Lost and Found

chapter 11

  I hear the door creak open and a sliver of light pools across the dark room. The room was pitch black so it must still be the middle of the night. Someone is sneaking into my room. I want to roll over and look but I feel frozen, my breathing starts to quicken as I see a shadow cross over the small area of light. I am sleeping on my side with my back to the door the covers pulled up to my shoulders, I feel the shift in the bed as someone sits next to me. I want to move, to yell something but I cant. My body refuses to move my voice wont obey. I lay there waiting, for their next move. I feel a hand on top of the covers go from my shoulder down to my thigh, then back up again. I know what he wants. "No not again" I think to myself. I feel his hand at the edge of the blanket, he slowly pulls the blanket down, exposing my body beneath it. I feel the tremors going through my body as it start to shake. 

    My eyes fly open and I sit straight up. My body reacts and I jump from the bed, racing to turn on the light. I hit the switch and spin to see my empty room. Knowing it was just a nightmare, I scan the room anyway. Searching for some hidden danger. Nothing seems to be amiss except for the balcony doors are now wide open and the wind is whipping through the room. I think the wind is what woke me from that dream,  and now I fell it gently caressing me, almost like it has a mind of its own, trying to tell me I'm ok. Maybe this is what Octavia was referring to by the connection. The wind calms down and I realize I am covered in sweat. I see the clock is reading 3:52 AM. Well I am up now and there is no way I am going back to sleep. Guess I might as well make us of my time. I change into some workout clothes and head out for a run. While on the trail's I cant stop thinking about the dream. 

    Why am I having nightmares again? I haven't dreamt about that since I was like 15. Why would that come back now? None of it makes sense. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I did go see counselor's after they found out what my foster brother and his dad were doing to me, but I though I was over this. They told me the memories can come back at anytime and there can be small triggers or no triggers at all, but still. I run harder, trying to pump the anger and left over adrenaline out of me. It doesn't feel like enough, so I shift, its become seamless now and it only hurts a little, but right now, I wouldn't mind a little more pain, it would be a welcome distraction. I move to the back and let Amaris run now, as I watch through her eyes, I finally start to feel myself go numb.

    After a while we make get back to the house. I hop in the shower to clean of all the sweat, dirt and bad energy. I head down to meet Cairo and his family for breakfast. Its a little strange since I have spent all my time alone, I always just eat in my room. I get the feeling Ez doesn't really want me in the public eye yet. 

I walk into the dining area on the first floor of the pack house and the table is nearly full. Everyone's eyes shoot up to meet me, I guess I am still a bit of a mystery here. Cairo waves me over and I see Isis setting a next to him, across from them is Idris and his wife. She looks exactly like I new she would, except shorter then expected. She rises to meet me and gives me a hug introducing herself, I look down at her tiny 5 ft. 2 in frame. 

    "Selena its so wonderful to finally meet you, my family has told me so much about you. I am Camille" 

    "Thank you, its really nice to meet you." I go to take a seat between Isis and Cairo. Most everyone has gone back to their business with a few exceptions whispering and tossing me quick glances. I look at the table and then I give Isis a glare. 

    "What?" she says, looking confused.

    "You guys have a whole buffet every morning and I am stuck eating oatmeal in my room everyday? Are you kidding me?" She starts laughing. 

    "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel overwhelmed, and everyone still has a lot of questions. Alpha hasn't made any announcements yet. I didn't want you to deal with people staring or bugging you, and I know how focused you are on your training. I figured that was more where your mind was at."  She says sheepishly. 

    "No worries, I just know where I am gonna be eating from now on." I say with a grin. I reach out to get some eggs and bacon on my plate.  As I am loading up someone places a plate of waffles in front of me, I can see the steam still rising up. I add the warm waffles to my plate, smothering them in strawberries. I look up at Idris and Camille and immediately I see what Cairo was talking about. They are laughing and talking while eating and its like a light is on in them. They glow in the presence of the other. I have never seen Camille before but I know I have never seen Idris like this. In all our interactions he has been very warm but he did not have this light from within. It only took a moment to see exactly what Cairo and Isis talked about. I look down at my food and start digging into the stack of waffles, I like listening and watching those around me. Seeing everyone like this, it feels like a family. I smile at how strange that sounds, feels like a family, something I have only been able to imagine. 

    I laugh at a story I hear coming from a little bit down the table, the guy telling the story hears me laugh and he looks over at me, making eye contact we both smile. He has icy blue eyes and jet black hair, styled in a fashion not too common these days. He looks like he would fit right in with the outsiders. After a moment I break eye contact and look back to Idris and Camille, I missed what they said but I see Camille throw her head back and laugh as Idris ducks down to his plate, hiding a smile. She then elbows him in the side causing a deep laugh to escape. It is infectious, their happiness, their light. Like they have their own sun and I want to soak up the rays. I think I finally get it. 

  "Come on, you gotta get to training." Isis says as she gets up from the table. 

  "Right, lets go." I respond. I follow Isis's lead as she takes her plate and heads through the kitchen, we drop our plates at the dishwasher and head back through the dining area. Passing the table I catch blue eyes staring at me. I c**k my head, raising my eyebrow in question, he looks surprised and his face breaks out into another smile. He shakes his head looking away and a blush makes its way to his cheeks. I smile to myself knowing that I can do that. I look over at the Beta and his mate and they smile waving bye to me. I return the wave, as they share a look. Its like they mirror each other, not having the same mind but being on the same wave length.  How they orbit one another. I think I finally get the mate think, and I don't want it.