My own journey

I'm 24 years young. Have 3 kids and pregnant at the moment. Being happy now with my life is the most wonderful thing I could have never ask for anymore. But before being this happy I had to struggle to get where I am now. It was painful hard and well you can say it was hell as well. I'm married to the guy I've met while working when I was 6 months pregnant with my second child.  You can say I wasn't happy with the one who got me pregnant and yes he is the father of both my first and second child. I didn't wanna stay home and look at him cause yeah I didn't had any feelings for him anymore after my first child was born. I had told him that I don't feel anything for you anymore so why not break up? Well you know how boys or men can be when they have something or someone who gives them the goods but still don't appreciate everything we woman do right? He comes with his sweet loving sugaring words making me believe him and give him a second change thinking he might change for good. Well yeah you guest it he didn't after I gave him a second change. That's why when I found out I got pregnant again a few months after my first born I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't do anything like looking for a job or any kind of work so we could take care of our baby. No mister is sleeping whole day and in the night he parties with his friends leaving me alone with my daughter. We used to live with his grandmother so he had no worries cause she was the one taking care of the baby's food any other things that the baby needed. Okay! Let me put all the confusion aside and tell the names. My ex and the father of my first baby and unborn baby is Damian and is grandmother well let's call her Granny. My first daughter name is Grace. How about I start over again from the very first beginning on how I met Damian shall we.... I was 19 years when we met and he was 26 years. It wasn't planned to be together in a relationship with each other. We were just hanging around having fun until one night he was drunk and texted me to be his girlfriend. At that time i didn't finished my school I was already working being responsible for myself not even bothering any of my parents to take care of me. So yeah that night he was so drunk that he sugar coated everything that I wanted a guy to say to me. And so stupid of me I believed him so easily well you know when you want something and they give it to you you gonna grab the chance right. Well that's what had happened. I knew he was drunk but still I went with him and Yes I did regret it after being with him. He had a terrible past like really terrible past. God knows why I went with him in the first pace. I mean come on nobody gonna tell you what he did or didn't do the first few times we met right? After two weeks being together with each other he wanted my name tattooed on his arm and yeah he had a lot of exes name on him. So we went to a tattoo shop and got my name printed on his arm but luckily not my real and full name. I think up to date he don't know my real and full name. Lucky so right? I got to know his past and his story after I came to know his Granny. I knew at that moment that I would regret my up coming decisions with him. I should have left him when i had the chance to but yeah what can I do when I just found out I got pregnant. I tried everything to get rid of it but nothing helps yeah yeah I know why not do abortion? Well I didn't had that lot of cash and no I didn't had any doctor papers on me. Well doesn't matter nothing was helping so yeah I stayed with him. His Granny did everything for us like giving us money food shelter yeah she was the one taking care of me while I was pregnant. Instead of Damian who got me pregnant. And to tell the truth I wasn't living my best life with him. Sometimes we had to sleep on the street cause his Granny was living with her daughter which was not on good terms with Damian. So yeah we sleep by Granny when her daughter is not home or on vacation. Finally we had a place to stay but it wasn't really a home that I should call it. It was more of a small hut. I stayed mostly inside cause I wasn't really feeling well during the pregnancy. Damian was the one doing everything like cooking cleaning washing dishes even our clothes. And I thought I'm so lucky to have a guy like him who knows how to do these woman's job. But than I realized he hasn't gone to work to provide us food or the things we might need. No mister was staying home whole day and if his friends calls him to go party he goes leaving me alone. When he returns from partying he comes during morning hours drunk too. Sometimes it makes me so mad that I wanted to finished my life but than I had to think about my baby who didn't do anything wrong. Luckily when I feel upset or angry I used to talk and my belly just to be calm and think positive for my baby's future sake. Sometimes when Damian comes in the middle of the night I'm just pretending I didn't hear him come home so I let him sleep outside for the rest of the night. But that didn't teach him a lessons. Nope it doesn't. He kept doing those things that I didn't deserved while being pregnant of his child. I felt disgusted and unhappy and only hate I could give him. I don't even like it anymore when he touches me or when he wanted s*x. Every time when he wants s*x I lied that I'm not feeling like it or that my belly hurts. I really couldn't stand it when he's next to me or any where near me. I know I shouldn't be like that or have those feelings but come on if you me and you saw how he is you would too. My parents didn't like the idea me being together with him in the beginning especially my dad. He disliked Damian so bad that he didn't give us the blessing to be together. I wanted to return to my dad but I couldn't face him of how right he was for telling that Damian wasn't meant for me. So I stayed with him till I gave birth to my beautiful daughter named Grace. Why Grace you may asked? Well!! Remember the time I said that Damian printed my so called name on his hand? I went with him and got his first letter of his second name on the back of my neck. I wanted to put his full name but I knew I wouldn't last that long with him. So yeah that's why I named my daughter Grace. So when people asked what does the letter G means I just say my daughter Grace. Funny huh how things turns out the way you didn't expect it to happen. Well that's how life is you can't do anything about it now can you?