Autumn Leaves & Pumpkins Please

eleven | the eyes, chico

october 26th

dallas, america

THE EYES NEVER LIED. Pupils minimized or enlarged when he felt certain things, the glow covering the iris was rather lightened and shiny than dark and gloomy. I hated that people thought they knew everything about Xavier Montgomery, while in reality they didn't; they believed the lie he tried to sell. One should always focus on the eyes instead of the body language, they could easily alter the posture to mislead you. What worried me the most was that most celebrities would use their difficulties to amplify the attention media gave them, but Xavier was hiding it all.

It took the paparazzi approximately two days to find out why he was in America. Firstly, all motives guided to me. He had posted a picture of Dallas and people assumed I lived there. It was a smart move of him to distract people from the actual reason he was in Texas. After he had indeed visited me, he was photographed entering the University of Texas MD Anderson which was a hospital in Houston. Everyone was extremely confused, including me.

"Maybe you should give him a call," Gwen suggested.

After school Gwen, Valentina, Sadie and I went to McDonalds to order lunch.

"He wouldn't tell me why he was there. He probably doesn't trust me or something," I replied as I drank from my coke.

"You're in a relationship, of course he has to tell you," Sadie said.

"I don't know if I'm really in for it," I leaned in to whisper, "a fake relationship is not really my thing."

"Clearly it is. You've been in one with Chris for two years." Valentina had a mischievous smile on her face which I wanted to knock off. I threw some fries at her, but laughed about it anyway. She had a point after all.

"I think Autumn is afraid to actually get feelings for Xavier." Gwen shrugged and stuffed her face with a burger. I stopped drinking and looked at her with a disgusted facial expression.

Valentina and Sadie both looked at me questioning. They probably thought the same as Gwen which forced me to come up with an excuse. I would never be able to fall in love with someone like Xavier, someone so cocky and annoying, constantly playing with my needs.

"Making up an excuse?" Gwen asked, "Don't tell me I'm wrong because we all know I'm right. First of all, you had s*x with him which means you are attracted to him. Second, without Xavier in your life I'm sure you would still be in a relationship with Chris, you partly got a bit over him because of your constant thoughts about Xavier. Lastly, you can't stop talking about him or anything related to him."

It was f*****g awful to hear what was true. I realized that the f*****g b***h was stuck in my head ever since we had s*x, but I tried to not accept that. I was such an emotionally unstable wreck.

"Okay, I'm going to agree with all of that. He has made quite an impression, but I don't think I'll ever be able to catch feelings for him, really. Maybe this sounds weird, but he has all qualities I despise, but that's what makes him interesting. He is the person I want to find out more about him, but without any romantic stuff. I would go crazy if I had to cope up with him in a relationship. Also, after Chris I think I'm just going to look for the one, not everyone who crosses my path."

"Hm, I believe you, but you never know what your heart thinks is best for you. Your interest could turn into loving all of those qualities and that without even realizing it. Maybe you're in the first stadium already, but you don't realize it yet. I think Xavier just has major walls built around him, I mean he grew up in such an overwhelming environment for a child. I think he learned to always hide his feelings because of the people in his world who could take advantages of that. No one is born as cold as he is," Valentina said.

"I think," Fadoua's voice scared me for a second, because I didn't realize she had been standing and listening to us for the last minute, "that you shouldn't accept the deal, Autumn, for your own best. Chris has hurt you enough already and I think Xavier is capable of hurting you even more. Even manipulating you. I've read your message in the group chat about what he said and how he acted when he was home with you. He's that man from all w*****d books who exactly knows all your soft spots and will use them for his own good and you're that stupid girl who falls for it. I don't want you to be that girl. Think like an adult and think about what's best for you."

"But this isn't a w*****d book, Fad, Xavier isn't fiction. Xavier is a real person," Sadie replied, "I think everyone is able to change with the right help or the right person, Autumn in this case. I've did some research on him and he's had a girlfriend before; Heather Greinfield and they broke up because of the fact that they were too busy. It's not like he's dead inside-"

"I am, though," Valentina said.

"There's just something that happened to him and he is struggling to overcome it. As Val said, he grew up in an awful environment with busy, busy parents and probably a babysitter who took care of him all the time. If he's able to love Heather Greinfield, he's able to love Autumn. Everyone loves Autumn," Sadie continued.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, alright," I said, "loving is a big word."

Fadoua sighed deeply.

"Why are you guys always trying to lead her onto the wrong path?"

"We're not trying to lead her onto the wrong path, we are just giving her what we think. We can't protect her from anything, she's an adult woman now, she has to make her own choices and if she makes a mistake; so be it. Isn't that how you grow as a person?" Valentina said.

