Untamed

Invitation

We finally returned to our dormitory the following day and while everyone had classes scheduled except for me. I decided to go to the dance studio during my free time.

There is no more point in inventing excuses.

The dance studio was empty when I arrived. Fernando entered the room before I could back out and leave. “You are early. I had a feeling that I would be seeing you again.” He said.

“This is the first studio that I have been to in years that makes me feels the dance and not overthink,” I remarked.

“That’s the goal.” He replied. “Dancers come here because some known studio didn’t see their potential and before they quit their love for their passion. They come here to express their disappointment and hurt.” He explained.

“It gives them hope and that no one can take your passion away from you.” He added.

“Everyone has a story to tell. What is yours?” He asked.

I arched an eyebrow. “Who didn’t see your potential? I for one didn’t miss the skill in your moves and I was thinking if you have received professional training.” I didn’t react.

He smiled and then walked over to me. “The way your body is structured and how it moves. You love to dance but there is something stopping you from crossing the boundary of having fun and being obedient.”

“Dancing exists because it should be fun. It should give you that feeling of letting go and then regain that control by ignoring the critiques.” He opinioned.

“I can see that you don’t share your past easily with strangers and I understand.” He said and gestured to his studio. “This is a place of no judgement. You are free to use it whenever you feel like it. All of us had to be broken to a point where we had to rebuild ourselves. I think that is exactly what you need to do to find out who you are and what you’ve got.” He then walked out.

I looked at the empty room. The only company I had was my reflection in the mirrors.

I made my way further into the room and switched on the music player that was standing in the corner of the room. I took off my pants so that I was only wearing my short dance spandex pants. I also took off my top as I wearing a tight crop top. I haven’t bothered wearing them in years but they were brand new as if I always knew that I would one day return to dancing.

While I had no one to judge me, I took the chance to express myself through a slow contemporary dance. My footwork included some ballet moves as I glided across the dance floor. Until I started to feel the rhythm to evolve my pace.

While modern dance was a specific style of dance. Contemporary is a collaborative style that included modern, jazz, ballet and hip-hop elements. It’s a combination of strict legwork of ballet, with the torse and footwork of modern dance. Changes in rhythm, speed and direction are done without forethought. You lean your faith on a cluster of nerves in the upper middle region of the abdomen and the 120 muscles that support your spine.

It’s a dance to be creative and invent a style that doesn’t exist. The pace can either be fast or slow.

Every piece of my soul slowly found its spot like a puzzle piece.

I took a breath when there was a pause in the song. I tried not to jump in surprise when I looked at Hailey’s reflection. I slowly turned around to look at her face to face. “I knew there was something odd about you.” She said uncrossing her arms and pushed herself upright.

“You danced like someone who has professional training and now you made me put it all together. You used to compete in contemporary.” I nodded.

“Why not follow your passion? You are more than amazing. It’s astonishing to watch you move and float across the floor. You belong in this industry. Maybe just need a bit of originality but other than that you are perfect.”

“Perfection doesn’t exist.” Hailey shrugged because it was true. As a dancer, you strive for perfection. Without it, we stop dancing because there isn’t something to dance for anymore.

“There are dance schools that look for dancers with your sense of style and dance.” I quirked an eyebrow.

“Have you ever heard about Elizabeth Cunningham?” Hailey asked.

I nodded.

Who hasn’t heard of Elizabeth Cunningham? She is a rockstar and a rebel when it comes to dancing.

Elizabeth Cunningham helped to free ballet from its conservative restrictions. She was among the first dancers to support contemporary dance after being a dancer herself. She believes in more natural rhythms and movements in dancing. She is also believed to be the first dancer to collaborate freestyle dancing in contemporary.

Elizabeth opened contemporary dance studios worldwide after her retirement and was recruiting dancers with a certain style to join her company.

“Well, she’s here in Los Angeles scouting for dancers,” Hailey said.

“I quit being a dancer and I have no desire to return.” My passion turned into a hobby. It was the safest way to keep my rage and disappointments guarded.

“Are you really going to spend the rest of your life wondering if you were ever good enough?” She asked.

