Lethal Friends

Possibility

Rain pattered against my window pane as I sat cuddled up in my bed. My head rested on my Captain America pillow and I watched my laptop intently as it reached the scene of Thor and Lokey on the Bifröst Bridge. Wednesday night procrastination at it's finest.

"Don't let go" Conner whispered. I smiled to myself munching on popcorn reaching for more over his head that was snuggled up against my chest. I was so glad I could teach him the way of the Avenger world. It was amazing, and he cared so much it was adorable.

I ruffled his hair as we heard the doorbell rang, and I reached over him to pause the movie. He whined.

"Don't worry buddy I won't be long." I said and hopped off the bed and out of the cocoon of blankets. I glanced at myself in my mirror. My hair was sticking out widely of the half up lazy attempt of trying to get it into a messy bun and out of my face. My black clothes were rumpled underneath the red sweater I had worn. The one from a week ago. I kept wearing it as if it might somehow serve as a replacement for joking around with Logan. But that didn't make any sense. Neither did wearing the sweater because I gave it to him to keep the swelling down on his face. I sighed and ignoring this fact headed down stairs.

I pulled open the door to find a surprise. A guilty looking Logan- that was my surprise. I didn't know if it was a good or bad one yet.

I swallowed hard. Why was he here?

"Oh you're home." Well at least he was happy to see me. Not.

"Yeah." I said dryly. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to Adam actually. I have something of his." He answered coolly. But no matter how nonchalant he may have seemed I could see the edge of nervousness and worry poking through. His hand fiddled with the edge of his hem of the red shirt. I wanted to grab it so badly, but I stopped myself. His fidgeting was making me want to fidget, and I wasn't a fidgeter.

He wouldn't want me. He doesn't even want to be friends.

Then I realized what he said. I crossed my arms and straightened up trying to look accusing.

"You and Adam are never on good terms. So since when would you have something to give back to him?"

He pulled something out of his black leather jacket. It was a photograph, I couldn't tell exactly what of.

Then he laid it out for me to see. It was of Adam and I when we were very little. I was wearing a cute yellow daisy summer dress, ruined by the mud all down the front and on my face. Adam stood next to me looking guilty, his hands full of brown mud, and the obvious instigator. In the background Jordon sat on the ground mid-laugh. He looked like he was going to burst.

"This. It fell out of your sweater the night of the bonfire, and I wanted to give it to Adam, but you showed up. I thought you were out."

"No, if you paid attention then you would know I had to babysit my little cousin, while everyone else got to go out to celebrate Adam's school soccer team's victory." He was one of the star players.

Logan just nodded his head looking down at his feet. He leaned up against the door way almost as if he wanted to come in. And he didn't move away from the door so I couldn't shut it. What did he really want?

"London, look. I'm sorry I had to burden you with my past; you had to understand. But it's not fair."

"What?" What could possibly be worse for him about this situation.

"I told you about my past London why didn't you tell me about yours?" I stopped breathing.

There was no way. I had made everyone swear not to speak. How could he have possibly even found out? I felt dizzy just thinking about it. I didn't want to think about it, and bring back everything but here he was making me.

"Wh-what are you talking ab-about?" I stuttered I couldn't help it.

"Oh you know exactly what I mean."

"But what do you know? And how could you have possibly found out?"

"Because a second photo was attached to this cute one here. And you know what it was of?"

I silently cursed myself. Of course I knew. It was the one picture I always kept with me at all times. It was always in the pocket of whatever clothes I was wearing for the day. But ever since the war started I had forgotten about it more and more. And I had left it in that sweater pocket, from a week before the party. Somehow Logan had found it. That was great just great.

"It was a picture of you. You between two adults and on the back- London why did it have-"

"LONDON IM HERE!!!" Ryan jumped out of his mini copper the second he pulled up into the driveway interrupting the conversation.

I sighed relieved. I wouldn't have to say anything more. Since I was home by myself babysitting, I had taken the liberty to invite Ryan over to talk, and he had showed up with impeccable timing .

