Lethal Friends

The Truth

I eyed him from across the cafeteria. Autumn had come over to check if I was alright a few minutes earlier, but still he hadn't turned around yet or even glanced once my way.

So what did you actually mean? He had said that was going to leave me alone, but then he said "damn the consequences". What am I supposed to make of that? Uggh!

"London! Are you even listening to me?" Kayla was staring me straight in the face. Oops.

"Yeah, honey, you've been out of it all lunch. What's going on?" Ryan asked.

"Oh my goodness no one told you yet?" Jordan said, the realization dawning on all of us just then.

Ryan's head swiveled to stare at each one of us in turn. I shrunk back guiltily. How could we all forget to tell him? His entire demeanor just sat there with a 'well?' expression all over it, waiting for an explanation.

Kayla jumped to it in her usual fashion. "Well you see, Logan dragged London to Autumn's birthday party Saturday night, at 3 am. Yeah I know that's how we all felt." Ryan's face looked incredulous like he couldn't believe I had agreed to something like that. I just looked down at my milk carton and stirred my straw quietly.

"Then, this guy who apparently was a part of the whole g**g thing with Logan and Adam and all that drama, showed up at the party. Of course London not knowing who he was started to talk to him- actually I think he started to talk to her, but it doesn't really matter does it?- well he got her a drink but he drugged it- of course. I mean, how much do we expect out a guy like that? And Logan brought her home, but Adam was furious, because well, duh. And Adam made Logan swear he would stay away from London. And he agreed- willingly."

Yeah that part sucked. Big time. I realized now, sitting there it that stupid plastic puke-ish coloured cafeteria chair, that I really considered Logan a friend, even if I had always wanted to deny it, and constantly flipped back and forth on admitting it. And the part that none of them knew was that, Logan had left his window open after he left, as if he was still open to me. He had even heard every word I said to Conner, and had said those words that I had thought meant more than I guess they actually did.

Ryan looked at me pityingly.

"Do you still not know? I mean you can't stop staring at him sulkily. It's like you've been banned from your favourite toy."

What? Know what? I gave Ryan a look.

"Nope, she's still completely oblivious." Jordan said looking at my face long and hard, as if he was searching for some sort of fact to counter-act their statement.

"What?" I said throwing my hands up.

"I think you're going to have to figure this one out for yourself, sweetie, sorry." Kayla shook her head a little as she spoke.

I moaned, frustrated with my friends, Logan, and this situation. I wanted my friend back, and it hadn't even been longer than a couple of days. I tried to distract myself and checked my phone. Nothing. But what had you been expecting? A text from Logan? If he won't talk, why don't you try to talk to him then?

Dang, I hated myself when I convinced myself into doing something I knew was a terrible idea.

I clicked his contact, and then messages, my thumbs getting in place to say and send something.

'Hey, please don't ignore me. I want to stay friends.' I didn't know what else to say, but even as I pressed send I knew it sounded clingy and desperate. What else did I have right now? I couldn't talk to him at home, Adam was always there watching me like a hawk, and Jordan was at school doing exactly the same. After everything blew up the other night, Jordan listened to all the explanations and decided Adam was right. I was headed on a path of destruction with Logan in my life, just like last year as Adam had.

I was starting to notice Jordan seemed a little too easy to be convinced of things.

I looked up at Logan, ignoring everyone else at my table seeing what he would do. I could tell he had heard a noise. He picked his phone up off the table where he had laid it down earlier upside down and paused once he saw the name. Even his mouth stopped chewing his sandwich for a moment. Finally, he threw a short glance over his shoulder my way. I gave him my best pleading puppy-eyed face.

He barely responded to it though, not even looking at me longer than a second.

His fingers started to move. He was going to answer!

'Don't.' That was his reply. Don't. Really?

'Why not?' I wasn't going to stop.

'I can't.' Why were all the words of this conversation so simple, yet everything was still so complicated and such a mess?

'What happened to damning the consequences?'

'That can mean more than one thing, London. Don't make it more than I meant to be. Your always reading into things way too much. Stop.'

'But come on. We're friends, you can't just turn you're back on your friend can you?'

A little voice popped up inside my head. He did with Adam, didn't he? He can definitely do the same with you. He did almost admit he only started talking with you for revenge on Adam.

I fought the urge to smack myself. I loved the fact that I was just so optimistic. It helped me out so much.

'It's not safe. I'm just going to end up ruining you, or hurting you. I've done it before and Adam knows it, he can tell when I might do it again. And I'm not going to risk that. Not when it's someone I care about.' My head flew up from its bent position over my phone as soon as I read the text.

This time Logan was looking at me, and it was lasting longer than a few seconds. I could tell now he looked exhausted and beat up. He was still black and blue from last weekend, and his eyes were bloodshot, but it looked more natural than d**g-induced. The corner of his mouth turned up hopefully. But then he looked me over from head to toe, still sitting in our chairs halfway across the room from each other, and his small smile dropped. It was like he was saying no, but I didn't know exactly to what.

