MY DEATHBED LETTERS

As I am sitting here, in my small crib in the streets of Azula, I remember you. Your smile, your voice. But most importantly, I remember how you made me feel. You see, what I had for you was real. I never really understood your decision, and probably I never will. You broke my heart in a way that I will never be able to forget. And I am asking myself, what did I do to deserve such pain? Was I so wrong about deciding to give my heart to you? Should I have walked away the day that we met? I am sorry to pop in here uninvited. But what happened between us was unfair. I see you have moved on. I heard you are doing so well and maybe you have fallen in love again. But here I am, still trying to wake up in the morning without tears on my pillow. I saw you losing interest in me. It was obvious. Just a little bit difficult to accept.! It was either of the two. 1. There was someone else. 2. The feelings just died a natural death. But in all. I had still hoped and prayed that you would figure out how I felt about you. And choose to stay!  But each time I looked at your eyes. Each time I thought about you and monitored the changes. It was obvious, you didn't feel the same!  My heart drowned a few times!  I cried and cried and cried.  But then I figured something even more painful!  "The more I kept on addressing the situation and explained how I felt, the further I pushed you, you lost interest even more". We started well. It was all fine and mutual. But we kind of lost connection somewhere in between!  You got distant. Away you went! Physically and emotionally. So many times I have taken my notebook. Trying to write about you, But I ended up crying and stopped. Because I remembered your response. Every time I send you a paragraph, In a tone that pained me, you would say "I can't read all of this, sorry." So my fingers went numb and i stopped writing!  But today I finally got the courage. Even though I know you might never read this in time, or at all! But I decided to write for myself.. to tell you THAT "The pain you inflicted upon me, was inhumane"... Now I accept I might have loved you a bit too fast or too deep and, on the other hand, you weren't really ready for us, I can't blame you! But I had hoped you would say it soon before I fell too deep in your love, that never even existed. We are not cut from the same cloth and that's just fine!  You were never satisfied or moved. No matter how I hard tried! When I was in front of you i believe you felt something.. not love, but something that made me feel good at least.  As I'm writing here I'm still trying to find my way out!  Unfortunately, I didn't mark my steps while coming in. Now I can't trace my way out!  But I'm trying!!!! And even though I know it might take me a long time to get over this. And I probably might never forget!  But I'm humbled to have been part of you. (If at all I was). And i do hope! We might cross paths again when the light at the end of the tunnel is visible again!.... I had hoped you'll be the one to make this stop since you started this up. But it turns out I'm on my own. There's something missing in my end. It Hurts knowing I'm not the one your heart needs. I hope you never feel how i'm feeling now. I won't forget the way you're kissing and that beautifull smile And how you made me feel when you were infront of me, One thing that i know and i'm sure about is that these feelings will last for so long.  I wish to see you again somedays. Just not now, perhaps when I'm completely healed. Bye for now. It's me, ME.