Art of Serendipity

50

I am just staring at the ceiling of my hotel room, thinking of the things I did wrong or what really did go wrong. May kasalanan ba ako noong past life ko at ngayon ibinabalik sa akin ang karma?

I was able to leave his Condo with so much grudge, sobrang labo ng mga pangyayari para sa akin. Napakabilis. Sobrang bigat sa dibdib ang umalis sa Condo niya na may sama ng loob because I was not use to it, I never did that. He never made me leave on his place with this kind of feeling.

And he didn't even tried to follow me. Well, what do I expect? Hindi naman din mababago ang lahat kahit habulin niya pa ako. Wala na. We are definitely and absolutely done.

"Let's break up," my voice cracked upon saying that. I hate those words.

"But..." he sighed heavily. "Love, we will never break up. Let's fix this, please. I will fix this. Let me, please..."

Napasabunot akong muli sa buhok ko, nahihirapan akong makita siya na ganito, sobrang nakakapanghina.

"Fix yourself first. I won't accept this kind of relationship, Lev. You have to know that. Kung sa 'yo ay mababaw lang 'yong dahilan ko kung bakit ako nakikipaghiwalay ngayon, sa akin, hindi. I can't imagine how we worked this relationship full of lies. Maraming araw at oras na may pagkakataon kang sabihin sa akin iyon, but you chose to keep it all by yourself. Are you even planning to tell me?" maririin ang bawat bitaw ng salita ko.

"I was, humahanap ako ng tiyempo. I was always planning to tell you," He tried to hold me hand again but I refused. I do not want to feel him again.

Ang dami niyang nasaktang tao, f*ck. How could people do that? Where are their conscience?

And when could he find that timing? Once our hair is already white? D*mn it.

"Let me go, Lev. Just admit it, nanloko ka at kung papatawarin kita agad, you will just going to repeat it again and again so let me leave. Ayaw ko na ulit magpaloko sa 'yo…." thaw was the end of my hurtful statement. Marami pa sana akong gustong sabihin sa kaniya pero sa sobrang sakit ay hindi ko na makayanan pang dugtungan iyon. All I know is I have to leave.

I threw him a harsh look before going out his unit. Pagkalabas ko ay wala na si Alas at hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko siya haharapin. Nahihiya ako. I'm also confused as f*ck.

Alastrid liked me? Isa pa siyang hindi nagsasabi sa akin. He didn't know how to tell me? So, he asked his bestfriend to look for me instead? Hindi ba niya naisip na mangyayari ito? Ang tanga niya kung ganoon. Ang talino niya pagdating sa acads pero ang bobo niya pagdating sa ganito.

He is not persistent to get me. If he likes me, the he should tell me right away. Anong dahilan niya? Dahil busy siya? I don't care. All I think is I wish he had not let me fall to his bestfriend if his only reason is that he wants to make sure I am fine until he comes back. That is full of bullsh*its.

But I also have to ask myself. If umamin nga siya sa akin noon, magugustuhan ko rin kaya siya tulad ng kung paano ko nagustihan ang kaibigan niya? I always told to myself that Alas is a boyfriend material but not for me, hindi kailanman sumagi sa isipan ko na maging boyfriend siya. Masyado siyang mabait para sa akin.

And if I am the one he was talking about when he said that he liked someone, then it is not my fault anymore. Hindi sa manhid ako o ano, I just do not want someone to give me mixed signals.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit naroon na agad 'yong driver namin pagkarating ko pa lang sa baba ng building. I was about to call the Driver to get me but I was suprised that he's already here. Mugto pa ang mata ko at nagulat siya nang makita ako pero hindi na lang siya nagsalita. I entered the car, confused.

"How did you know that I need you to pick me up, kuya?" I asked the driver as I hopped in the back seat.

Tinignan niya ako sa rear mirror nang nagtataka. "Tumawag po kasi sa akin ang boyfriend mo, ma'am. Sakto po at nasa malapit lang ako dahil may pinakarga po sa akin ang Daddy niyo. Sabi po niya ay sunduin kita rito kaya narito po ako."

"D*mn him," I whispered as I looked away. I am pissed because after what he did to me, that small gesture still made my heart pound. He still assured that I'm safe. Why is he like that? How could he do that?

Nakatulog agad ako sa Hotel dahil sa sobrang pagod at mugtong mata. And now that I am awake, I'm still staring at my ceiling with a heavy heart. Tila pasan ko ang mundo sa sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko.

Napabalik lang ako sa wisyo nang tumunog ang alarm ko. I immediately throw the alarm clock towards the wall and it broke into pieces. Wala kang kwenta! Kanina pa kita hinihintay na tumunog, nauna pa ako sa 'yo magising!

I'm also pissed because I still want to bury myself on my bed but I still have class, and I do not want to cut my classes. The reason is not worth it to do that.

