Gamble With My Heart

I guess I'm going to be late for class today. I had $20 in my pocket and $50 in my checking account. I could take a taxi or get an uber but that would be a waste of money. I guess I better start walking. I looked at the time 25 mins left before class starts, s***h that I guess I better start running. I ran a lot but even I knew I couldn't run 5 miles in 25 minutes, I ain't no Usain Bolt. Gosh! I wish I was him because I would get to class in record time. I grabbed the shoulder straps of my bag and took a deep breath. "You can do this Mia." A little encouragement before the start of the journey. I started off at a slow pace, I was trying to match my breath with my footsteps. I looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful day, the sky was so blue and the clouds were spread out beautifully. As I ran, memories of my childhood flashed before my eyes but I blocked it out. I wasn't ready to feel like s**t again today. The college gates were up ahead and I had already been running for 35 minutes, so I was already sure that I was at least 10 minutes late. As I ran through the campus, I could see people staring at me. It looked as if I got rained on but it was just sweat. I ran into the college bathroom closest to my class. I was already 20 minutes late so an extra 5 minutes of being late wouldn't affect anything. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a wet dog and that was definitely not the look that I was going for today. I always carried wet wipes and body spray. I wiped my armpits and under my boobs with the wipes then applied some body spray. I sweat a lot but luckily I didn't smell. Smelling bad in public was the absolute worst thing. It was actually a fear of mine. I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail and walked out the bathroom. I put on my b***h face, say anything to me and you will be eaten alive. I walked into class with my head hanging low. At least I won't get reprimanded if I looked as pitiful as possible. I found the nearest seat to the door because I didn't want to search for a better seat because that would just draw too much attention to me. "Wait! Wait!" I shouted at Jake after class. I got to class late which meant I had to spend extra time coping notes and figuring out all the work I missed. I normally wouldn't come to class on Friday because I only had one period but that period was with the devil incarnate Mr. Thompson, my business English lecturer. He always made us write notes and always gave us so many mini assignments to keep us busy during the weekend. According to him college is a time for us to study hard and improve ourselves instead of going out during the weekend to have fun. I can bet the last $50 in my account that he had no friends in college. Mr. Thompson is so bad to the point that even when I was sick, I had to ask Rue to sit in class for me, copy notes and then get the weekend assignments for me. Mr. Thompson always said only one of the mini assignments would count towards our grades but he wouldn't tell us which one so that we could always put maximum effort into our assignments. "Shoot me now." "Mia, why were you so late today? Did you forget it was the devil's sperm period?" Jake said to me. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. We all had different names for Mr. Thompson but they all had to do with him being related to the devil. "Trust me I didn't forget, I just missed the bus and had to run here." "Why didn't you take a cab or call me? I would have picked you up." I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my feet. I did that when I didn't have a good answer to give. Jake was a guy from my high school who managed to escape Derby. Although we were only an hour away from Derby it still felt like we had escaped. Jake and I weren't very close but we shared some sort of weird solidarity because we escaped, plus we were both studying business. Studying business was not my dream but my whole goal was to pick a major that would give me a job that would bring in money as soon as possible. I didn't really have a dream or an ideal job so I guess anything would have been fine. "Do you wanna have lunch in the cafeteria?" "Will you allow me to copy your notes?" I watched Jake laugh at my question. He had a pretty smile but just wasn't my type at all. He was tall and pretty muscular. I could tell he worked out because the veins in his arm were so huge. I always told him his face and body don't match because he has this manly body but has the face of a baby. I couldn't take Jake seriously sometimes because he had the cutest face with dimples on both cheeks. "Do you want to split a plate of fried rice?" "Really Mia? A plate is literally $2.50. Are you really going to be a cheapskate when it comes to food?" Our cafeteria was heavily subsidized but I still felt bad about buying food even though I love eating so much. "Let's go Mia. I will pay for your food and allow you to copy my notes." "No! I can't let you pay for my food." I never want a man to pay my bills because they always expect something in return. "I will pay for myself Jake" "If you want to copy my notes