Lavender Air

I was 15 when I met her and she was beautiful. Long black hair with pale skin so white, it almost looked like printer paper... She had these eyes that seemed like cold fire, which seemed almost impossible. Sometimes, they'd appear icy, and other times, they'd be rich with fire. She kept to herself mostly; that is, until she met me. The day she noticed me, I was alone, walking down the school hall in my oversized hoodie I had jacked from my step dad. She laced her arm into mine unexpectedly. I looked at her, my brown hazel eyes staring into her seemingly icy(for the moment) hues; her cherry red lips curled into a mischievous smile before she spoke. "Where are YOU going, hmm..?" Her arm that had linked into my own held tighter onto mine as her heels clicked against the concrete, she kept pace with me as if it were no problem. "Just to class.." I murmered as I made my way into the light. Her grip loosened for a moment as her free hand blocked the sunlight while her eyes adjusted from being under the shade. Her hair seemed to have a slight red tint to it when the sunlight hit it. "Oh, well, that sounds boring.." She whined a little, leaning into me, "why don't we skip class and go somewhere?" I flinched and looked at the ground. Who was she, and why did this sound so alluring? I looked at the students while they finished up their lunches and began packing up their bags as the bell rang, "Where would we go?" I started, as my gaze shifted to her, "I don't have a car, and there are guards around the school. Plus, I actually did my homework last night..." I started pulling my arm from hers. I wasn't exactly the best student, but I loved my teachers and didn't want to upset them. She snickered and pulled me back in, pressing her coated red lips against my cheek. My heart leaped, and began pounding as she let me go, giggling, "Well, alright, have fun in class then." With that, she was off to do whatever she usually did. Our relationship started up so suddenly. She was always tempting me, and most of the time, I just disregarded her. She'd leave me alone, but the times that I was vulnerable would be the hardest to resist. She was always wearing revealing clothing but somehow never got in trouble. Maybe she was someone's daughter who worked at the school? Whatever it was, whoever she was, she got away with it, even flaunting it at times. As the years went by, I found myself acting more like her and her give-no-f***s attitude. She was terrifying and beautiful; men hung on her as if they were starving pups, and she was their master. Lapping the very words off her lips like it was the only nutrition they needed in life. She owned them; and they knew it and didn't do anything about it. It was like she was some sort of succubus and had some crazy spell over them. I was always the friend. The friend that would be left out even if she'd tried to set me up on dates with guys she'd thought would be a good match for me.. They'd always have eyes for her, like a starved animal. After a while, I just accepted it and let them talk about her, and then there was him.. I lost my virginity junior year, in desperation to keep him close. He had initially fallen for her, but the more he spoke to me, I guess the more I intrigued him, especially after telling him I was still a virgin.. She warned me that it wouldn't keep him close, in fact, that he might even break up with me afterward.. He actually did so much worse; he disappeared. The morning after I lost it to him, he took me home, dropped me off, and I never heard from again.. Still haven't even now. It's probably the only thing I regret in life... Eventually, we were inseparable, her and I, and so much alike that it was like looking in a mirror.. Had I fallen for her spell, too? I'm not sure, but as soon as I had my own car, I started skipping a whole lot more school, I nearly didn't graduate senior year. That was the hardest year, senior year. She disappeared without a word, leaving me this mess of anger and attitude that I didn't know how to be without her. I felt broken, honestly. I struggled with my classes, and every relationship I ever had was a constant violent fight inward about how to deal with people. I wanted to be good, right, and just, but in the last three years, my sense of what was good and just had been warped and turned selfish. I began my own road of rebellious behaviors, falling each time more and more into a deep dark hole. Where was she? Why did she leave me? She was my best friend, my everything. Many said that she was a phase that I had to get through, and her disappearance was the best thing that happened to me, but that didn't make the pain go away. I began to go numb, closed off to the world, and hid away on the internet, pretending to be her just to fill the void that she left. While in reality, I just followed people around, a barely functioning now adult in the summer before my senior year of high school, once again.. It was the hardest year of my life. It started off okay, pretty normal, as if she never existed in the first place. I did my homework, went to class, and was positive for my friends while I was at school. However, home life got hard due to me channeling her and acting out around my parents, which got me grounded more times than I care to admit. When winter break came, I left home and started couch hopping, still hoping to find her in any nook or cranny that she may be in, but instead, I was falling deeper into her personality online. I became obsessed. Upon meeting other girls online, I realized that they held her image way better than I ever did. They were strong, defiant, confident, and they knew how to hold onto a man, and that made me jealous. What did they all have that I didn't..? I had boobs, I was flirty and I pretended to have confidence.. Did people see through that falsity? Or was it just not realistic enough? I found out that it was in my desperation to be like this beautiful person that my faked confidence was practically see-through, but that wasn't till much later.. I remember when I saw her again and she was even more beautiful, somehow. "Been a while, huh?" She smirked dangerously at me. It was spring break. Everything was in full bloom. I shuddered at her comment as she linked her arm with mine much like she did all those years ago. "Y-yeah.." My stomach turned, I had almost figured out how to live without her, and there she was again; beautiful, tempting, and just.. Her. I had been hanging out with a friend that day. She had just introduced me to her boyfriend, who was 4 years older than her and my age. Something I originally didn't give any thought to, and then she spoke up, "dont you think.. He's a little old for her..?" She leaned in, and I shifted, looking at her. I couldn't believe that she'd say something like that, "I mean, she's 15, he's 19.." "I've dated with a much bigger difference in age.." I argued with her for a moment. This friend of mine was like a daughter to me, and I wanted her happy, and he really wasn't my type, but the more I got to know him.. The more I wanted to get between them.. "I'm only doing this because I care for her safety.." I would tell myself over and over again. Every time my friend and I got into a fight about it, those were the words I would tell her until I believed them myself. This was the first time I had acted on what she had told me in person. I had to, if I wanted her to stay, right..? I eventually won him over. Tore him straight from my friends hands, and as soon as he was in love with me, I discarded him as if he were trash, breaking up with him the day before prom.. The day before my 19th birthday.. I broke up with him because I had to convince another guy that I loved him. It's a much worse man than the first.. He was 22, the girl he was after was 16, and there was definitely something wrong with him..