Guilt is inevitable !!!
1309 Words
“ Ple-....pleasee”
“ please don’t leave me”
“ please Mama ! Please don’t leave me alone.”
“ I won’t ever make such mistake”
“ God ! Please don’t punish my mom for my mistake.”
I jolted from my sleep due to the same nightmare, it has been constant in my life since my mom left me alone to fight into this cruel world.
Those last moments in the hospital with my mom is still so fresh in my memories, those last moments- .....a big sigh left from my mouth with just the thought of it.
I can feel myself sweating profusely but only enough for me to realise how my body is trembling under that blanket which is covering my body into this freezing cold.
Not much colder than my past.
I got up from my bed uncovering myself and gulp down the water from the bottle lying on the bedside table, grabbed the robe and has put it on to save myself from freezing.
I walked into the spacious balcony attached to my room, even the beautiful house cannot make you feel less lonely. Specifically the night time is the time which can eat you alive.
I touched the railing briefly to check if it’s more colder than I anticipated, but it was bareable.
I leaned top of my body on the railing, looking down from the top of the building. It’s a skyscraper !
Looking down from the top doesn’t make anything feel good, it’s still as hurting as before when i was at the bottom struggling to reach the top for fulfilling the promises I made to mom on the last moments of her life.
Tears prickling into my eyes, gave none effort to remove them because it lies there no matter what I would do, the only difference is, they are visible at the night time.
“ Mama ! I miss you.” Those fumbled words get disappeared into the cold wind of newyork and get mixed with those thousand sighs of various human.
I looked up at sky and admiring those stars, feeling the same as when I was 19 year old girl, broken, devastated but today the only difference was I am not coward anymore, I don’t have any reason to be coward or helpless. My shield has left me long before.
I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing, those sobs uncontrollable but can’t be heard.
“ Mama ! I am keeping every promises I did to you but i am-... I am sorry- ... for not keeping the promise that I won’t take myself guilty for-... your DEATH..”
“ I cannot do that... I am sorry “
“ Guilt is the only thing human cannot control.”
My palms slides down the railing and I dropped on the floor while tears are making my eyesight blur.
After major mental breakdown, I was again on my foot. Determined to keep every promises I made to my mom. I can’t let her down, I have to make it up to her.
“ Mom ! Each and every member responsible for our downhill will be behind the bars, I promise.”
“ I will try to save every person I can with the use of power ,god has provided me, momma I promise I will make you the most proud Mom.”
Promises are meant to keep and I am more than determined.
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“ MISS CHARLEZ has did it again, the most famous attorney of Newyork and the CEO of law firm has been in the news from last few years has won the most sensational and critical case which has been talk of the town.”
“ Here she is coming out after winning the case, we will try to get every details to you so stay tuned...”
“ Miss charlez !!”
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“ Miss Charlez “
“ Here to your straight ,Miss Charlez !”
I saw some reporters waiting outside the court for me to answer their curiosity, or should I say there next article title ?
I adjusted the black coat i was wearing while my black sunglasses is doing amazing job into hiding my eyes to give away anything which shouldn’t be disclose.
“ Miss Charlez ! How are you feeling after winning the 30th case in a row, none failure, must be very flattering ?” Reporter asked that question while putting the recorder almost near my face.
I ignored the question and started making my way towards the parking but one question made me stop into my track and I felt like answering it.
“ Don’t you feel fear when fighting against such big names, they hold grudges and can ruin your life ? You only take the cases of property dispute, it could be dangerous you know.” That question was being asked by the journalist but I can feel the intention behind it. I can hear it so I needed to answer it for the one behind this question.
“ When one has nothing to lose, you become the Beast. Answer this to the person behind this question of yours.” With the smirk I started walking towars my destination.
I am feeling like someone is boring holes on my back, has become used to it though.
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“ Momma ! We did it again, did I make you proud ?” I asked just like the child who is seeking her mom’s patting on the back.
I put the bouquet of yellow red roses my mom’s favourite on the grave of my mom, sat there removing all the dirt from there while talking everything that happened in the courtroom.
After an hour of talking with my mom, I started leaving from the graveyard looking for the keys of my car in the bag of mine, found it after good two minutes but crashed with someone.
I groaned at that and started apologising to the person without looking because I bent to collect the keys which were lying there on the floor due to this little accident. My eyes went at the shoes shining bright like they are brand new of the person i colided with.
I raised myself to look at the man, my eyes went wide when I saw who was it.
But thank god ! I had my glasses on.
“ again I am sorry for the crash, have a good day.” I mumbled those words out hurridly and started walking from there trying to make it natural as I can but I knew I was failing miserably.
I can hear his thoughts, I was caught red handed.
“ Should I say again that was it planned ?” He popped the word again, I bite my bottom lip as my back was facing him.
His thoughts are making it harder, believe me, you don’t want to hear them.
“ I don’t know what you are talking about..” Wow ! Who the hell made you lawyer for god’s sake ? I taunted my inner self.
“ Of course you don’t !” I could feel the sarcasm behind his husky deep voice.
Gosh ! From when i started thinking like this. His voice , husky, deep ? Jesus !
“ I will go first, Goodbye.” I bid my farewell.
“ Shouldn’t you say see you soon ? See you soon angel.” I heard his words and can feel the smirk in his voice.
Who is he ?
What does he mean by see you soon ?
- Writer
