Autumn Leaves & Pumpkins Please

seven | give mama a hug

october 17th

london, england

LILY-ROSE WENT TO THE BRO-S BULDING while the rest of the girls and me stayed in our hotel. We figured it had an indoor swimming pool, a club, an arcade hall and a play hall for children. Obviously we went to the play hall first, because most of the girls couldn't resist feeling like a ten year old once again. I did not blame them, but because of the muscles I hadn't used since I was ten, I decided to just read a book as I drank from my mojito.

Xavier's novel drove me mad. The female protagonist described everything so beautifully and enchanting, while the author himself seemed so flat and uncaring. It was as if Xavier didn't have a personality. I had to admit, his book about a mysterious love triangle came out better than I expected. Never thought he could think of such romantic things as described in his book.

Valentina ran up to me, trying to catch her breath. She took a seat beside me and sipped from my alcoholic beverage.

"God, that tastes amazing! Anyway, what are you reading?" She quickly took the book out of hands and groaned loudly after reading the author's name. "You should've burned this book by now."

"It's a good book, better than the one's I've read so far. It's very surprising."

"I can't believe you're still willing to financially support his stupid ass!"

"It doesn't matter, the book is already paid. You seem to hate him more than I do."

"Yes, because I do have a well-functioning brain unlike you."

"My only defense is agreeing with you, so I agree with you."

Then my phone rang. The only one who called me these days was my mom, so I was surprised to see another name on my screen.

Chris.

I wanted to ask Valentina what I should do, but she was already back in the playground. I gathered all my courage and decided to pick up; it must've been very important, otherwise he wouldn't call.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Autumn... Hi, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thank you. What about you?"

"Not so great."

"What's the matter?"

"I miss you."

"Are you drunk?"

"No."

"Stoned?"

"No."

"Drugged, oh wait..."

"Autumn, I'm serious. I miss you. I know I was the one who broke up, because I was so stupid to think that girl could replace you. I've realized no one could ever replace you and I just want to let you know that I really, truly regret my choice."

I did not see that coming, in fact, that was the last thing I was expecting. His voice made me weak, especially because of the seriousness in it. I could imagine him calling me, all shy, shaky and afraid for my answer. Chris was the sweetest person I had ever met, so soft and gentle; the reason why I fell in love with him.

"Please, Autumn, say something," he nearly begged.

"I- I just don't understand it. How... How did this just suddenly popped up into your head? Did Sophie ditch you or something? You seemed so confident about breaking up with me."

"I know... I'm sorry, but our relationship got a bit boring. Then I met Sophie and thought she... Well, I was wrong and I just want you to be with me like before again. I feel so empty without you, not to sound cliché, but as if there is a part missing inside of me. I don't know how to explain it, but I just have this constant feeling of missing you and wanting to have you in my arms."

"But Chris, what if I say yes now? What are we going to do then, try out new s*x positions?" I thought about the positions Xavier and I had performed and sighed deeply. "You're still the one who just abandoned me for another girl who crossed your path and that says a lot about how you felt about our relationship and I can assure you that that feeling was a bit deeper than just boredom."

"I was dumb, I had my head stuck up in my ass, okay? I love you Autumn, and that'll never change, you know that. I now see my mistakes and really regret making them and I'm totally in for new s*x positions."

"I love you too, you know that as well, but is it really going to be solved when we get together again? I'm still that boring girl and that probably won't change."

"We can figure it out together, I promise you. Please, give me another chance. I can't live without you, I truly mean it. This has been on my mind all week long, but I was too afraid to call you. At this point, thinking of you all day long drove me crazy. I had to hear your voice and apologize."

I wanted to say: then why aren't you dead yet, but that would've been too Madison Beer-ish. And Chris was no Jack Gilinsky.

"Okay then. But promise me you'll never hurt me again like that. I wouldn't be able to cope with that for the second time."

"I promise. I really love you Autumn."

"I love you too."

Maybe it seemed a bit weird for me to give in so easily, but I knew for a fact that I could trust Chris. He had always been there for me whenever he needed to and even when he didn't need to. Our relationship indeed got boring due to having everything planned out carefully. There were no surprises anymore, especially because our busy student lives, which made it boring and scripted.

I felt a bit angry because he had let me go through all that pain which caused me to have s*x with Xavier, but also felt very happy that he missed me. That he realized that stupid blonde slut wasn't anything like me. Maybe we could start thinking about our future such as renting an apartment together in Dallas. I felt like our temporary break was about to make our bond even stronger.

The girls were very confused about the news. They didn't understand why I would go back to that piece of s**t, but only Valentina understood me. She had been in a long relationship, but then her boyfriend moved to Rome and Valentina didn't want to leave her hometown that early. The rest of the girls had never been in a serious relationship before, so I didn't blame them for not understanding my choice. It was so much different for me, because I knew Chris really well and I could trust him after all. Fadoua told me love made me blind. Gwen added that I needed glasses anyway because going from Xavier to Chris was a real downgrade. I told them I didn't know a Xavier.

We spent the rest of the day walking through the city and enjoying our last hours in London. We visited some nice cafés and even got the opportunity to talk to some locals. Sadie met a man who she almost immediately fell in love with. They went off together after an hour of talking, he probably took her to the park to have a picnic or something else classy. Or maybe he f****d her in the park, wouldn't surprise me.

"What if we go to the club tonight? I feel like we have been spending too much on serious business here in London," Lily-Rose said as she drank her coffee.

It was pretty cold outside, so we had decided to go drink a coffee somewhere. The streets were full of pretty, brown red-ish leaves and the sky was painted in this blue mixed with orange color. Everything in London seemed so warm, the colors, the ambiance, the people. I could never get enough of it, it was too beautiful.

"Tomorrow is Monday, sweetheart," I reminded her.

"Who cares. Call in sick."

"Or skip lectures, university doesn't care at all," Valentina shrugged, "that's why I dropped out."

"Maybe uni doesn't, but I do," I replied.

Everyone looked at me as if I was sick. Mentally sick. Very, very sick.

"God, I'm really f*****g boring aren't I?" I sighed. Everyone started nodding. "I can't help it."

"You have loads of great qualities, though. You're sweet, but also quite bad sometimes. You usually say what you think which makes you look very confident and you like partying, just like we do. Oh, and you make the best alcoholic beverages ever," Sadie said.

"Oh bloody hell, you're making me blush," I tried to apply a British accent, but I didn't succeed. How unfortunate.

"I agree and you also always get all the hot boys. When we're going somewhere, every man turns around to look at you," Gwen added.

"And the most lovely thing is that you never see that. You don't think too highly of yourself," Lily-Rose said.

"That's mainly because she got her head stuck up Chris' ass. Anywho, you're also a very helpful person with good advice. You'd be the first one I'd come to if something would be wrong with me," Fadoua smiled at me.

"Would be," Valentina chuckled, "there's a lot wrong with you already, babe."

"Oh frick off!" Fadoua answered, laughing.

"Why do I want to hug you guys and stab you at the same time?" I asked.

"Because you're mentally ill, sis," Gwen said.

"And look, she's funny too!" Valentina said.

"Oh, come here sisters. Give mama a hug."