Art of Serendipity

51

"Itanggi mo lang, Lev. Tell me that it's not true, it's not true that you were just given a task by Alastrid kapalit ng pangrereto niya sa pinsan niya sa 'yo. Tell me you did not plan it... and I promise. I will believe you. Maniniwala ako kahit alam kong talo ako."

I am losing my mind when it comes to him. Alam kong mali pero mahal na mahal ko siya, e. T*ngina naman kasi ng tadhana, sa lahat ng pwedeng mangyari ay ganito pa. Ano nga bang nagawa naming mali?

"Aya, you know that I want to beg for your forgiveness but I'm not a liar. Kapag sinabi ko 'yong gusto mong sabihin ko, para ko na ring sinabi na nagsinungaling ako na mahal kita," he said, unable to breathe properly.

"Then it ends here..." I almost whispered. "You don't have to beg for my forgiveness because from now on, I will forget that. Kalimutan mo na rin 'yon. Let's just forget everything we had. You can leave now. That s so easy."

I sobbed silently. Parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Gustong-gusto k0ng patawarin na lang siya at hayaan na lang siyanv sabihin ang kung ano mang eksplanasyon niya pero kahit saang anggulo kong tignan ay mali, e. Maling-mali ang ginawa niya. Mali ang may masaktan siya, mali na naglihim sia, mali na nagsinungaling siya, at napakamali na tinraydor niya ang pinakamatalik niyang kaibigan. All of these are full of betrayal.

Umalis ka na lang, please… That is all I beg right now...

"I can't," he simple said.

I don't know what he's talking about. If he can't forget me, or he can't leave. If his reason is the latter, then I can f*cking throw him out of here. I don't want to see him again. Never again.

Inilabas ko ang phone ko at tinawag ang crew. "Pakisabi po sa mga guard na may nang-gugulong lalaki rito sa office ko. Make it immediate, please. Thank you," sinabi ko sa crew habang mariing nakatitig kay Levi.

"I said, I can't..." He walked towards me. "...lose you."

Matapang ko siyang tinitigan. "You can, Levi. Maghanap ka na lang ng ibang babae na mapapaniwala mo. Ganoon lang naman kadali 'yon sa 'yo dati 'di ba? Adg oh, it's more convenient for your mother now because she hates me. You know Cristine? Your mother even introduced me to your med student ex-girlfriend. You f*cking said that you did not have any serious relationship before, I also believed that! Noong nalaman ko iyon ay hindi naman ako nagtanong sa iyo kasi alam kong hindi naman na kailangan iyon. As of me, ngayon, hindi ko na rin kaya pa ang mga pang-iinsultong natatanggap ko sa mommy mo kaya umalis ka na at huwag na huwag ka na magpapakita sa akin. Do you understand that?"

He advanced. "But-"

"D*mn it! Can you just leave?! Gusto mo talagang ipakaladkad kita paalis dito 'no? Paalis sa buhay ko?"sSigaw ko sa kaniya at sakto namang may kumatok.

I immediately opened the door and the guards revealed. Itinuro ko si Levi na nakatitig lang sa akin, walang emosyon at mukhang walang paki na nilalapitan na siya ng mga guards para paalisin dito. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin bago tumalikod. I will go back to my hotel room, I don't want to see him leaving. I do not want see the guards making him leave because of me. I might run and chase him, I'm scared I could do that.

"Will you..." His voice cracked. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad habang naka-hawak sa doorknob. "Will you continue your dream, being a flight attendant even without me?"

I closed my eyes firmly. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa doorknob na animo'y masisira na ito. I want to kiss him so bad. I want to be with him so fr*aking bad.

But still, I managed to force myself not to. Tumikhim ako. "My dream is mine alone, Levi. Kung tutuparin ko man iyon, wala ka na ro'n. So please... Just leave."

"Don't give it up. Achieve it. That's all I am praying for..." he whispered, almost inaudible but I was able to hear it clearly because my attention is still all on him.

I sighed before finally, leave my office. I knew that the moment I step out, he will be gone in my life... forever. But it's okay. I love him.. one last time. I love him still, hindi naman nawala iyon, and I bet if it will be gone…

Ganoon nga siguro talaga. Love is one of a kind. Love is unique. You should not find it to other people, or places, you must feel it first. It is really hard to find, like gold, diamons, or perhaps, the aurora borealis that when you lost, you will feel the sudden regret, the instant rock that is molding inside you and it hurts. Reality hurts so f*cking good.

But again, this is the right thing to do. I'm entrusting everything to God. After all, He is the one who made everything happen.

Hindi na ako nakadaan pa sa room ko at dire-diretso na akong pumunta sa Hospital. As soon as I arrived there, I saw Nanay Luz is already talking to her daughter.

"'Nay!" I ran up to her and hugged her, but not so tight. Baka masaktan ko siya, I'm scared to hurt her. I burried my head on her neck and cried.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang pag-alis ng anak niya kaya kaming dalawa na lang ang naiwan ni Nanay Luz dito sa loob. I started to cry like a baby begging for her mom to feed her, I cried as loud as I can. Marami akong rason ngayon para umiyak. Inilabas ko lahat ang luha ko pero hindi yata ito nauubos.