"I'm on this one with Fadoua," Gwen said, "I don't think she should put all that effort into someone like Xavier who barely cares about her, just for the sake of helping him. He clearly isn't interested in that, he's only interested in his business and his ever-lasting fame."

Sadie wildly stood up, looking furious at both Fadoua and Gwen.

"I can't believe how insanely negative you are about s**t like this!" she exclaimed, "Always seeing the wrong in people, only believing the bad sides, do you know how sad that is? It doesn't matter about who it is, Xavier or f*****g Harry Styles, you only want to see the bad things. People like Xavier for example need f*****g help, they can be f*****g helped and if they were open for help, they would've already be cured. People like Xavier have to see what's wrong with them and I think Autumn is the best person for that."

And that was when a huge discussion broke out. The girls all stood up, pointing at each other, shouting at each other and all fellow people in McDonalds were looking at us. I rubbed my face with my hands and decided to stop this quarrel.

"f*****g hell, girls!" I shouted loud enough for them to stop screaming, "Is this really worth it? About f*****g Xavier Montgomery? We barely f*****g know him!"

I lowered my voice and the girls sat down in silence.

"I get all of your points, all of you are equally right, there are bad and good sides about it and I'm really struggling to make a choice, but the only reason why I would do it is because of the money I'd get. I could use that to ameliorate the circumstances at home for my mother and live my dreams. I would use Xavier like he would use me, no attachment required. And if we end up being friends, which I don't think will happen, I will be happy to help him with the problems you guys assume he has, but I won't force him. Please guys, only look at it as if it's business."

When I got home I was exhausted, but forced myself to work on my project about anatomy. Every word I wrote in Word made me want to kill myself more and more, until I was so done with it that I accidentally poured my drink over the keyboard of my laptop.

"f**k!" I cursed when my laptop shut down. I tried to fix it, but it was too late. "Can my life get any worse?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic."

When I turned around, Xavier scared the s**t out of me. He leaned against the doorpost and grimaced at me. Must've been very empowering to see me basically almost getting a heart attack. I threw my hands up in the air and looked at him furiously.

"Stop randomly showing up at my house! And also, what about knocking? What if I was m**********g?"

"Ew, gross," he made a face, "I would never want to see your v****a, like ever."

"Okay, Taylor Swift," I sighed. "Now, why are you sneaking up on me?"

"Can I sit?"

"No."

"Thank you, love." He sat down on my bed and took a look at my wet laptop. "Why is your laptop wet?"

I spun a couple times on my chair and shrugged my shoulders.

"Why would a laptop be wet? I think because she was horny."

"Sounds promising."

"Because I spilt water over it, you dumb fuck."

"Whoa, okay then. Mind your f*****g language, wanker."

"You're so British," I laughed, "it makes me sick."

He laughed too and pushed a hand through his hair. It was shiny as always, but this time it looked a bit messier. He wore a sweater with a shirt underneath, regular jeans and his favorite grey coat. He started sit-jumping on my bed and listened carefully to the creaking sound it made.

"Comfortable, yet squeaky. The bed in my hotel is more suitable for wild nights."

"Don't you think about it," I warned him.

"I was kidding, love."

His eyes appeared brighter than ever before. It was a bit scary, I wondered why he seemed happy or rather relieved.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Well... I'd say the sky, but it looks like you're not in a very good mood after your laptop incident, so I'm not going to say it. Only because I want to avoid getting slapped again."

"You said it anyway," I was preparing to slap him – not for real, though –, but he grabbed my wrist and then my other wrist and pulled me onto his lap.

"Get your filthy hands off of me, you animal," I said.

"You haven't called me," he said, "I was expecting to receive a call from you, so you left me no choice other than visiting you again. Don't think I like doing this, because I really don't. I'm not here for fun, I'm here to organize our deal, alright?" He let go of my, so I could sit beside him on the bed. "I've printed a contract which I want you to sign. In the contract are our rules, please view them."

"Can I change the rules?" I looked through the booklet he gave me.

"Yes, but only if I agree with the change. That probability is low, so don't bother. I'll be leaving tonight, so send it to my address on time, please. If you've signed it and I've received it, I will give you further details."

"Xavier, can I ask you a question?" I put the booklet away and crossed my legs.

He looked at me.

"Why were you at the University of Texas MD Anderson?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"I'm curious."

"It's nothing important, nothing to worry about to say the least." He stood up and walked to the door. Just when he was about to exit, he stopped moving. "Autumn?"

"Yes?"

"Do you perhaps want to give me a tour around Dallas?"