Autumn Leaves & Pumpkins Please

twelve | cozy city walks & annoying exes

october 26th

dallas, america

WALKING WITH HIM THROUGH THE CITY felt like something I had to pay for, like an exclusive event after he had signed my book. From the second we left my apartment Xavier changed instantly; although he remained his calm nature, his movements got sloppier and wilder. He would jump a little when he saw something beautiful or tilt his head when he looked at me when I was talking. His eyes kept moving, he wanted to see everything – it was a way to show that he was enjoying this unlikely event. The only barrier that stopped him from completely opening up, was his mouth. He wasn't talking much and when he was talking it was about anything but himself.

I wanted to know more about him, but he never showed me that side.

Suddenly, he put his hands around my waist and spun me around so that I looked the same way as he did. The front of his body subtly touched my back, his warmth immediately hugging my cold body. The temperature in Dallas appeared to be very chilly during fall.

"What's that?" he asked as he pointed at a war memorial.

"Confederate war memorial."

"Show me it."

It was notable how he always turned questions into order. I wondered whether questions would make him feel uncomfortable, maybe he wasn't used to asking people favors. Would you like to show it to me, Autumn? I'd love to, Xavier. I decided to not say anything about it, not when he was feeling so free.

He walked a couple of rounds around the statues with his hand under his chin, observing the memorial. Sometimes he stood still to look at it from varied perspectives, sometimes he read the texts.

"It pays tribute to the soldiers and generals from Texas who died during the American Civil War. It's designed by Frank Teich, he was a member of the United Daughters of the Confederacy," I said when he neared me.

He stopped walking and touched the granite and marble of which the statues were made out of.

"How does Albert Johnston feel? Maybe you should touch Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and Jefferson Davis too."

"Why do you know so much about it?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I payed attention during my history classes in high school."

He held my gaze for a couple of seconds and exposed a little smile. Then he walked away without saying a word, leaving me no other choice than following him like a puppy. I realized I was constantly pleasing him, doing what he said, following him around, yet I didn't feel like starting a quarrel about it. When I was annoyed enough, I would say something about it, maybe.

When I came around the corner, he jumped out of the bushes and scared the living s**t out of me. He laughed and I pushed him a couple of times. We walked to Galleria Dallas to get us a drink there. We were standing in the line when he randomly grabbed my shoulders and started massaging them.

"You seem a bit tensed," he said with a low voice, "relax a bit, love."

Then I realized people inside and outside were staring at us. They pointed at us and talked, took photos and then moved on. When they were gone, Xavier pulled back his hands and cleared his throat.

When we had our drinks I decided to ask him about his book which I was almost done with. Maybe in that way he would open more about his visions on different things and creativity as author. I was very curious how someone who acted as if they had no personality at all, managed to write such a good book.

"I'm reading Fireflies and Your Lies. I'm almost finished," I said.

He nodded, sipped his coffee and looked outside.

"You don't want me to give my opinion?"

"You already did."

"I didn't."

"You are liking it, because otherwise you wouldn't be almost finished."

"You don't want any further opinions? Maybe a bit deeper."

He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. The grip around his cup fortified, which wasn't a good sign at all. The little signs he gave me to stop talking. A couple of seconds later, he put the cup on the table and squinched up his face. I frowned my brows at him.

"Are you okay?"

"What do you want to know about the book?" he asked.

"Eh... How did you come up with the characters? What's it like writing from a woman's point of view."

He moaned before talking, but it sounded strange; unnatural as if he was holding something back. Something physical like pain. I began to worry, what if he was on the edge of getting a heart attack?

"It was way harder than I thought," he said where after he firmly grabbed the edge of the table. He slammed the other hand on top of the table, so his coffee fell and the liquid started spreading.

"Xavier," I grabbed his hand and stood up, grabbing his face with my other hand, "what the f**k is going on?"

"Nothing. Don't follow me, I'm fine." He stood up as well and ran to the toilet.

It took me five minutes to finally go to him. I knocked on the door, called out his name, but he didn't answer. I repeated that action a couple of times, until I had enough of it and went inside.

There was no one.

I opened every cubicle, but they were all empty.

"Where the f**k did you go..." I mumbled as I tried to figure out where Xavier possibly could be. I didn't see him leaving the building, so he definitely hadn't passed me.

