Just Start All Over

    Where do I start? Currently I am 22 years old and in a government building signing paperwork. Soon I'll be dead. I won't be dead for long, but I won't be who I used to be anymore. I won't even share my name now since it won't matter in two hours. Who knew I'd be one of those people I couldn't understand before? Just a few months ago I could never understand why anyone would want to use a restart. Hell I barely understand why I'm doing it now. All I know is I can't be me anymore. I'm failing school badly, my fiancé was cheating on me the whole 5 years we've been together with who I thought was my best-friend. How could I have been so wrong?     A short woman with a sleek platinum blonde ponytail calls my name. I guess it's time for me to go. I follow her through a cold unforgiving hallway. It's too bright and empty for my comfort. It makes sense though. Not many people choose to restart. As children we were always told that it was a painful and scary process. I'm really hoping that was just our teachers trying to scare us. We get to big stainless steel doors and the woman faces me.     "Here we are Ms.-"     "Please, I would rather not hear my name anymore." I interrupted her.      She nods knowingly and asks if I am absolutely positive about going through with the restart. I nod as tears well up in my eyes. I can't speak anymore my throat feels like it's closing up. She pats my shoulder and looks at me with all too knowing eyes. I'm sure she has gone through this too many times for her liking. She opens the doors for me and leads me to my room.     "I can have a mirror brought in if you'd like to look at yourself one more time."     I shake my head. I don't want to identify with myself anymore. I don't want to be reminded of my dead parents when I look at my face. I don't want to see my ex-fiancé's arms around my body. I don't want to be reminded of the scars I shared with my best-friend.     "Ok, well your operation will begin in 30 minutes. There's a pen and some paper on the desk in case you want to let anyone know. Just address the letter so we can send it after." She says while giving me another sympathetic look.     I wonder how many people she's seen through this process. I wonder how many people have actually written letters. A million questions run through my mind but nothing comes out of my mouth. My throat feels so dry and a sob wracks through my body as the woman closes the door behind her. I don't even bother with the letters. I don't want anyone to know I'm restarting. For the next 30 minutes I just lay inn the bed and stare at the ceiling. I have no more tears to cry.     A man wearing a mask opens my door. I can't see his face and it's a bit disarming. I can't see his face at all but he's very tall. My best guess would be he's 6'4. He's tall and lanky. He doesn't say anything just motions for me to follow him. It's all very odd. I don't mind the silence since my throat is still dry, but it still makes me a bit uneasy. He takes me to another room that looks like a home theater with one chair. The man motions for me to sit down and presses a few buttons on the wall. An infomercial starts to play.     "Hello! Welcome to the ministry of New Beginnings. As you know our government founded the technology to allow citizens of our great nation to restart their lives."      An attractive brunette couple appears on the screen. They both have those smiles that are meant to be comforting but end up being eerie.     "Restarting is the process of uploading your memories to one of our secure servers and transplanting them into a completely new body for a fresh start. The process is completely free thanks to our wonderful government! Every citizen in our nation is entitled to one free restart and in extreme cases they may even get two."     That's right, most things in our nation are free, but that also means we have less choices. I've never heard of anyone who's had more than one restart though. To be fair I've also never met anyone who's had a restart to begin with. The government has three cities set aside just for people who have decided to restart. I'm not sure if they just never leave or if they're kept there. They never really talk about what happens after people restart.     "Once you restart you may choose one of the three cities the government has set aside for citizens just like you. Once there you will receive a welcome packet and a tour of your new city. Thank you for choosing to restart at the Ministry of New Beginnings. Enjoy your new life!"     The screen flickers off and the tall masked man is back. I follow him down another hallway to an operating room lobby. A nurse comes out to greet me and give me an outfit. I go to the bathroom to change into the white long sleeved shirt, white pants, and hospital socks. I put my old outfit in the chute and wonder where it goes. When I walk back into the lobby the nurse is waiting for me. She quickly ushers me into a closet with a frenzied look in her eye.     "Please don't do this! You don't know what they do with people who restart. There's no coming back from this!"     "What are you talking about?"     "I can't talk for long, but if you do go through with this at least help me once you're on the other side. Please? We can't let more people suffer through this."     I look at her for what feels like 20 minutes thinking she's just crazy, but I bite.     "Fine I'll help you, but what am I supposed to do?"     She looks at me a little relived.     "Don't worry about all that I'll find you once you get there, but you need to choose Joy as your city."     I nod agreeing. Joy is the city closest to the coast and border surrounded by mountains. I don't know how that benefits her, but it's too late to back out now. She leaves the closet first to make sure the coast is clear then knock to let me know it's safe to come out. Shortly after the doctor comes and takes me back.     It doesn't take long for the anesthetic they gave me to kick in. Everything is black and for a brief moment it feels like I'm floating. I can't feel my body anymore and it feels like I've been suspended in nothingness for hours. I know I'm almost done when I feel like I'm in my body. My new body. My eyes start to flutter open and I can hear the faint beeping of machines around me. It's cold in here and I can't move yet.