Chapter1
"No! no!! please don't,"I struggled in between rumpled sheets "Please don't do this."
I kicked and pulled but Donald's grip was dead tight, sinking me into the old wooden bed.
"You would like it cheery, I promise you."His voice rasped and cocky with a breath that ricked of alcohol.
"Please Donald, let me go!"I tried pushing harder on his chest this time but was sent back with a loud clap on my face, hitting my head on the wooden side of the bed that rested on the wall.
"Ssshh!"Donald covered my mouth "I said be quiet!!"He said, ripping off the cotton gown I wore, leaving my breast exposed to his irritating look of desire.
"Please…"I sobbed as he covered the swellness of my breast with his hungry tongue.
I let the tears roll down my face as I realized no one was coming and how long the pains of the night would last.
*******
"Yes, I know honey, One in the morning two at night."Mama breezed in like the wind, her laughter echoing from across the rooms.
It was obvious she was talking to one of her many suitors, so why was she loud?
"Okay, baby."She continued "I will call you as soon as I land, I love you too."With a shared kiss over the phone that seemed like it was never going to end, she dropped the phone.
"Hey there, I didn't see you around,"She said, trying to sound convincing.
I turned from the sink and looked straight into her eyes, trying not to break down even before she asked what was wrong.
She wasn't a great mother, and I never considered her as one. She was always on the move to God knows where and with God knows who, but was never seen settled in a place with me.
After Papa abandoned her, claiming to be fed up with the whole marriage turned to bondage, she had no reason for existing, not even for me.
I watched as she turned into a shadow of herself. Bringing home numerous men, staying late at night, smoking and even stealing. She had gotten arrested once for taking jewelry at a*****e and it left a mark on me as everyone in my school called me 'Sticker Fingers daughter' afterwards.
"Is anything the matter?"Her eyes were cold, less interested. I knew she didn't care about whatever I had going on with me.
But this once, maybe just this once she would feel my pain and finally take me into her arms. I searched her eyes with tears in mine.
"He r***d me, Mama"I let out a sob "He r***d me."I buried my face in my palm, the excruciating pain from last night replaying itself, making me sob even harder.
'…just this onemama…just this once show me that you care for me.'
I had thought the painful news would somehow spark something in Mama. But Mama's response stopped me dead in my tears.
"And what should I do with this information?"
My eyes grew wide in disbelief, startled and frozen at the same time, I watched as Mama sat down by the dining, taking out a pack of cigarettes and lit one.
"What is wrong with you!?"I screamed at her, tears still dripping from my face. "How can you not see my pain? What did I ever do for you to neglect me so much?"I felt my chest tighten at the last sentence that left my mouth.
"What did I do mama?"My voice turned into a plea.
Mama stood up and walked towards me. She was quiet for a few seconds as she searched my eyes, and in those slight moments, I saw her answering my question…..
'everything Lizzy, everything '
"Not a word about this to anybody, not even your aunt,"She pointed her cigarette at me. "You hear me?"
Donald had said the same words to me last night after making me feel like filth. I stood in awe as Mama continued with her words that were almost fading away in my ears.
"I am not taking you back,"She was shaking "You are a grown woman now, you have to watch out for yourself."
"Your aunt has been kind to keep you in her house and also feed you,"She continued "Do not be unkind by spewing such nonsense."
I stood still as I watched Mama throw her cigarette into the sink and walk out the door carrying a big piece of luggage and a shoulder full of regrets.
******
I lay on my bed with my eyes wide open. Nights were becoming my most dreaded time of the day. But this night would be different, Aunt was coming back today.
The loud sound of the door closing jerked me up to my feet. I ran out to see if Aunt had stepped in but saw Donald instead.
"Where's Aunt?"I asked in a frightened voice.
"She had a little bit of delay,"he smirked "So I guess it's gonna be me and you again tonight."
I moved backwards "St-t-ay back,"I stuttered.
"Common cherry"Donald unbuckled his belt moving towards me. "We don't want you bleeding again like the last time, do we?"
If anyone was going to bleed that night, It was going to be him alright.
"My sweet sweet cherry"His toneless voice threatened my confidence.
'Not now not now….'
I waited as I watched his gradual steps create tension in my body.
'Now!!!'
I raised my hands as high as I could and struck the heavy lamp stand I grabbed on Donald's head, leaving him staggering for vision as blood covered his eyes.
I ran out of the house into the cold nights, not stopping but constantly turning. My legs gained speed I never knew they had.
'You are a grown woman now…,' Mama's words came rushing back 'You have to watch out for yourself…' Breath increasing, I ran and never looked back.