I left the men's toilet and saw another exit at the end of the corridor. It was standing open a bit and when I pushed it, cold air made its way into the room, embracing my body which had just warmed up. He must've left via this door, but why would he leave me like that, without saying something? I tried to estimate his escape route and followed it, but he was nowhere to be found.

On my way home, I kept calling him, but he didn't pick up the phone. Back in my apartment, I saw a new post on his i********:; it was a selfie of him in a car with the description saying: I'll say color instead of colour now. My body instantly heated up and waves of anger went through my body, passing all organs and making them feel hotter than usual as well. I threw my phone onto my couch which scared the s**t out of my dog. I felt bad about it, so I started petting her. She looked at me with pure hate in her eyes and I really didn't blame her; I turned into Satan's daughter when I got mad.

"Was it all a f*****g excuse?" I said to her, "Was it all to be able to leave me? Acting as if he was f*****g dying and then leaving me behind like that. He's even bad as a fake boyfriend! That p***y-licking, motherfucking British asshole!"

My dog slowly walked away.

I decided to not call Xavier again, because sooner or later he would contact me anyway. Then was the perfect time to get so mad at him that he got on his knees and begged for forgiveness, then for once, I was the leader and he was my little slave.

I tried to wave those dark thoughts away and put all the energy hidden in my anger into my project. A week later was the deadline, so I had to hurry. Then I realized my laptop was broken.

There I stood for a couple of minutes – or hours, not sure about it – with my hands buried deep into my hair. My professor was going to be furious with me and I wouldn't pass this semester. Maybe sucking his d**k would give me extra points.

"I'm going to f*****g drop out of college, f**k this s**t," I said to myself, "I'm so f*****g dumb, I don't understand anything of the motherfucking anatomy of humans, so you know what, f**k that s**t!"

I grabbed my phone – and a bottle of wine – and typed in my school's phone number. Luckily, my common sense held me back from calling and let me just drink the wine. I took place on my couch and drank the whole thing in four minutes. Then I grabbed another one, the one my grandma had bought me for my twenty-first birthday.

"Let me get everything straight. Chris broke up with me for another slut, I had brilliant s*x with Xavier Montgomery, I got back together with Chris-"

My phone started buzzing like crazy and Chris' name appeared on my screen. I sighed deeply, took another large sip and then picked up. When you speak of the devil...

"Autumn, are you still angry with me?" he asked.

"What happened to asking how my day was? Well, Christopher, it was f*****g s**t! I made a deal with Xavier and took him out, then he acted as if he got a heart-attack and f*****g left me."

"Sounds... like a bad day. I wanted to talk with you after school, but I couldn't find you. I read some gossips about you and that Montgomery guy, are you two really together?"

I thought for a bit, but then came up with he most genius answer ever. This was going to break him, pulverize his heart into thousands of little pieces and that was exactly what that moron deserved.

"Yes."

"What? Are you f*****g kidding me?"

"No, honey. The gossips are the truth, we are dating."

"But we haven't even officially broken up? You're still in a relationship with me, are you being serious Autumn? What is this? What happened to you?"

"f**k off?"

"You can't just tell me to f**k off! We really need to talk about this, Autumn. I know that things have been difficult lately, but just- just give me a chance. You promised me to give me a chance!"

"Yeah, that was before you came up with your hypocritic bullshit."

"I was jealous, Autumn! You know how I feel about you, I love you."

"You think I wasn't jealous?"

"Definitely not, because you f****d Xavier like what? Four days later?"

"To get over your stupid ass, obviously! But you know what, I'm glad I had s*x with Xavier, because his c**k was much better and bigger than your micropenis. Now, don't you dare hit up my celly one more time because of this s**t. We're done, Chris, this is over."

"You're being so incredibly immature, God! You're not willing to forgive me, because you have your ass stuck up in that rich ass of Xavier. I can't believe you're ruining such a good relationship like we had for someone who only cares about himself and his money and that you don't even want to talk about this. In person."

"You know how much I value trust and loyalty in a relationship, Chris, and you ruined both for yourself. It's not that I don't care about you, I really do, but that trust part is completely shattered. You broke my heart by telling me you were hooking up some girl you knew for a week, so I found distraction by having s*x with Xavier while not being in a relationship with you. I did nothing wrong and I don't care that you're jealous. I'm sorry to end such good memories just like this, but it's the only thing I can think of now."