then you gotta let me buy you lunch." When he said that I instantly turned around to walk back towards class hoping someone from Mr. Thompson period was still there so that I could copy their notes. I felt Jake grab my elbow and try to stop me. "Jeez Mia you can't take a joke. I'm just worried about you because you are losing so much weight." "Well running 5 miles tends to have that effect on everyone." "You know Mia, you actually have a weird sense of humor but it's cute." "Thanks." I hated compliments because I didn't know how to react to them and I always ended up looking stupid. I smiled at Jake and started walking towards the cafeteria. I know Jake gave me a compliment but my head didn't register it as a compliment. It felt more like an insult and I had to start analyzing my humor to figure out if I said anything wrong. That's the f****d up thing with me, good things seem bad to me while negative things seem good to me. I guess I can thank my mom for f*****g my head up so much. I felt miserable most days but found a way to live through the misery. I was trying not to prove the phrase 'Misery loves company right' but it was so hard. "Penny for your thoughts" I looked at Jake and laughed out loud so hard. "That is the most cliché phrase ever. You got to do better than that dude." "Hey! I'm studying business, not literature, okay." "Well you did the literature department a good deed by not applying for their major." It felt good to tease Jake and laugh for a bit. "Well I'm glad my choice of words was able to make you laugh Mia. You look pretty when you smile." Ugh why did Jake have to ruin the moment by complimenting me. I could spot the cafeteria from afar. It didn't look too full so that was good to know. I wasn't in the mood to be around many people. When was I ever in the mood to be around people? I started walking fast, hoping that Jake would get the hint and stop talking. I didn't want anyone to compliment me no matter how innocent it was. I ignored most of what he said while we walked quickly to the cafeteria. The sooner we get there the sooner I can copy these notes and leave. When we got to the cafeteria I immediately looked for the table furthest away from the crowd and took a seat there. "Is fried rice and kung pao chicken okay with you?" "Yeah sure. Thanks, here's $5. Can you get me a bottle of Fanta also?" I watched Jake walk towards the kitchen. I felt bad for acting rudely to him but I wasn't going to address the situation because that would mean I would have to explain the situation to him and I wasn't ready to do that. I took out my notebook and started to copy the notes. I silently cursed Mr. Thompson every few minutes. I looked at the old watch I had on, apparently it was my fathers. I don't have any sentimental value with it but I just wear it because it stops me from having to buy a new watch. It was 11:35 and I had to leave at 12pm because my shift at Luigi's starts at 1pm. It's a Friday and that means we get paid time and a half plus we got sick tips on Fridays so I was not going to mess that up by arriving late. I always remember James saying you can arrive late to your funeral but not to Luigi's on a Friday night. I wrote so fast to the point my handwriting started looking like a doctor's handwriting. I wasn't sure I could read what I was writing but I will figure that out later. "Mia, here's your food." I looked up at Jake and smiled at him while I continued to write. I didn't have time to waste. "Seems like you have somewhere you need to be." "Yep! Work." I didn't look up to talk to him. I was trying to multitask and I hate to admit it but I suck at it. Whoever said women can multitask has never met me. "You're going to have indigestion if you continue eating that fast." "Trust me, the share existence of Mr. Thompson gives me indigestion." Jake laughed so loud at what I said, I had to think about it and it did sound pretty funny. I couldn't help laughing too. It felt good to laugh. "Wow here I thought you had too much Botox and could never laugh." "Oh wow here I thought you were just a d**k but now I realize you a dickhead." "Ouch! Low blow Mia." "Two can play that game, mister." "Jake, stop disturbing me, I have to finish this." I said it in a playful way but meant it. I couldn't miss the bus again and I wasn't in the mood to walk again. I finished copying the notes at 12:05pm and I knew I had to run to the bus stop. There was no time to waste. "Thank you so much Jake. I really appreciate what you did for me today." I really hope he understood how grateful I was. Sometimes I struggle to say the right words but I really was appreciative of him taking time out of his day to help me. "Don't sweat it. I guess we comrades in hell." I smiled at him because it was a shared feeling. Mr. Thompson made everyone have a little affection for each other in class because his class was literally hell and we had to come together and slay the dragon as a team. "Um, I'll see you next week. Bye" I said bye to him and the food I had just wasted. I hate wasting food but I have no choice today. I will miss the bus if I try to finish my food. I got up and ran to the bus