Alpha's Regret After My Death

Chapter 6

My eyes pop open.

My body hurt everywhere, like it’d been put through an industrial dryer. I felt like I’d had a weird dream… but it was foggy, hard to remember. I feel like I’d been talking to someone, but who? It was nagging at the back of my head, that they’d said something very important to me.

Rubbing at my head a little, I sit up, swinging my legs to the side of my bed.

The sound of the wind rustling the trees… the way the air smelled, it was all too familiar. It was scratching at something in the back of my mind.

Only then did I realize I was in my childhood bedroom, the one nestled in the walls of the Selene temple. Cream colored, bumpy walls and ceilings, a twin bed with tons of pillows and blankets. My vanity, scattered with pens and papers, a few cosmetics I’d been gifted by…

I quickly move to stand in front of my vanity mirror.

And then it all hits me at once. I meet eyes with me… but not me. Young me, sixteen years old. My hair is much shorter, my eyes still young and bright. My cheeks are slightly flushed with a youthful glow, and stance not as confident.

“Whoa…” I mutter, reaching up to touch my face. My conversation with the moon goddess was coming back to me now.

She had really done it. I was back, sixteen years old again. The quiet emptiness in my mind told me I didn’t even have my wolf yet. What a weird sensation, being totally alone. I looked away from myself finally, taking in my surroundings.

Suddenly, I remember someone. Someone who had been a rare comfort for me in my years here, the only person who was ever really kind to me. I was a bit of a social pariah, and was often met with less than kind treatment.

I rush out of my room, down the hall, taking the steps down to the main level two at a time. It was weird, I hadn’t been in this temple in years, but I could still remember every twist and turn. I even remembered to skip the bottom step, because it was crooked and had claimed many victims, myself included.

It was like I had never even left.

I huff to breathe a little as I reach the bottom, taking in the Hall of the moon goddess. It stretched the length of the temple. There was a gorgeous, handmade rug leading up to a large marble statue of the moon goddess herself, and high pillars on the sides, leading you to her feet where we’d pray to her every morning before beginning our chores.

I still remember my daily routine here, still remember how much I hated having to kneel at this statue's feet and pretend to pray to her for an hour every morning. Considering what the moon goddess had done for me, now it felt a little petty how annoyed I’d been to be missing out on an extra hour of sleep. I made a mental note to pray to her more often, speak to her and keep her updated. I had no idea if she would actually be listening, but I at least knew for sure she was real now. That was enough.

“Well, someone is awake early for a change.” I flick my eyes to meet the slightly wrinkled ones of the woman I’d been after, a devoted lady in waiting to the goddess named Annabel.

Stupidly, I feel tears welling in my eyes as I run to her, not caring about the bewildered expression on her face as I wrapped my arms around her middle and crushed her in a hug.

“What has gotten into you today?” She huffs, pushing me off her a little by the shoulders. She actually looks a little worried despite her annoyed tone as she stares down at me.

I suck back the tears that were welling in my eyes and try to compose myself a little. Didn’t want her getting suspicious, though it’d be a thing of magic if she guessed what I was going through right now.

“I would’ve thought you’d be sulking, given the news I gave you last night.”Annabel sighs.

I furrow my brow, trying to think of what she could mean. But how could I? My head is filled with memories of my past life now, I have no idea what she was talking about.

She seems to sense my confusion. “Have you forgotten, you will be returning to your parents pack today. You had better be ready, because someone will be by in a few hours to collect you.” I blink a little, the realization of what day I’d been brought back to sinking in.

The day my fate as Ryker’s mate was locked in.

Now I remember what she was talking about. I remember the night she had come into my room, last night for her, almost ten years ago for me.

I remember her telling me an up and coming Alpha was in need of a mate, and since my sister was currently already “loaned” off to another Alpha, I was the next best thing. Basically. She hadn’t said it just like that, she was always very considerate and thoughtful, but that was the jist of it. I was being forced to come home to fill a role they needed me for. I was technically the daughter of an Alpha, so I was expected to do stuff like this without complaint, because it was my “place.”

My bond with Ryker had been born from necessity and generations of sexist expectations from the very beginning.

I’d always known that, obviously, but as time went on and we had formed a real connection, I had pushed that fact to the back of my mind. I’d let myself forget that this had all been an arranged situation, and that this role would have been filled by my sister had she been available. I hadn’t even been the first choice for this.

It’s ironic that Ryker and I were the ones connected, tied together, when it seemed my sister and him were the ones who couldn’t be kept apart.

“I’ll…. I’ll be ready.” Is all I say to Annabel, who is looking at me with growing concern in her eyes.

“Did you not sleep well?” She asks, clearly not convinced by my words, cupping my cheek with her hand. I found myself leaning into her touch, appreciating it for the last time.

There was something else I remembered about this day. This was the last time I ever saw Annabel. She died a few weeks after I left, caught something from a beggar she’d stopped to feed. She had already been older, and the sickness took hold of her, taking her life in a matter of days. I hadn’t even been told until months later, so I’d never even gotten the chance to say goodbye to her on her deathbed.

“Maybe we should postpone your departure until tomorrow…” She mutters, moving her hand to touch my forehead as though she was checking for a fever.

I shake my head quickly, taking a step back. “No, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I'm just… sad to be leaving.” I give her a sad smile and she looks a bit taken aback. I was never the affectionate one while I was here, I remember giving her plenty of trouble and lip, but never really showing her warmth or love back.

But she always cared for me anyways. In spite of the entire reason I was here in the first place, and the judgment that came from everyone else because of it. She didn’t care that I was an alleged w***e’s daughter, or that my pack basically kicked me out for not keeping a better eye on my mother. Because for some reason that was the job of a seven year old.

“I’m going to go get ready.” I say, giving Annabel one last smile. She nods, still looking at me like she was waiting for a second head to grow from me.

I wanted to stay here with her for a little longer, I can’t lie. The idea of postponing my departure was very tempting.

But I was sent back for a reason.

I had revenge to get. I wouldn’t lose sight of my new purpose.