Alpha's Regret After My Death

Chapter 5

The soul-tearing pain consumed me, and everything around me faded as my body grew more and more transparent. I wanted to scream, but it felt like a massive sponge had devoured every sound, leaving me trapped in silence.

Suddenly, a blinding light pierced the darkness above me. Even though I was already dead, the light was so intense, so commanding, that it forced my eyes open.

I looked up then, and met the golden eyes of a woman I had no doubt in my mind was a goddess of some kind. She had lovely, silver hair that shone like threads of silk under the moonlight. It seemed to glow like a halo around her head, and hung almost to her hips. Pale, cream colored skin that almost seemed to glow. Her dress was made of silvery threads, and hung in pools at her feet.

I swallowed thickly as she approached me, not daring to move an inch. I found myself holding my breath as she reached out, gently placing a finger under my chin and lifting my face a bit more towards her. Even up close, she had no flaws. Not even a pore on her nose in sight. She smelled like honeysuckles and vanilla, a weirdly warm and comforting smell that I almost found myself leaning into.

“Do you know who I am, child?” She asked in a soft, sultry voice.

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of it, and two words popped into my mind. Maybe it was my instincts telling me, maybe it was something else, but in that moment, I knew that the woman standing before me was the moon goddess.

The thing of legends, the topic of mass debate. Was she real? Did she really have control over who your mate was? Why did she so often match bad people together if that was the case? I had so many questions for her, but selfishly, the only one I could think to ask was,

“Why would you make me mates with him?” I ask in an annoyed tone, my brow furrowed.

She chuckled, moving her hand and taking a step back. “Another dissatisfied customer, it seems.” She murmurs.

I huff, getting a little annoyed at her flippant attitude. “That’s a gentle way of putting it. Ryker broke my heart in half, and then stomped on it. How could you think we were meant to be together?”

I want her to give me a reason, a list of all the shitty things I’d done to end up with a mate like him. I wanted someone to make sense of it to me.

She shrugs a little, and I narrow my eyes. “Do you even care? That you so often seem to make people miserable with your baseless pairings.” I continue.

She smiles a little at me, a knowing look in her eye. “You are quite the tenacious woman, did you know that?” She asks.

I still a little, considering her words. I guess she was the literal moon goddess, and I was kind of talking to her like a brat. I hadn’t considered it before, but what if she was in charge of what happened to me next? Maybe sucking up to her a little was worth it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-”

She holds her hand up, shaking her head. “Do not fold on me now. I quite enjoy it. I don’t often get such… critical feedback.” Her lips curled into a thoughtful smile.“Besides, it convinced me of something.”

I raise an eyebrow, cautious but curious.

“I think I’ll give you another chance.”

“Another chance… what do you mean?” I ask, crossing my arms. I could feel a bubble of hope forming in my chest, but I didn’t want to give into it too much just yet.

“Just as I said.” She stepped closer. “Each of my children, each werewolf, is born with a trial they must face and conquer. Some trials are of loyalty, some of leadership, some of honor. Yours, Lucia...” she paused, her golden gaze piercing into me, “was to endure the bittersweet agony of love."

A lump formed in my throat. She continued, her voice soft but firm, “You failed your trial, and even lost your life because of it. But considering you devoted yourself to me for ten years, served faithfully in my temple, I believe you are worthy of a second chance.”

I sucked in a breath as she went on. “I will send you back to the age of sixteen. Before the threads of your fate twisted so cruelly. You will have the opportunity to change your mate, to conquer your trial, or be doomed to repeat it in lifetime after lifetime.”

My mind reeled. All the old teachings had said the Moon Goddess dictated who your soulmate would be. Yet now she was telling me... the choice was mine?

“How am I supposed to do that?” I whispered.

“You must change your story by your own hand.” Her eyes softened. “Fate binds you and Ryker, but it is not unbreakable." She paused, giving me a long, measured look. “But know this, awareness of your fate is a heavy burden. You cannot unsee what you will learn. Regret can be a crueler companion than ignorance.”

“I… I want you to send me back.” I finally say after a moment of silence. “I hate the thought of having to be bound to Ryker for any more of my lives. I want another chance. I want to show him and my family that I’m not some bratty little kid looking for attention.” I say, glaring at the ground. “They’ve always brushed me aside, always acted like I was some…disgrace.” I scoff, anger rising in me. “Well that’s bullshit. I refuse to let that be my legacy.” I turn to look at her again, and I see her smiling warmly at me.

“Good girl.” she says, turning to face me. She moves to stand behind me, and I turn with her to keep facing her. “Remember how you are feeling now. Perhaps I shouldn’t be encouraging such behavior… but I can see it in you, Lucia. You are meant for so much more.”

She says, reaching out and placing a finger in the center of my forehead. I feel the press of her touch—warm, electric, final.

Before I could react, before I could even breathe, the world tipped out from under me. I’m falling backwards, right off the edge of the space we’d been standing on.

I grab at nothing as I fall, my eyes wide with panic. The Moon Goddess peers down over me, time seeming to slow as she waved a little, and mouthed a, “Good Luck.”

The world around me blurred, and I felt like my body was being pulled down by some unyielding force, into a shrinking hole surrounded by nothingness. Panic flooded my chest as I watched it close in on itself, the moon goddess’s smiling face waving at me being the last thing I saw as I left this life.

And then I was slipping into darkness, hoping against hope I would be able to do what I needed to do to get my revenge for what had been done to me.