I started to move towards him when Logan's arm shot out across the doorway blocking me in. He stood up straight, intimidating me. This was so not his style, why was he being pushy now? I swear if he even put one finger on me, I was going to punch out his lights. If I could. If he'd let me.

"London, life's always a one for one kind of thing. The war we were in was a one for one prank. And so will be sharing our pasts. It's going to be a one for one thing. I will find out exactly what it means- and I'm praying it's something else then what I think." He looked solemn. I couldn't tell if that held sincerity too or not. Because if he was guessing what he thought I was, and if he was right then I would've thought he'd be more kind about it.

I guess once you stop being friends, so do all the privileges. I thought everyone should be kind, but it looked like in Logan's books kindness was a privilege.

I spotted Ryan coming closer, and I sighed in relief. He stuck out his hand and pulled Logan out of the way, off the doorway. Logan growled, and giving me a death glare over his shoulder he walked away. The picture he had said was for Adam fluttered to the ground of my doorstep. I leaned over to pick it up. Why hadn't he given me the other one back? That one was way more important to me.

"What was that about? I thought Logan wanted to stay away?" Ryan asked. My eyes shut briefly in irritation at his question. Instead of answering I pulled him inside and took him upstairs.

Pulling on a smile I showed him the picture outside my bedroom. "He wanted to give this back. It fell out of my sweater, I had completely forgotten I had even had it in my pocket. That was it."

I could tell Ryan wasn't believing it, but he must have also seen the badly disguised pleading look of Don't Ask written all across my face. So he nodded and I took him to my bedroom where we continued to watch marvel.

The evening was spent in a pile of popcorn, pizza, marvel movies, and mumbled jumbled thoughts of Loganchasing each other around in my head. I didn't fail to notice Ryan give me worried looks every now and then either. Or the fact that since the day Logan told me about Elliott his window had stayed closed.

*********

I wasn't used to waking up beside a boy. Especially two. One who had popcorn stuck in his hair, and whose legs were just barely touching my upper thigh- Conner. The other had a trail of drool sliding down his cheek and loud snores were coming in and out of his wide open mouth. I felt like I should laugh, instead I only thought of a particular boy that I would much rather see in the morning. I started at my own thoughts. That wasn't going to happen.

I slide out from between them sneaking off to the bathroom and quickly got ready putting on barely any makeup and not even bothering to do my hair. When I got down stairs I realized it was only 6 am. I had tons of time. So instead of finishing getting ready, I slipped out the front door. In Michigan I used to always go for walks. It was my way of calming myself down, or if I need to think about something important these walks always helped. I was hoping that maybe it would help me right now.

Without Logan to talk to, the pressure of the events of Michigan had come back full force. I felt like I was carry two ten ton bricks on either shoulder. I felt weighed down. Logan had helped me forget about everything momentarily. Or rather, he helped me see there was still something to laugh about, that one can still have fun without feeling guilty. But without him, there was no one to banter with, no one to give me a sincere smile not one of those stupid 'are you all right?' or, 'are you sure', pity smiles and questions. It was nice for once for someone to not know and not question. It was nice for a distraction. Kayla, Jordon, and Ryan were there too of course, but not in the way that Logan was. They weren't enough.

I hadn't realized that as I thought about these things I had started walking down the street, not even shivering at the cold morning air. But as I finally started to take in my surroundings and looked up, I walked head first into a rock hard wall. Nope that wasn't a wall that was a chest. I almost fell back, but two arms reached out and caught pulling me back up from being suspended in midair. They were strong and comforting. My hands spread out across their chest once I was safely standing upright again. The warmth of their body, from physical excursion, spread out and into the tips of my cold fingertips that rested on them. I looked up towards their face to see who it was who was the source of my warmth. It was Logan.

He didn't look like he was breathing, even though I could tell he was out of breathe from the run he had been on. His eyes were focused hard on my eyes, then on my face, then on my lips. I could barely breathe myself. I felt scared of him, but not in the traditional scared. The kind that makes you doubt yourself, the kind that if they find out the truth you're worried they'll scorn and laugh at you rather than comfort you like the should. The kind where you're scared to open up because they might cut and bruise you even further in the wound that's already there.

