The other side of him

You are pregnant

I been f*****g alot and I started getting sick. Then he says "are you pregnant?" I look at him. "I can't be pregnant no it's impossible I can't have kids" I hide the fact I tried to block out the miscarriages I had. All that blood loss and clots I thought I was dying or Some organ came out. I know I drank and it was my fault. I am heartless I want kids I know how to take care of kids and I wanted one of my own. So when I found out I couldn't have kids I went wilder unprotected s*x. Turns out I set an appointment and since my periods are irregular I couldn't remember when my last period was. Just then my world came crashing down. I wasn't worried. 

The test they took was positive and I said ok. So docs said I might not carry it I might lose it again. I was holding my stomach a living being in my body. I didn't want to get attached. I would lose this one right? I didn't want to lose this. If I lose this one I will just leave him. I can't live with another death of a baby again. I can't remind myself of it again. I was enrolling in school. I guess I can raise my child on my own. I wasn't sure where my exes head was at will he hurt her? Or him?  I was so emotional. I read to my baby. I won't know how far along I am until dec. I was patient right? I read my baby stories and sang to him? Her?  I just wanted a healthy baby. I prayed for the baby. If I die I would die happy giving birth to my baby.  

My friend said he would raise my child as his own. I don't know why but I believed him. I trust him. I come to trust him. I didn't want to put my life on him. I didn't answer him.