To Hell and Back

Upon birth, I was given to my grandmother, because my mother was 16 I spent a week in the hospital due to low birth weight. Once gaining enough weight, my grandmother and her sister took on the responsibility of taking care of an infant. Due to this, I can not quite understand why my mother blames me for not graduating. Don’t get me wrong, she did try to take care of me. But somehow, I would end up in my grandmother’s room. I was told stories about how small I was. Instead of a bed, I was out in a drawer. I was told I had enough room to do 3 back flips and a split. During this time of my life, I was fine. Spoiled even. My grandmother made sure to dress me up for school. Everyday I wore a pretty dress with the cute ruffle socks. My 6th grade teacher commented on my apparel. My aunt made sure I had every toy imaginable. She bought me dolls, bubbles, a Barbie car, the toy lawnmower that blew bubbles, power ranger action figures, coloring books. You name it, I more than likely got it. With my mom not being responsible for me, she gave birth to another child. My late sister died at just a few months old. I do not know the details, but I can not imagine finding my child dead. My mother has suffered through a lot of emotional trauma. Trauma I will not discuss, because it is not my story to tell. I believe finding my sister tipped my mother over the edge. As I grew older, my mother had more children and I gained more responsibilities. That meant I had to keep my sisters quiet while my mother slept. I’d they woke her up, I would get in trouble about it. One of my sisters quickly picked up on that. One time, my aunt came over for a visit. My mom gave me a crazy look. I think I knew she didn’t want me to ask my aunt could I spend the weekend with her but I did anyway. Of course my aunt said yes and this made my mom furious. She beat the s**t out of me for doing that. She wanted me at home to watch my sisters. One of my sisters would purposely make noise to get me in trouble. She was so loud once, my mom heard her from the other side of the house. Me telling my sister shhhhh probably did not make the situation better. My mom came out of nowhere, took a heeled shoe in each hand and repeatedly struck me across the head with them. She left, came back, and did it again, because I held my head rocking back and forth and crying. Did my sisters get the same treatment? Did they even get in trouble? No. One time, I told my grandmother something my sister had done and my mother was pissed. She didn’t spank me though, she took her time perming my hair. I repeatedly told her “Mama it burns” only for her to rebuttal “ I don’t care”. When she was finally done, I was crying at this point, I ran to the kitchen to get the dishes out of the sink. She laughed the whole time watching me. She stopped laughing once she realized the damage she done. My head was full of sores. She couldn’t style it. All she could do was put it in a pony tail. The abuse didn’t stop there. Once my sister didn’t pass her grade. However my younger sister and I did. We thought we were in the clear until we got home and felt the tension in the air. My mom raised the living room window and called us to the bathroom one by one. When it was my turn, I begged and pleaded with her citing that I passed. But she wasn’t having it. She told me to drop my pants and bend over the toilet. She beat me with a belt until I was black and purple with blisters. I believe I got the worst of it. She told me not to tell my grandmother, but she found out anyway. I begged her not to say anything. I believe this sister was and is her favorite child and she did not want her to suffer alone. Therefore she punished all three of us.