My eyes fluttered the tiniest fraction, and his eyes were pulled to it. I had completely forgotten my hair wasn't done and messy, with no effort possible put into it, until one of his hands moved deliberately towards the side of my head, where he cupped it. His fingers wound themselves up into the nest. It was like he was scared that when I had almost fallen I was going to c***k my skull and now was trying to protect it. But, no I knew that it probably wasn't that. It was most likely he was seeing how awful it really was.

I shivered as that same hand slide down from my hair down to my cheek. He leaned in tantalizingly and temptingly, that fine sharp jawline of his c*****g sideways. I didn't move, that movement of his stilling my body, freezing me to the core. Was he going to do what I thought he was? I didn't want to try and trick myself though. I had tried to believe that Logan would be my friend, and he had just deserted me especially when I wanted him the most, and more than one time too.

My lips parted and I made way to speak out his name, to ask him what he was doing. But the words got stuck in my throat. I could just imagine and feel the taste of him before he touched me, and I wanted it. But maybe if I said anything it would ruin this. Apparently the action was enough, though, and as soon as he saw my lips move he started to draw back into his shell.

His tight and comforting grip on me slowly slipped away, and so I felt was my chance at reaching him, underneath everything fell away too. He untangled our limbs and stumbled backwards, practically shoving my shocked, unresponsive body away from him.

"Dammit, London!" Logan cried backing away even more, rubbing his eyes. His sudden absence left me feeling cold. Cold, so cold. That was what seemed to wake me up fro my Logan daze.

"What?! What could I have possibly done that somehow makes this my fault. You stopped talking to me remember? And what the hell was that all about?" I burst out. I took his words as if he meant I was the problem. And from the look on his face I knew that was how he felt.

"Because, London, you make me feel... you make me feel. It's something I haven't experienced in awhile. But it needs to stop- now, before I'm in too deep, and your dead." Logan cried out. It seemed like he was finally admitting the little pieces of his mask were cracking. I wanted to take a hammer to it and smash it to pieces. Maybe that would guarantee a possibility that he would look down at the shards and see something in it, like a mirror reflecting his face. Then he would finally see it was okay to show what he had always laid underneath.

"Just because you care about someone doesn't mean they're going to die, Logan!" I practically shouted. Half the neighbourhood could probably be expecting me as their newest alarm clock for this morning.

"Elliott's dead. Adam is practically dead to me too. My mom and dad are like stone walls. I can't have you become anyone of those types of dead either. That's why you just need to stay away, and stop-" He motioned at me and my body, "stop this."

"I'm not going anywhere, Logan. And what do you mean stop this? Stop being me?" I was battering him with questions hoping he would become frustrated enough that he would c***k and be pressured to give a straight answer.

"Yes, stop being you. Stop tempting me." His hands went to his hair, tangling up the skin and bones into the locks of his beautiful boyish hair. They tugged at the ends painfully, I could tell, but it seemed that was what he intended; what he wanted. Pain. Pain that distracted him from... from me?

I sighed my head hiding in my hands for a second as I processed this. But who was I kidding? I didn't think I understood half of this conversation to process even the beginning of it.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever got involved with you in the first place." He looked sincere as he said it and the shallow, I-hate-myself-for-this look wasn't hidden from me. He turned his back on me, throwing a glance over his shoulder once before he began to walk away.

"No. Stop running away." I said barely above a whisper. He slowed down slightly in his walk, but not enough. He kept going towards his house, leaving me and my hammering heart behind.

I wanted to cry, because this- this was rejection. But it hurt even more to know that it wasn't the type of rejection that happens because they don't wan't you; it happens because they're scared and won't risk anything to climb over the rock wall of their fears. But the water that I thought would fall from eyes didn't come. So, I stood still and dumb-looking in the middle of the sidewalk, halfway between our houses. I guess I hadn't made it that far in my walk, and our conversation hadn't gone anywhere either. I hated him. I hated him for all of this. But I didn't, still in my heart I didn't. And that would always be the problem.