Following my parents' steps(SQ:The good girl is changing me)

Chapter five - I won't give up

Skyler's POV:

I don't know what is wrong with him. All I do is try to be nice, but he doesn't understand this. What else do I have to do to make him talk with me? To be honest, I don't know why I care so much, but I do. I wonder if my mom was the same. I know that dad told her everything at the beginning even before they started dating. It was hard for him as well, but he decide to trust mom. Why Blake doesn't trust me? What bad thing did I do? We met two days before the start of the new school year. Except for me trying to talk with him, nothing else happened. If we have met before that, I should've remembered. Maybe it's because of whatever has happened to him, but what do I have to do with that? I have no idea who hurt him and why. I am starting to think that he just doesn't want people around so he won't get hurt again. It's understandable, but you can't be alone forever. If I knew where he lives, I could ask his parents, but I don't know will they tell me. After all, they want their son to be happy, so since he doesn't want to tell anyone, why they would do it. I will think about this. I won't give up. Soon or not, he will tell me everything. Then what? I haven't thought about this. How can I help him? I should've thought of that as well. 

I woke up in the morning with the thought of him. Since the school year started, which was already a week ago, I can't think about anything else. I don't know how my parents haven't noticed it. Maybe they did but pretended that they didn't. Anyways, I got up and started getting ready. When I was done, I went to wake up Mike, but he was up again. I think that he can do this by himself and I don't have to do it anymore. I walked downstairs for breakfast. This time dad was here too. I don't mind waking him up, but I think that he prefers mom to do it. 

 I started eating my breakfast and the thoughts came again. I know that he is hurt, but he can trust me. What if someone has told him something about me? Some people keep talking about me. I have to ask him that. Well, if he wants to talk with me. It won't be easy, but it's worth a try. I was lost in my thoughts when Mike put his hand on mine. I looked at him confused and received a smile. 

- What?

- Everyone was calling you, but you zoned out. 

- Sorry. 

- Honey, are you ok? You know that you can tell us if there is a problem. - mom said

- I know and thanks, but I am fine. 

Nothing else was said. After breakfast, Mike and I walked to school. He went to his friends and me to my locker. I saw that Blake was here too. Should I ask him now? What if he walks away? If I keep asking myself, he might really do it. I got what I needed from my locker and walked up to him. He looked at me, but didn't say anything and kept looking at his phone. 

- Can we talk?

- No. 

- Please. It's important. 

- No. 

- Can I know why you hate me?

- No. 

- Will you say something different than no?

- No. 

- Look, I don't know what people have told you about me, but this is not true. I am not a spoiled brat. Please don't listen to them. 

- Why do you think that someone was talking with me bout you? I thought that up to now, you know that I don't talk with anyone. 

- Yes, but why else don't you want to talk with me? I tried everything. I'm trying to be nice to you, but it looks like you don't care. I don't know what else to do. 

- Nothing. If you leave me alone, that will be great. 

- But I won't do it. I want to know why you hate me.

- I never said it. 

- Just because you didn't doesn't mean that it's not true. 

- You want to know everything, right?

- Yes, I do. 

- Ok, then. You are an annoying girl who doesn’t know what personal space means and who is desperate to mess in people's lives. 

I won't lie that this hurts. Does he really think all of that for me? Am I acting like that? I gave him a look and we made eye contact, which lasted too long. The bell started ringing and we walked to class. He didn't want to sit with me so I had to sit next to one girl. I tried to focus on what the teacher was saying, but it was impossible. 

On the lunch break, I went to take food, but decide to eat it at a quiet place. All I took was a piece of pizza and one apple. I don't feel hungry today. Soon someone came and I saw that it was Blake. He saw me as well and was about to go, but I stopped him. 

- You don't have to go. I won't talk with you. 

- Why should I believe you?

- Because I want to eat my lunch. I won't bother you. 

- Is this your lunch? - he asked looking at it

- Yes, why?

- Are sure that this is enough?

- I am not hungry. I thought that you don't care. 

- And I don't. 

- It doesn't look like that. 

- Whatever. Just eat your lunch. 

I tried to eat, but with every piece, which I was taking, I was feeling like I am going to throw up. I put the pizza in the bin and the apple in my backpack. I rested my head on the wall and closed my eyes. Now I realize that maybe the problem is not him, but what people think about me. I felt tears in the corner of my eyes but didn't let them roll down. I opened them and saw that Blake was next to me. When did he move? I don't care. Maybe I should stop getting obsessed with the idea to know everything about him and just focus on myself. I have many things to change. His hand slightly touched mine, but I felt like an electric shock struck me. Is that possible? I looked at him, but there was no reaction. 

- I am going to class. Have fun here. 

There was no response. It's not like I was expecting one. I walked to my next class and sat at the back. Soon Blake came and this time he sat next to me. I gave him a confused look, but nothing. Sometimes he is confusing me. In one moment he is mad at me and in the next, he is nice. What the heck is wrong with him? I won't think about this now. 

