THE ALPHA’S SALVATION

Silence always felt safer to Elara Voss. Not because she wanted to be quiet, but because everytime she dared to hope, she was always cruelly reminded by her world that she had no place in it. Elara stood at the far edge of the training ground, where she could go unnoticed by everyone else. Holding herself together tightly as if it could stop the hollow feeling in her chest. She could hear the laughter echoing from the training ground as wolves trained in pairs with fast and instinctive movements. The crowd cheered as a girl shifted mid motion with her wolf’s energy flashing through her eyes like liquid gold. The only thing Elara could do was watch, she never participated only watched. She tried to cheer the girl but she just couldn’t. There was always this feeling she felt, it felt like jealousy but it wasn’t jealousy because feeling jealous could only mean she still believed it might one day be hers. This feeling was heavier, something like grief. Grief for something she never even had. “You’re staring again” Maris said from behind her. Maris the one person who always made her feel small. Elara didn’t turn immediately, she could already sense the smug and amused expression waiting for her. “I just like to watch the training” she said softly “Do you?” Maris said with a tilt of her head ‘Or do you just watch what you’ll never have’ The words didn’t need to be said, but her eyes conveyed them anyway. “I’m not bothering anyone” she said “That’s true, you never do” Maris said with a slight smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Those words hurt so bad, but what hurt more is she didn’t know how to reply to such mockery that disguised as truth, so she didn’t respond at all. “Nineteen, no wolf, no shift, no voice in your head, that must be so sad” she said with such pity. “But you still come here everyday, why?” Maris added. Elara wished she knew the answer to that question. Maybe because staying inside felt like disappearing. Maybe because watching reminded her that she was still alive. Maybe because if she stopped coming, she might accept what everyone already believed, that she was nothing. “I just want to understand” Elara said softly. “Understand what” Maris said with a small laugh Elara opened her mouth to speak but rather closed it, because how was she to to explain her emptiness to someone overflowing with life. Before Maris could say something intimidating again, another voice cut through the air. “Enough!!!” Tarin her brother said. This brought relief and embarrassement to Elara. Tarin stepped between them with tense shoulders and sharp eyes, looking at Maris like he was already deciding how much trouble she could cause. “Leave her alone” Tarin said. “I was just talking” Maris said with raised eyebrows. “Find someone else to talk to” Tension hung between them, then Maris shrugged. “Relax, it’s not like she’s important enough to ruin my day” she said while walking away. But the hurtful words stayed, even after she was gone, even after the noise of training resumed. All Elara could do was stare at the empty space Maris once stood on. “Don’t listen to her” Tarin said softly “I’m not” Elara said But that was a lie. She always listened, even when she tried not to. Later that night, Elara tried to sleep but she couldn’t. All she could do was lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet house around her, and the familiar rhythm of home. And inside her, there was silence. No whisper, no pull, no presence, nothing. Just silence. Every wolf was supposed to have two voices, the self and the wolf’s voice. But Elara only had one. And sometimes it felt like even that was fading. “Why?” she whispered. “Why is this happening to me?” But the silence didn’t answer, it never did. She heard a soft knock at her door. “Elara?” Her mother called for her “Come in” she said as she sat up quickly, while wiping her face. Lyra Voss entered the room slowly, and sat beside Elara on the bed without speaking, just looking at her. “You didn’t eat” she said gently. “I wasn’t hungry” Elara said Lyra didn’t push, instead she reached out and brushed Elara’s hair behind her ear. “It happened again today” she said softly Elara didn’t answer, she only looked down and that was enough answer. Her mother sighed quietly while pulling her into an embrace. That was when Elara broke, not in a loud or dramatic way but rather in a quiet way. Like something inside her had been waiting for permission to fall apart. “I don’t understand, I’ve tried everything, I’ve waited, I’ve done everything right. So what more should I do?” She whispered against her mother’s shoulder. “Why am I still empty?” Lyra held her tighter “you’re not empty my child” she said firmly, while rubbing her back. “It feels like I am” Elara said while quietly sobbing. Silence passed. Before Lyra spoke again. “Maybe you are not missing something, maybe you’re just not finished yet” Elara closed her eyes, trying to believe that. But hope was always dangerous when one had gotten disappointed too many times.