Nang makapasok ako sa school ay wala talaga ako sa mood. I cannot smile. Sobrang… naninibago ako sa paligid. I do not know, parang hindi ako sanay kahit ang totoo ay palagi naman akong narito. I just don't how could I face everyone's questions about him and I…

"Oh, Aya! You're not smiling, huh?" one of my blockmates asked.

I just gave her a small smile before turning my gaze away. I don't want to get back to my old self but I also don't want to have connections with anyone. Mahirap na, baka maulit ulit. Baka magtiwala na naman ako tapos sa huli ay masaktan.

"Hey, where is Levi? My mom is asking if he could ship the painting she bought yesterday?" again, one of my blockmates had it before I could even step inside the room.

I hate these questions…

I shrugged my shoulders. "In his gallery, maybe."

"Could you ask him, though?" pamimilit niya pa.

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I can't. He is probably sick-busy."

Dahan-dahan siyang tumango at umatras. "Oh, okay! I might ask his secretary later na lang!"

"Yeah, you better do that," I said, wala sa sarili.

That was one of the hard interactions I made with other people. That was hell.

Walang masyadong ginawa sa school dahil nag-oorient lang sila about sa On-the-Job training for us, students of Hotel management, and since our Hotel is one of the high-rated hotel locally, the hotel management head asked if our hotel is open for trainers and of course, I said yes.

But I'm a bit intimidated because Dad can't handle this one right now, so unfortunately, I'm the one who will grab this. Sabi ng head ay hindi ko na raw kailangan mag-OJT dahil well-experienced na ako. True enough, pero hindi pwede dahil hindi fair sa iba. Although, ma-trabaho nga 'yong gagawin ko pero pare-parehas lang naman kaming students dito, my only advantage is that I know everything in advance, not just mentally, but physically. That's how I born.

Usually, after class, si Levi ang naghihintay sa akin sa Complex, sa parking or sa baba ng building kapag nauunang matapos ang ginagawa niya sa Gallery, mostly, ako na ang pumupunta sa Gallery nila at doon nagsi-stay sa Basement or sa Office niya. Doon ako nagpapalipas ng oras, watching him paint paradise and all.

Pero anong nagbago ngayon? I am not expecting him to wait for me anymore, and I will never going back to his Gallery. Mabuti at wala akong Velez na nakita pagkatapos ng klase ko. My driver picked me up and drop me by our hotel. Nagbihis lang ako sa Hotel room ko at agad na nagpunta sa office para simulan ng ayusin yung gagawin na On the Job training.

But I got stunned when I saw Levi waiting inside my office. I stopped opening the office's door when he glanced at me and I saw weakness in his eyes. Nakaupo siya sa tapat ng mesa, waiting for me to approach him.

I sighed and closed the door behind me, I pursed my lips and tried to avoid his gaze while walking near him. Hindi ko siya kayang makita. Hindi ko alam kung bakit walang sinabi sa akin ang mga crew na nandito si Levi or baka dahil sanay na sila sa presence ni Levi kaya pinabayaan na lang nila na pumasok dito ang isang 'to.

I stopped when I already standing right near him. He stood up and faced me, he tried to walked towards me but I glared at him. Kinagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi niya at umatras pa nang makita ang galit sa mga mata ko.

"What are you doing here?" I said as cold as I can. I don't want to drown into my emotions.

"I have to explain things to you again, Aya. Please, hear me again," nagmamaka-awa ang tono niya.

"No need, Levi," I said. "Don't bother youself anymore. I do not want to obligate you."

He sighed heavily. "You promised... that you won't ever leave my side whatever happens. You told me that we'll marry each other. You promised that you will not slip away with my hold. I'm still holding onto that, until now..."

Yumuko siya at pumikit ng mariin. Nagsisimula na ring uminit ang gilid ng mga mata ko.

I still want to fulfill that promise but... how can I do that without thinking about other's feelings?

"That promises I made clear back then are all because I thought you are true to me... but I found out that you're not. So, I really feel like I made promises for nothing, Levi. Kung sa 'yo baliwala 'yong ginawa mo, sa akin hindi talaga, e." I stared at him, looking so dissapointed.

"Fuck..." he whispered, shredding one tear but he immediately wiped it away. It hurts seeing him like that. "But I didn't lie to you when I said that I love you. Those were all true. The memories we shared together are all fr*aking true."

"But you knew!" Tumaas ang boses ko. "From the very start, you knew that you are going to hurt us that's why you forced me to made promises with you! Akala ko pinag-promise mo ako kasi ayaw mong mawala ako, 'yon pala ay para gawin mong pang-blockmail sa akin 'yan sa mga panahong ganito! You're f*cking insane!I hate you to death! I hate you!"

Ang mga nagbabadyang luha ay tuluyan ng dumaloy sa pisngi ko. I sobbed heavily and pursed my lips. He doesn't deserve my tears!

"I'm not blockmailing you!" mariin niyang saad. "I just... I just want your forgiveness. I want you to stay with me. I love you so much, please don't hate me."

"Sige, I will let you explain..." Pinaalis ko ang mga luha sa pisngi ko at matapang siyang hinarap.

~~~