“I have my reasons and maybe it was once a dream but that dream ended years ago,” I replied and got dressed.

“Because you screwed up by walking out and never coming back?” My shoulders jumped at the unfamiliar voice. I whirled around and found myself gazing at Elizabeth Cunningham.

I walked out because I had enough and took a stand for myself even when it led to bad events but there wasn’t a moment that can compare to that day and it made me feel. No amount of words can explain my hurt or rage. Walking away may have looked like a coward thing I did but not to me.

I looked at Hailey who only shrugged her shoulders at me. “She gave me no choice. After she heard your name. She wanted to meet you in person because she heard a lot about you.”

I gazed back at Elizabeth. “I also sent you an invitation but you never responded or showed up before you left the industry.” I never felt good enough for her agency. Elizabeth was a tough leader and dancer. Her rules were simple but she was a fierce woman when it came to being different. At a time, I didn’t understand her and I thought being fierce was seen as a wrong thing but years later I’ve learned that she was fighting for future fighters with a different sense of style of dancing.

“You know about when I walked out five years ago?” I asked her.

“I was there. Waiting for your performance and you just never performed. When I asked why. They told me that you just left without telling anyone. Next, I heard that you ended up in a hospital due to downing a whole bottle of pills.” I lowered my head. It was three but I wasn’t going to drag my name further through the mud. I already felt ashamed of my actions because when you are familiar news gets spread so much faster.

“I followed your dance career since you join our industry. Heard so many good things from trainers all over and you were supposed to be my next recruit but then you just disappeared off the face of the planet until I heard Hailey talking about you. I just knew it had to be you.” So many trainers were confused with my tactics and up until today, they see me as their best student. A kid who loved to dance.

Every moment I thought of dancing I became sick after my suicidal attempt. A room felt as if it was suffocating me and it wasn’t the whispers of other dancers that pulled me down but that reflection of a coward staring back at me.

“There are dancers out there that is better than me. Why waste your time on me?” She smiled at me.

“Have you ever watched yourself dance? The way you float across the room. The smooth and strong dance moves are combined with the expression of your face. You are the star on the stage and every single dance academy wants you on their team because they know who your mother is and once were. You have exactly what she has.” I closed my eyes at the mention of my mother.

“That’s the only reason why everyone wants me,” I said, reopening my eyes. She must have heard my distaste in my voice because she looked ashamed. “I’m not her. Will never be. That’s why I walked away. Because everyone wanted me because I remind them of my mother.” I picked up my belongings.

“I don’t want to be recruited because of her. I want them to want me because I earned it by myself not because of who my mother is.” I excused myself and started walking away.

“I want you because you are wild and untamable.” My feet halted but didn’t look at her. “I want you to think about it.” I glanced over my shoulder when her voice neared. “There is an audition being held in four weeks I want to invite you to be part of that audition.” She handed me an envelope.

“That’s a special invite. Including the directions to my dance studio where you can work on your dance or have me help you out.” I wanted to reject her offer on the spot. She held up her hand. “I don’t want you because of who your mother used to be. She didn’t break the rules like you. She was too obedient and didn’t think outside the box. Unlike you who smashed that box. That’s the kind of dancers I want. The spot has always been yours and I never stopped looking for you.”

I looked at Hailey. “A ballerina who broke the rules,” I noted.

“Hailey is one of the first dancers in years to mix freestyle with contemporary and ballet,” Elizabeth remarked.

“Your whole dance group will exist of rebels in the end if you continue to recruit rebels,” I said to her.

She pulled up her shoulders. “Maybe that is exactly what I want.” I accepted the envelope.

“I will think about it.” She nodded.

“Good. Now that my work is done here. Can we give you a ride home?” I looked at Hailey.

“You played me.” She smirked.

“I’ve been part of Elizabeth’s recruitment for a while and my objection is to find future dancers for her company.” She answered and let me walk with her over to Elizabeth’s limo that was parked next to the sidewalk.

“I do, dance here from time to time. Not only to look for dancers but be part of something fun and great as Fernando’s studio and my mother doesn’t come here at all because she’s an uptown bitch.” I just shook my head at her.

“Not all moms are great people but we can’t let their bad parenting define our future.”