After school, I walked home. I think to ask dad how he decides to open up in front of mom. I know that it wasn't easy so I want to know how he did it. I don't think that Blake will do the same, but it's worth a try. I walked to their office and found them working as always. I have to admit that they look cute when both of them are looking at the screen thinking about what they should write next. Why can't I find someone like dad? He is perfect for mom and loves her a lot. I want that too. The difference is that people haven't talked rubbish about mom when she was my age or at least she didn't tell me. I know that in her school, people didn't like her that much, but at least they only ignored her. This is better than people talking dirty about you every day. 

- Hey honey. Do you want anything? - mom said

- When will you finish with your work?

- I don't know, but hopefully soon. Why?

- Later, I want to talk with dad. 

- Don't you want to talk with me?

- You can't answer my question. Only dad can. 

- Ok, I understood. I am not your favorite. 

- I didn't mean...

- I'm kidding. - mom said laughing

- Give me a couple of minutes and I will come. 

- You can finish your work and then come. It's not urgent. 

- Ok then. 

- I'll be in my room. 

I walked upstairs to my room and get changed into more comfortable clothes. I have one teddy bear on my bed. It was a present for my tenth birthday from mom and dad. When I feel bad, I lay down and hug it. He is my only real friend. Well, I talk with some people from school, but I never felt close enough to anyone. I don't know how long I have laid down, but when I opened my eyes, I saw that dad was there. 

- What time is it?

- It's 5 pm already. I saw that you were sleeping and decide to come later. 

- You could've waked me up. 

- I know, but I didn't want to do it. 

I didn't say anything and just snuggled in him. These are the type of things, which I want to do with a boy. I love my dad a lot, but I want to be like him and my mom. When they are not working, they spend a lot of time together. I want to be able to do that, but the problem is that I don't have a boy. I haven't told my parents about that, because I don't need dad to be in protective mode. Maybe I should tell him to find me someone like him. This will be fun. Ok, but for real. I want to be special for someone different from my parents and brother. 

- For what did you want to talk with me?

- I want to ask you something. It's a little bit personal. 

- Ok, go on.

- When did you decide to open up in front of mom?

Dad looked at me as if I have said something bad. I hope that he won't get mad at me. 

- I know that you don't like to talk about this, but it's important for me. All I want to know is how you decide to do it. 

- Why are you asking?

- There is one person who I think it's hurt, but I don't know how to help. This person doesn't want to talk with me. 

- Can I know who is this person?

- It doesn't matter. The point is that something has happened and I want to know what. 

- I am starting to understand what you want from me. The first thing that you have to do is to make sure that this person trusts you. 

- And how can I do that? It's visible that this person doesn’t trust me. 

- Then try again. Don't give up so easily. If it's important for you, then ask again. 

- I can't do that. The thing is that this person doesn't want to talk with me or anyone else. This person likes to be alone.

- Is it a boy or a girl?

- I told you that it doesn't matter. 

- Find a way to show this person that he or she can trust you. Maybe you can do something nice for this person or take him or her somewhere where this person will feel comfortable. 

- And how I am supposed to do that? I told you that this person doesn't want to talk with me at all. 

- Then don't talk and just do it. 

- Thanks, but I don't want this person to hate me even more.

- Why do you think that he or she hates you?

- Because why else this person won't talk with me? We met two days before the new school year, but I don't remember doing something wrong. Well, maybe I did since this person is acting like that. 

- Maybe you should give this person some time. Don't you think that you are pushing him or her to the edge? Not everyone feels comfortable talking about his or her life. 

- Just like you back then?

- Yeah. I just didn't find anyone, except my best friend, on who I can trust and that's why I wasn't talking.

- But why did you trust mom?

- Because she showed me that I can do it. When everyone was saying that I am bad, she said exactly the opposite. 

- So I have to tell this person that is not bad and that he or she can share everything with me. 

- You can try this. Just don't push him or her too much. Give this person some space. 

- Ok, I will try this. Thanks, dad. 

- Won't I receive a cheek kiss for the help?

- No, I will leave this to mom. I know that you like it more when she does it. - I said chuckling

- This is not true. 

- Yeah, keep fooling yourself. Both with Mike know that from all of us, she is your favorite. 

- I have never said that. 

- And you don't have to. Your eyes are speaking. You can't stay away from mom even for five minutes. - I said laughing

- Maybe I should've waited with the kids. 

- Hey, language!

- Very funny. 

Until the end of the day, my parents, Mike, and I watched movies. I wanted to snuggle in dad, but since mom took this spot I had to sit from the other side on the couch. Mike was next to mom since she is his favorite. Ok, we love both of our parents equally, but somehow we feel more connected to only one of them. I am with dad and Mike is with mom. Maybe it's because they have spent more time with us. I don't know the real reason, but this doesn't mean that we don't love the other parent. After all, both of them take care of us. I am trying to go easy on mom because I know that she is very sensitive. I will listen to what dad told me and will try to talk with Blake again. I know that it won't be easy, but I won't give up. For some reason, this is important for me and I want to help him.