stop not waiting to get a response from him. I know I look stupid always running around, honestly I wonder sometimes what's chasing me. I was silently crossing my fingers hoping I wouldn't miss the bus. I couldn't afford to miss it. As I got near the bus stop my heart started to sink. No one was standing there. That could only mean one thing, I missed the bus. "Argh! WHY ME! WHY TODAY! f**k THIS s**t! f**k!" my bag dropped from my shoulders. I crouched down on the floor and laid my head on my palms. Why was today such a horrible day. I know it's a stupid thing to do but I started feeling pity for myself. "Could this day get any worse? I reject that, I reject that, I reject that." I started rejecting that sentence because anytime anyone ever says 'Could this day get any worse? It always did get worse. I had to cancel that proclamation before it got into the atmosphere. "What am I going to do now?" " Come on Mia, you can do this." I hope no one could hear me talking to myself. They would probably think I was weird but don't they already think I'm weird? I stood up and picked up my bag. " I guess I just have to run again." I walked towards the traffic lights in front of the school gate while giving myself a mental pep talk to prepare myself for this journey. As I waited for the light to turn green so that I could walk, Jake pulled up right in front of me in his old run down blue truck. People used to say they could hear it before they could see it. "Do you need a ride?" 'Uh no thanks, that's okay." "Are you sure? I can see you missed the bus and you told me you going to work. Do you want to be late to work?" I didn't feel comfortable entering a car alone with a guy. Jake hit his steering while saying "It's not much but it does get you from point A to B." "No! It's not that at all." I was shaking my head profusely hoping he wouldn't think I'm looking down on him. I just don't feel comfortable being in a car with a guy. How do I explain this without offending him? "Jake, it's not about your car. I would obviously choose your car over walking any day. It's just I don't enter cars alone with a guy. I'm sorry for offending you." I looked down at my feet, embarrassed for how childish I was. "Listen Mia, You not offending me at all. What you saying is very sensible and there's nothing to feel bad about. I can wind down all the windows and the doors won't be locked so if you ever feel unsafe you have other options. I'm just trying to help, I mean no harm towards you." I looked around wondering what I should do. I looked at my watch and It was 12:16pm. I knew if I walked I would be massively late. So, I picked up the courage and entered Jake's car. "Thank you." He stretched his hand to the passenger door and opened it for me. I put on my seatbelt and I sat so still you would think I was glued to the seat. I gave him my work address and watched him enter it into his phones' Google map. "Breath Mia! I'm not going to kill you but I might force you to kick Mr. Thompson butt for me." I watched Jake smile at me and I was grateful he was able to make little jokes in such a tense situation. It made me feel so much better and at ease with myself. "Oh! There's a long list of people who want to beat Mr. Thompson butt." "That's why you gotta get in line now before the spots fill up. "You are so crazy Jake." I smiled at him. It was easy to tease Jake because he didn't take himself too seriously. I wonder why we weren't friends in high school. Maybe because you were a loner? My mind silently drifted through my high school classmates and I wondered if I missed out on meeting amazing people because I was too stuck in my head or did I dodge a bullet by not getting close to them. I mean my family situation wasn't the best. "We will be at your workplace in 10 mins." My mind drifted back to reality. I looked around Jake's truck. It wasn't the best looking truck but I could see he drove it with honor. It made him feel a sense of pride because he was able to buy this especially coming from where we came from. The interior and exterior was blue, he had a hula dancer figurine and a palm tree on the dashboard of his car. It looks like he changed the seats because they looked new and felt very comfortable. "It's not much but I love it." "Huh" I didn't hear what he said, I was too busy admiring his truck. "I said it's not much but I still love it." "You should be proud of yourself, you were able to work hard and buy this truck. That's not an easy thing to do." Jake smiled at me and I really hope he understands how well he is doing and I hope he is proud of himself. I watched Jake turn onto a very familiar street. I didn't realize how comfortable I had become in his truck. I was leaning back into the seat but the moment I saw the Luigi's sign I shot up and kept my back straight. I was grateful to Jake. As he pulled to a stop across the street from Luigi's, I took off my seat belt and thanked him once again for his kindness. "Anytime Mia, Anytime." I smiled at him and opened the door. As I got out the car I looked at the time and I was 5 minutes late. SHOULD I JUST WALK IN AND PRETEND I WASN'T LATE AND HOPE I'M NOT CAUGHT?