'What do you mean you've done it before?' I had a gut feeling I knew.

I saw his shoulders sag. 'Meet me in the west wing's courtyard. It's always empty at lunch. I'll tell you there. I don't want to say it over text.' I nodded not even bothering to look his way again.

"Guys, I think I need to get out of this room. I mean Logan's here and I just need to leave, and you know be alone for a bit, think things over."

They all nodded, completely unaware that I was headed somewhere with the guy I was claiming to get away from. Now whose oblivious?

********

I sat on the bench tapping my foot on the mossy stones beneath my feet. He needed to get his sorry a*s over here now. I bit my lip worryingly as I sat, my hands curling and uncurling around the edge of my seat.

What if even after he tells you about whatever he wanted to, he still doesn't want to stay friends?

The doubts were circling in and around my head like vultures, and I wanted to swat them away like the little annoying black flies they were. They were little but they hurt when they bit.

I stared down at my palms, overthinking this all way too much. Then I heard footsteps, and I looked up to find Logan coming this way.

He had his classic black coat on, the cuffs undone as if it was the coolest thing in the world. But although he looked normal, his body was sending strong signals of nervousness and fear.

"Hey." I smiled a little hoping it might calm him. He barely reacted.

"Sweetheart." He nodded his head my way, but the words felt so empty rather than the witty tone they usually held. He came closer to lean against the tree that sat a little to the left of the bench facing me.

"So what do you want to tell me." His hands immediately went up to his mouth, and he rubbed his face as if he couldn't believe he was going to let these words past his lips.

"Once I tell you this you have to swear to me, on all satanic ice cream, flying sea horses, and blue cheesed devils, that you will not tell a soul anything." I let a small smile slip out on to my face at the mention of all my funny small sayings.

"Deal." I was ready.

Logan took that as almost a sign of permission, and so he moved away from the tree and sat down beside me, legs spread far apart like guys always sit, and hands clasps together hanging in between them.

"Elliott. The boy whose name is in my tattoo. The boy who was my little brother. The boy who though I was a good role model." He started.

I held my breathe. This was about Elliott?? If he was going to stay away why would he finally tell me about his brother?

"He was also the little boy that followed me and Adam to Ryker the very day that we upset Devin, and pushed him too far." Logan couldn't look up. This was hard for him, yet he was still going to tell me. I was glad he could trust me. "Elliott always wanted to do what I did, and when I told him that this time, going to Ryker's that is, he couldn't- he didn't take it well. He ran off, and no one knew where he went. My parents weren't home at the time and I just figured he had hidden somewhere in the house because he was mad at me. Turns out he followed me."

I wanted to comfort Logan, I wanted to so bad, but if I did would that stop the story? If I did would I derail my only chance of getting back Logan as a friend, and finally learning about Elliott?

I took a chance. I placed my hand gently on his hunched over shoulder. Logan paused, his back stiffening, muscles tense, not saying a word more. Shoot I screwed it all up, I was so so so stupid.

But then he relaxed, letting out a long breath. I really hoped that did help. He had to know by now, I was here for him in whatever this issue was.

"So, I don't know how- I'll never know I guess- but he made it to Ryker's house. Adam and I had frequently been buying drugs off of Devin. Mostly for fun; we weren't hooked or anything. Partying and such, hooking up others too that sort of thing. But Devin started to raise the praises, and slowly it got to be too much, he demanded more and more money faster and faster, and I needed time to get it. I couldn't pay up front that day and so Devin got pissed. He told me I could do a job for him. It was twisted, so messed I couldn't possibly do it. After I said no Devin literally flipped out, pushing everything off the table, flipping the table itself upside down and started to come after me. Adam thought I said yes, by the way, it's why he hates me."

Just then we both heard a shuffling noise and the sound of skittering rocks. I jumped up. I wouldn't ever get to hear the whole frickin story would I? Please go away before Logan gets scared and runs off.

Knowing he had been heard, Ryan, of all people, revealed himself turning around the corner he had been hiding behind.

He hung his head, before, as if waking himself up, looked accusingly at me.

"You're not supposed to be talking with him, Lon." He crossed his arms. What was he my mother?

Logan sat frozen on the bench. I think he was worried Ryan knew part of the story now. I jumped up walking over to Ryan. I would fix this, and I had to be fast before Logan unfroze.

Whatever is the matter, please please don't be as stupid as that squirrel from ice age, who always seems to be running.

"Ryan, please this is super important to me, I need to talk with Logan right now. I know he's apparently bad for me, but I think he's admitting why. I have to know what he's trying to tell me. Ryan, please please please do me a huge favour and walk away as if you never saw anything."

He melted at my second puppy-pleading face of the day. He shook his head at himself, as if this was a stupid decision for him, and for me.

