I’ve had this pent up anger that I'm incapable of controlling and somehow running has become a stress relief.

I loved it. Ironic, since on average I am a lazy ass. However now when I run it just feels like time moves faster. And all my suppressed memories are no longer a stagnant pain driving me insane.

As I made it down the second block I smiled to myself when I felt my heart begin to race within my chest. I dropped myself unto the light fluff of grass on the sidewalk. There were no passers-by, no dogs, no annoying ‘hi’s and bye’s, just me. That was my favourite thing about this block, I wish this was my street.

“Emma” My heart immediately stopped racing as a far too familiar voice called out to me. I hadn’t eve notice the car drive up near me.

“Dad I….”

“Get in”