Nanay Luz is stroking my hair so gently. I feel so comfortable, tumutulo ang luha pero wala ng tunog, unlike a while ago.

"Ayos na ako, Aya. Pero pakiramdam ko hindi lang ito ang dahilan kung bakit ka umiiyak. May problema ka ba, anak?" Nanay Luz said so softly.

Umiling ako sa mga balikat niya. "'Nay, you made me so scared. H'wag na po kayo masasaktan ulit, please? I can't bear to lose you."

"Sus, ano ka ba naman, Aya. Pwede ba naman 'yon? Mawawala ako sa mundo at hindi natin mapipigilan iyon," tumatawa pa niyang ani.

Humarap ako sa kaniya, lukot ang mukha. "Don't talk like that. Aalagaan mo pa ang magiging anak ko, right?"

She smiled and wiped my tears. "Oo naman. Nasaan nga pala ang boyfriend mo?"

Biglang nawalan ng emosyon ang mukha ko at umiwas ng tingin. "I don't know po."

Hindi ko alam kasi wala naman na akong boyfriend. We broke up already but I don't want to say it to Nanay yet. I still do not want to speak up because Nanay is still in a hard condition. Maybe next time if she is already okay.

I saw on my peripheral vision that she is not pleased with my answer. Oo nga pala, Nanay Luz is an observant.

"Talaga? May problema ba kayo? Aba, anong nangyari? Bakit ganiyan ang itsura mo?" she asked consecutively.

"W-wala naman po, 'Nay. Pahinga na po kayo. Papapasukin ko na po 'yong anak niyo." I immediately changed the topic.

I stood up but Nanay Luz held my hand. "Aya, ah. Ayaw kong naglilihim ka sa akin. Kung iniisip mo na hindi ako ayos kapag kinuwento sa akin, lalo akong hindi magiging okay kapag wala kang sinabi. Ano iyon, hija?"

I sighed, giving up. Wala talaga akong maitatago kay Nanay Luz. "We already broke up, 'Nay."

Kumunot ang noo niya pero parang hindi naman siya nagulat. "Bakit?"

"Because of... things that was beyond my control. Ayaw ko na pong pag-usapan, 'Nay." I smiled weakly.

She 'tsk-ed'. "Hindi ko alam kung bakit kayo naghiwalay pero sana h'wag ka maging malungkot. Tuloy pa rin ang buhay kaso sayang naman kayo. Boto pa naman ako kay Levi pero wala naman ako sa posisyon para mapagsabihan kayo. Sana lang ay maging masaya ka pa rin, anak. H'wag ka bumalik sa dati mong ugali na strikta pa sa strikta. Siya ang nagpabago sa 'yo kaya hiling ko ay h'wag ka na talaga bumalik sa dating ikaw. Mas gusto 'yong Aya ngayon, masayahin, laging nakangiti at palakaibigan."

I just smiled and embraced her again. Atleast, I have her.

I... miss Levi already, and I hate to admit it.

Pero dadalhin lang ako ulit nito pabalik sa mga kasinungalingan ni Levi. Ayaw ko na ulit magpalokooa. Nakakapagod pala, sobra.

Funny that we didn't broke up because he had an affair, a third-party or what. Knowing him, he is the notorious playboy s***h flirt painter guy who can capture your heart in just a glance, even me.

I think Nanay Luz was wrong when she said that we are 'sayang'. Hindi naman kami sayang, dahil kapag sinabi kong sayang kami, e'di sayang rin ang mga memories, laughters and tears na na-buildnamin. So, hindi kami sayang. Sulit lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. Having him near me is really worth it.

But sad to say, hanggang doon na lang 'yon.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Nanay Luz nang kinagabihan. Ibinagsak ko agad ang katawan ko sa kama at umiyak.

Na naman.

I used to cry before because of Tita Donna but I guess this is worst than that.

Should I hate him for hurting me? Or should I love him more because he always make me special the way no one else could?

But I will still follow Nanay Luz. Hindi na ako babalik sa dating ako. Ngayon ko lang naisip na pinahihirapan ko lang pala ang sarili ko dati. I pitied myself way back then. Ngayon kasi, I can be friends with someone so easily but I'm being careful of choosing who I will be friends with. Hindi lahat tunay ang intensyon na makipag-kaibigan. Hindi lahat tunay...

My On-the-Job training started and of course, it held in our hotel so it's more convenient to me. I am now one of the staffs and employees. I just feel a bit uncomfortable because employees here are still treating me so good, like a boss. Biruin mo, nagtatrabaho ako as staff dito tapos hinahatiran pa ako ng pagkain. I don't want my co-students think that I'm having a special treatment here so I told to the employees to stop treating me as their boss as of now. Hell! I'm not yet their boss! Si Dad pa naman ang boss nila!

My busy schedules distracted me a bit so I really worked hard to be more productive. Training ko na rin ito para soon, kapag ako na ang nagma-manage ay hindi na ako masyadong mahirapan.

~~~