Let Your Heart Smile

Chapter 1“Where’s your arm?” Niki looked down at the little kid who’d asked the question, looking up at him with big eyes. It was hard to be mad at kids, he thought, especially the little ones. They were only curious after all. “Hush, dear,” the mom said, looking embarrassed as she side-eyed Niki. “Don’t be rude.” The parents on the other hand…they could be a bit annoying with their pitying looks and condescending chatter. Niki didn’t reply, he simply picked off a balloon from his little cart and offered it by its string to the kid. The balloon bobbed in the air as the kid took hold of the string. It advertised Draganov’s Flying Circus, as that’s what Niki was doing out in the town anyway: promoting the circus. He was dressed up in his Cho-cho the clown outfit, and thanks to the outfit he didn’t even need to talk to anyone. Not verbally, anyway. “Hold tight to that balloon, dear,” the mom prompted the kid. “Now, what do you say to the nice man?” The kid looked at Niki again with an expression like they weren’t too sure what to make of all this, but Niki was used to that now. Some kids even broke into tears at the sight of him. Apparently some people didn’t like clowns. “Thank you, mister,” the kid murmured. A small smile tugged at Niki’s mouth, but the kid probably wouldn’t see under all his clown make-up. He pressed the flower on his lapel instead, making it twirl around with a comical whizzing sound. Kids always liked the flower. This earned him a grin from the kid, so Niki decided to offer them a couple of reduced price ticket stubs for the show. The circus was opening tomorrow, and they needed to advertise. “Oh, thank you,” the mom said, a somewhat dubious expression on her face. “Can we go, mommy?” the kid asked. “Can we?” “Maybe your father can take you,” the mom replied. “Come along, now.” They left, and Niki waved to the kid being pulled away. He’d noticed that some parents didn’t seem to like him much, and he thought it was more to do with his rolled up left sleeve than him being dressed as a clown. Or, maybe the combined effect scared them, Niki wasn’t sure. Clowns weren’t scary, though. But then Niki had grown up in and around the circus, so he was used to them. Anyway, time to get back to the grind. He pressed the button on the musical box atop his cart, so it started the pre-recorded roll up, roll up music designed to entice any kids within earshot to come closer. Niki had balloons, paper flowers, and tickets to give to any interested parties. He looked around at the small town square, bustling with people going about their errands or shopping for groceries. Most of the adults ignored him. A couple of kids pulled at their parent’s hands, wanting to come investigate, but the parents wouldn’t let them. Not for the first time, Niki felt awkward and kind of embarrassed to be standing around dressed like he was (a clown) and still have people ignore him or avoid eye contact with him. It hadn’t always been like this, but this was how it was now. C’est la vie. * * * * After spending most of the day in the town center trying to get folks’ attention, Niki’s relief came when Yuri and Nadya (the knife throwing and juggling acts) took over for him. “How’s it been?” Yuri asked in Bulgarian, tying a dozen new and colorful balloons onto the promo cart. Niki shrugged limply. “That good, huh.” Yuri laughed. “You go on and have your supper, Niki. We’ll catch up with you later.” Nadya unpacked her bag of juggling clubs, and handed three to Yuri. They were both dressed up too, but in more layers than their usual ringside spandex costumes: they had on tasseled leggings and matching jackets with fringes on the arms, all in their trademark colors of lilac and silver. “I left some casserole in your trailer,” she told Niki, smiling at him. “Should still be warm when you get back.” Nadya had a key to Niki’s trailer, as they’d known each other a long time and she helped out with odd jobs for him since the accident. “Thanks.” Niki smiled back at her. “Have fun. Try not to club any kids.” She stifled a laugh as Yuri scoffed, “That was one time!” Niki left them to their juggling act, the sounds of the roll up, roll up music fading as he walked away. They were better at attracting interest for the show, especially Yuri as he was naturally very jolly and kids liked that. While Niki just…well, he didn’t really have the same enthusiasm to goof around. Not anymore Niki hadn’t always been a clown. He used to be on the rigging team: one of the people who put the circus up and pulled it down again each time. Niki had done all the physical jobs, even worked his way up to coordinating the other rigging staff. The accident had happened nearly two years ago. While erecting the big top in the Midwest, a storm had swept in suddenly and ripped up a lot of the tent and its poles. The circus had been lucky that nobody had died that day, but Niki hadn’t been so lucky when some equipment fell onto him and he ended up losing his left arm. It was bad luck, considering there hadn’t been an accident that bad at their circus for at least twelve years. But it had happened to Niki, and after that and all his recovery time, he couldn’t do the same sort of physical work with only one arm. He still helped out to co-ordinate the rigging jobs when it was all hands (no pun intended) on deck. But when those main jobs were done, Niki had needed something else to do, so he’d ended up trying things out whenever an extra man was needed. He’d sat in the ticket office, he’d done the touting out in towns, he’d even mucked in to clean out the horses as best he could. But the one job he hadn’t expected to stick, clowning, was the one job he ended up with. So now he was a clown. Niki walked back to the circus, camped out in a nearby field. It was the same space they used whenever they came into this town on their annual tour, and it was a good time to come as summer was just getting started. The evenings were warm, and the light lasted well into the evenings. The security guard at the gates let Niki through, and he was back inside the sanctuary of his home: the circus. The tents and lights were all set up and switched on to advertise they were in town. No sounds or music yet, that would come tomorrow night when they opened. Tonight was Niki’s favorite time, when it was quiet and peaceful, with the pretty lights all around him glowing in the twilight. He walked to his trailer at the back of the field and let himself in. He toed off his clown shoes and left them by the door, then hung up his bowler hat. Next, he unwound the tulle ruffle from around his neck, or he wouldn’t be able to eat his food. The dish of casserole that Nadya had left was on the counter in his kitchen space, covered with tin foil. There was a foil wrapped bread roll to go with it, and Niki unwrapped them both so he could eat. He was very grateful to his circus family for looking after him. But as he sat down to eat dinner alone, he felt not for the first time that something was missing from his life, and he found himself longing for more.