"Alright, okay, but only because I hope this helps you recognize what you're so oblivious to." I shook my own head, still thoroughly confused by what my friends were trying to make me aware of.

He walked off, never even looking back, and refusing me an explanation for my obliviousness. I ignored it and turned back to Logan sitting down beside him, a little closer this time.

"No one else can hear this okay? So I'm going to shorten this up, wrap it up quickly." I nodded, at least he was still going to tell me.

"After Devin got angry, so much as I've never seen before, I knew I had to get out of there. I ran outside, but I found Elliott standing on the porch just getting ready to either climb in the open window out front or knock on the door, I'm not sure which. Of course, I freaked. Him being there made it so much worse, and he had just made himself a target for Devin to get back at me. I yelled at Adam to keep him at bay, told him Elliott was here, and he tried. But what is one guy, compared to an angry d**g lore and two goons? Not much. And even after I hopped on to my motorcycle stuffing Elliott in front, trying to get him home, or somewhere safe, they weren't far behind me, chasing after on their own motorcycles."

"So, Elliott was involved in everything that went down last summer?" I had to know for sure if this was what Adam was a part of too, if it was all part of the same event. If there was even more...

"Yeah," Logan rubbed his forehead, covering his eyes. I gently grabbed the hand, showing him I was okay with seeing him with emotions. He didn't have to hide his feelings; to feel was okay. He looked down at our two hands, considering it, considering whether to pull away or not. But he made no indication of moving, and instead looked up to my eyes, his own blinking rapidly. He gave me a small smile. A real small smile. Did he feel that tingling too?

"Devin and his guys were merciless. They chased me and Elliott all the way down to the edge of town. Then they ran into me, on purpose. And they hit me on my back wheel no less, causing me to swerve and fishtail. I lost control, London, I lost control. And I crashed the motorcycle." His voice was barely above a whisper, and I swear he was having a hard time swallowing. The hold on my hand tightened as he squeezed it. I was beginning to get it now.

"I crashed right into the side of the road, into a tree. Elliott was sitting in front close to my chest, and we headed for that tree... we headed straight for that tree. And we crashed into it head on, the front the first thing to met the thing- Elliott the first to met the thing." A single tear slid down Logan's face, and he squeezed his eyes shut refusing to look at me, but more so to stop the memory playing over and over too vividly in his head. I had to hold back my gasp, and my other hand I couldn't help but let cover my wide open mouth. Some tears of my own were collecting at the corner of my eyes.

The bell rung over our heads, neither of us moved. Instead our hands strengthened their hold on each other.

"The back end flipped up and my back hit the tree, I broke a few of my vertebrates, but I healed fine. It was Elliott. Elliott died instantly."

Then everything was quiet. I didn't say anything, neither did Logan. How could anyone go through that, and still even bare to look at Devin. No wonder he was so pissed when he saw me with Devin. He was the one who had introduced Logan to the d**g and caused everything to spiral down until it came to this. But one thing did occur to me that I didn't quite get.

"But wait, if Adam thought you said yes to that job, whatever it was, how come you haven't told him that you actually said no?"

His hand slipped out of my own, and suddenly it felt so cold, so very cold. He sat up straight, the tear now disappeared, even its trail, from his now neutral visage.

"Because, don't you see, London? I deserve to be hated. I killed my brother. And that's why we can't be friends. It was all fine when we were at war, I wasn't going to let things get out of hand, and after all we were always at each other's throat. But things changed London, and you being you... I can't, otherwise you'll get hurt."

"Logan, that's ridiculous! You did not kill your brother. That b****y Devin did, you couldn't stop them coming after you. And I won't get hurt Logan." He didn't even listen to the rest of my sentence once he heard I disagreed. He stood up looking down on me as if I was stupid. He was over powering now, too dominant for my liking, so different from his normal behavior.

"No, London. I started all of it. I went after those drugs. I didn't stop. I knew I had a little guy at home following my ever step. But I did nothing. NOTHING, London, nothing, to stop myself from going after it. And what happened? It led everything further and further down a dark path that could have only led to disaster. And it did." He stopped a moment, looking like he was going to say more, but he didn't. He just shook his head and backing up slowly walking away, he whispered only two more words.

"Stay away."

I started to get up but as soon as the words reached me I sat back down. I let my shoulders sink and I let my body lean over until my elbows sat on my knees, and my hands pressed against my forehead pushing my hair back.

I couldn't lose him I just couldn't.

But, why? Why couldn't lose him? I hadn't known him that long. And out of all the things we did together it was mostly pulling pranks on one another.

That's when I sat up the rampage of a thousand thoughts and emotions swarming in my head like bees, fading away to let a single clear thought focus in the front of my mind.

I was such an i***t. No wonder my friends called me oblivious. I liked this dumb-a*s. I liked his frickin a*s right off his title of being dumb. And while he always looked tough, he was crumpling inside, the death of his brother eating away at him. Well he wasn't the only one who had lost something a year ago. We both needed help. We both needed each other.