No Way Out (COMPLETED)

13

The moonlight slipped through the curtains, casting soft patterns across Judas's face. We finished making love, and now we're lazing on the sofa. Pikit man ang mga mata niya, alam kong gising siya dahil sa mahigpit na yakap niya sa katawan ko.

I hugged him back and traced the shape of his spine with my fingertip, feeling the heat of his skin. It felt like any other lazy day with a lover — slow breathing, tangled sheets, the faint scent of sweat and s*x still clinging to the air.

Ngumiti ako, ninanamnam ang bawat segundo, nang biglang mag-ring ang phone na nasa table ni Judas.

"s**t," mahina niyang bulong bago idilat ang mga mata at sumulyap sa lamesa niya.

"I'll be back in a second, babe." Mariing halik ang iniwan niya sa noo ko bago siya lumabas ng kwarto dala ang phone na patuloy na nagri-ring.

As soon as the door closed behind him, the room turned cold. Parang nalaglag ang init na galing sa katawan niya, iniwan akong giniginaw sa sofa. My eyes drifted back to the table where the ringing phone had been — and that's when my stomach dropped.

That was mine.

Normally, tinatago niya ang cellphone ko. I always knew it's somewhere in the house, and I know he uses it — napag-usapan namin 'yon. But seeing it out in the open, active, in his hands... parang sinampal ako ng katotohanan.

Isang beses ko pa lang nakita at nahawakan ang phone ko simula nang kunin ako ni Judas, at iyon ay noong nagpunta kami ng Batangas. Since the time I tried to escape, he has been very careful not to give me access to that phone anymore. Or any phone for that matter.

Ang utak kong kanina na si Judas lang ang laman, biglang napuno ng ibang bagay — my family, friends, coworkers. The relationships I built. The times I took advantage of the people who love and care about me, the messages I ignored even before Judas took me. The life I made with my own two hands.

And now, that life felt like it belonged to someone else entirely.

Kinuyom ko ang mga kamay ko, fingernails biting into my palms, when Judas walked back in, the phone already gone. Ngumiti siya sa akin, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. May tension sa gilid ng labi niya — a crack in his perfect mask. Alam kong may kaba siyang nararamdaman dahil sa kapabayaan niyang itago ang cellphone ko.

When he reached the sofa, he wrapped me in his arms again. Automatically, my arms moved and hugged him back. Madiin akong pumikit at ibinaon ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya, inhaling his sweet scent.

This man who held me, fed me, f****d me, worshiped me — and took everything else away from me. I love him. I want him.

But at what cost?

We never talked about the phone. Judas acted normal, like he didn't see the flicker of recognition in my eyes. Like I wasn't reminded of everything I lost. I wanted to bring it up — gusto kong tanungin kung sino 'yong tumawag, bakit hindi nakatago ang cellphone ko noong gabing iyon — but the words died in my throat. Dahil sa puso ko, alam ko, I wouldn't like his answer.

For the first time in weeks, lying next to him felt uncomfortable. And I knew he felt it too because the next morning, over breakfast, he asked.

"Are you okay, baby?" Mahina niyang tanong habang nilalaro ang pagkain gamit ang tinidor niya.

Tumango ako at pilit ngumiti sa kanya. My hand trembled as I held my own fork, the metal cool against my sweaty palm.

Matagal niya akong tinitigan bago siya tumango rin at nagsimulang kumain.

"You know I'm not convinced," sabi niya na nagpalakas ng t***k ng puso ko. Pero bago pa ako makapangatuwiran, nagsalita siya ulit.

"But you'll tell me when you're ready, yes?"

His voice was still soft, still sweet — but there was weight in it. A quiet authority I would've mistaken for tenderness before.

Before I remembered who we really were.

"Andy." Madiin niyang tawag sa pangalan ko.

"Y-Yeah?" My fork clattered onto my plate, louder than it should have been.

"I asked you a question, babe." His voice was gentle, but the gentleness had an edge. He was demanding an answer.

Yumuko ako at pumikit, a futile attempt to hide my thoughts from his piercing gaze. My chest tightened, as if my heart was slamming against my ribs.

"I..." Huminga ako ng malalim, trying to gather courage from somewhere deep inside me.

I can't delay this any longer.

"I l-love you..." bulong ko, pero alam kong nadinig niya.

"Hmm..." I heard the satisfaction in his voice, like my love was a medal he could wear.

"I want a future together with you..."

Without looking at him, I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. Clung to it like a lifeline.

"W-What is our future going to look like, Jude?"

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles, so tender it made my throat ache.

"It's going to be me and you, here, away from everyone else. Nobody can lay their eyes on you, baby. Kasi akin ka. And I am yours, too. Kahit anong gawin mo, basta hindi ka aalis, papayagan ko." His voice was full of happiness and hope.

He cupped my face, thumb tracing my cheekbone until I had no choice but to meet his eyes. His gaze sparkled with dangerous devotion, bright with the fantasy he built for us.

"Just like any other normal relationship, I'll give you everything. What I have is yours."

Gusto kong matunaw na lang. Gusto kong pabayaan na lang ang mundo at lahat ng taong naiwan ko at dumito na lang habang buhay kasama si Judas.

But if I want a real future with him, I can't.

The words tumbled out before I could stop them, my voice was trembling but clear. "B-But we are not normal, Jude..."

His smile flickered. Gone in an instant.

Nang makita ko 'yon, wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi humingi ng tawad, i-comfort siya, at sabihing mali ako ng sinabi. But I have to stand my ground.

"W-What?" His grip on my face tightened, just a little. Just enough to make my pulse jump.

"We are not normal." Inulit ko, this time louder.

"Andy..." There was a warning in his voice now, the softness gone.

"You abducted me. I was forced to be here!" Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa mukha ko.

"But I love you!" Judas's voice cracked — desperate and raw.

"I know!" My tears spilled over before I could stop them. "But I am a prisoner, Jude."

"No, you're not!" He answered frantically. "I allow you to do whatever the f**k you want — as long as you don't leave me! If you want to go somewhere, I'll take you! You're not a prisoner, you're just... in a relationship!"

Umiling ako habang pinipigilan ang mga hikbi. "I am a prisoner. You are my captor. That's our relationship."

Sobrang bigat ng hangin sa paligid namin, halos hindi ako makahinga. Nakatitig sa akin si Judas, parang hindi makapaniwala sa mga nadidinig niya. Then, he stood up so fast his chair scraped against the floor.

"I'll give you time to think about what you just said." Malalim ang kanyang boses, walang emosyon.

Bago pa siya tuluyang makaalis, hinila ko ang dulo ng damit niya.

"Please... A prisoner dressed in silk sheets and sweet kisses is still a prisoner. Think about it, Jude..." pakiusap ko.

Hindi niya man lang ako nilingon. His jaw clenched before he pried my hand off and walked away.

I stayed at the table, hands pressed to my chest, pinapakiramdaman ko ang puso kong halos lumabas na mula sa dibdib ko.

It hurt — but it also meant I was still alive. Still fighting.

And for the first time since Judas took me, I finally said the words out loud. Even if it shattered him, even if it shattered me — it had to be said.

He loves me. I know he does. And because of that, he'll listen. I just have to be patient.