The Never Ending Quest For Sanity

CHAPTER 8

Sergey was soon married and blissfully happy for the first 5 years.  It was also a great feeling to his wife, Ilse, who was equally, if not more so happy.  They were head over heels for one another and it showed in public as well as private, leaving no room for doubt that they would grow old together.  There was a child in the future, but that was the first bump in the road along the path of life that they would face, the miscarriage occurring only a few months into the pregnancy.

At this point, Sergey began to drink heavily, the loss almost more than he could bear.  Ilse, the product of 2 very dangerous, unpredictable alcoholics, had packed her bags and awaited his arrival home from the bar where he had often ran away in an attempt to escape reality.  It was not going to work a second more and Sergey knew that before it was even time for Ilse to leave.  It wasn’t too hard to figure out that she wouldn’t tolerate such a thing in her life or the home they shared.  There was no return from the downward spiral that had developed over the span of a few months and it hurt her to know that he valued the bottle over the marriage.  This was typical behavior from Sergey, which she was unaware of.  The issue had never been brought to light and he thought that all of his problems would be solved by marrying her and escape would not be an option.

However, he could only cover the lie for a little while.  He knew from the beginning that he escaped often in the bottle, his life always spiraling out of control when he did so.  This was not going to last and he knew that for a fact when he went to the bottle nightly, arriving drunk and not knowing how he arrived home.  

The worst episode of drunkenness occurred when he belittled the love of his life, blaming her for things that others had done in the past.  This was already creating a rift that was completely impossible to mend.  At that point, it was only a matter of time before she had enough.  That moment had come to a head when she refused to endure any further abuse at the hands of a drunk.

On the night of July 5th, when he arrived home drunk, she decided to announce she was leaving him.  She knew he wouldn’t like it, but she was sick and tired of the nights that she was enduring abuse.  She sensed that it would be another night of turmoil and as he sat in the chair that he often could not rise from very easily, she simply told him:

“I’m leaving.”

Sergey was completely stricken with grief, the reality of his errors setting in and he soon realized that he had committed the ultimate, unforgivable trespass against the love of his life who had been there for him since his father had passed away and his friends had died during the span that she was in his life.  She was his rock and surely it wouldn’t end like this.  However, everyone has their limits and it’s a very difficult realization that the decisions that are to be made are sometimes the hardest to come to a point of action.  It is, however, essential for peace of mind, which everyone wants in life above all.

As she left, Sergey was pleading his case, throwing himself on the mercy of the court and hopefully changing her mind.  However, this didn’t seem to phase her as far as he could see even though she was slowly dying inside with each step toward the door.  When it was shut behind her, she hurried her pace to the car that she had driven since the beginning of their relationship.  Placing the suitcase in the back seat, she slammed the door, leaped into the driver seat and, turning the key, backed out of the driveway.  Where she was going, she had no clue.  However, she knew she had to get away from this man who had become her worst nightmare.  She longed for the times that they shared special moments of happiness that she would cherish forever, but in reality he was someone she no longer knew.  This was hurtful to the core of her very soul.  

She was weak in the face of disappointment and vowed never to act irresponsibly in the face of a problem that she encountered.  This was easier said than done but with each passing moment, she was determined to rebuild her life and put herself as a priority.  There was a better life waiting elsewhere that didn’t involve Sergey.

When Sergey was sober the next morning with a severe hangover, he searched for Ilse, unaware that she had even left.  When he saw that her clothes were gone, he knew that he had erred beyond repair, costing himself the one that he had nothing but pleasant memories to reflect.  She had been his soul mate and he had taken her for granted.

Life was unfair and he was losing his grip.

Over the next few years, he would learn to cope with bachelorhood, having mastered the art of being alone and coping with the reality that he was to blame for the marriage ending.  It was only a matter of time before he had a new practice elsewhere and everything he wanted, though the hole in his soul remained, never to be filled again.