The other side of him

Accepting death

Jessica pov

I was broke and even worst I blacked out I don't know I separated from my body I was there but, I wasn't. Somewhere I lost my wallet everything. E called and ruined my clientele yes my stripping job. I had to start over again. I wanted a real job. I figured I go stripping but, my heart wasn't in it. I wanted to die and I was a coward I couldn't kill myself so I wanted someone to do it for me. Yes I'm smart and I did my statistics right. There was a serial killer and crazy as it sounded I wanted to die a horrible death. I felt guilty of all I did which I knew it wasn't my fault but, I felt guilty over things I shouldn't. I was pretending I was a prostitute because that will get me killed serial killers target prostitutes. I waited and waited and no one came. Just my luck. So I went to gas station and thought of jumping in front of a car. I be dead but, I knew I might survive plus the impact of it hitting me I was a coward. 

A stranger asked me if I wanted a ride. I said sure and got in. He looked like a murderer so he was perfect. I told him to drop me off at the club I was stripper. That was when he said I pay you this and you can give me private show. I said sure. Then he drove to his home and I could only think about him killing me and chopping my body in million pieces. Maybe he cut me and make me feel the pain. I know it sounded crazy but, I wanted this. We both win. I'm dead and he he as another victim right? 

Wrong when we got to his house I wasn't sure what to do I heard other girls do it but, I wasn't going to prostitute myself. Yes yes I know I said I acted like one but, deep down it wasn't me. It was awkward and I bet he saw through me I wasn't a stripper. I wasn't a slut. I was just someone trying to survive. So he said he give me a job. I take care of his home and dog and have a free food, go anywhere I want, and live here. You see this was the only option I had and I took it. I started enrollment in school and did my job. I saw him in pain coming home and I suggested I give him a back massage. He was surprised and didn't decline. I gave him a back massage and he was grateful of it. I started fixing him dinner and we became friends. I didn't want a relationship I told him. He said he was ok with that and we just had s*x. 

Mostly it was like everyday. 

So instead of him killing me he was my angel he saved me. Right?  

The stranger he became my best friend and my fwb. He made me smile and we went shopping and he was so sweet. We didn't go out and I started to go back to church with his aunt. They are so nice and I don't deserve it. Yet how can I say no and be rude to my elders. I couldn't and I got a call from my ex. He wanted me back. I said no and my ex said he kill himself. I didn't budge statistics say that abused or toxic relationship's one common mistake is the guilt he threatened suicide and expects me to go back because of that. No I wasn't that girl or was I?  

You know  my mind said don't go back but, my heart said give him another chance and when I spoke my stubborn ass said no. My logic said he isn't going to change. My mind said stop and look at the facts and I did we were not compatible.