I've Always Wanted You

FIVE YEARS AGO "Cassie, are you packed and ready to go?" mom yelled from the trunk of the car. "As ready as I'll ever be." I mumbled to myself while fingering my earbuds between my thumb and index finger, not really paying attention to her. "Hey, why the long face?" she asked. She grabbed my chin so that I was looking her in the eye. I rolled my eyes. "Maybe because you got married on a whim to your high school boyfriend and I didn't know till after the wedding. And on top of that, now your making us move in with him." I pushed past her walked to the passenger side of the car. The back seat and trunk were loaded with everything we could carry, our mattresses were belted down on the roof. I wasn't sure how the car was going to be able to hold everything, including us without making the tires go flat. Mom sighed before turning around hopping in the driver seat. "I know you're upset sweetheart, but it's not like I married him without thinking about it. I love him, and I think I always have. You'll understand when you're older." The car rumbled to life before mom put it in reverse and backed the car out of the driveway. Away from the house I grew up in, away from the only home I had ever known. "Bull crap! You love his money which you only found out about after you went out on a date with him a few weeks ago." I barked at her. If love was about money, then mom was a few million deep in. The car was silent and I almost felt bad for snapping at her, for judging her. We had always agreed that our relationship was a safe zone where no judgement took place. Mom decided this once she realized that I was going to be a teenager soon and didn't want us to have the kind of relationship where we don't talk about things. As if I was gonna tell her when I finally chose to have s*x or drink alcohol or do drugs. "Well I'm sorry you feel that way Cassie, but we're moving in with him and his son and that's final. I need some happiness in my life too." I put my earbuds in and turned my music all the way up. We passed the seasonal carnival that goes on every year around this time. I rolled the window down and could smell the popcorn and cotton candy. I could feel the nausea that creeps in after not waiting long enough to ride the Ferris Wheel of the roller coasters. And I could see dad giving me piggy back rides to each ride even though the walk from each ride to the next weren't but a few feet away from each other. He had only been dead a year. At first, it didn't affect me that much. Mom even made me see a few counselors because she didn't think I was "grieving" properly. She cried for weeks after the funeral and took one too many days off work. After a while, I was the one whose grades were dropping and whose room had to be re plastered painted from numerous holes in the wall and mom was back to work looking put together as always. She even started dating again eight months later, but she still wore her wedding band. I guess she hadn't let go of him completely yet, something I was happy to see. My head fell from the window and I gasped. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands as a yawn escaped my mouth. The car was pulling into a perfectly paved driveway that led to a two bedroom house with a balcony that wrapped all the way around the front. A man was sitting on the porch in cargo shorts, a blue button up shirt and flip flops. He was smiling ear to ear and waving at mom. He waited until she parked the car before walking over to the drivers side and opening the door for her. The man pulled her into a kiss before pulling away. "Good afternoon, wife," he said. Megan giggled before replying, "Good afternoon, husband." Ugh. I rolled my eyes before stepping out of the car and walking around back to grab my suitcases. I wasn't wasting any time with introductions. I couldn't care less about this guy or his son, and I certainly wasn't letting anyone replace dad. "Cassandra! Come over here and say hello to Danny." mom called for me. I groaned before walking around to the front of the car holding my suitcases. "Hi, Cassandra. It's nice to finally meet you." He stuck his hand out for me to shake and I just looked down at my suitcase. He put his hand away and looked over at my mom who just smiled at him apologetically. He cleared his throat. "You know, I can have someone come out and get your things for you. I'm sure you want to just relax after the long drive." he said. "Thanks, but no thanks. I can manage." I said as I walked past mom and Danny and up the stair of the porch. "Oh, and it's Cassie," I said over my shoulder before I walked through the house. I stood in the living room looked around, examining the tan L shaped couch and navy loveseat. There was a flat screen tv hanging up along the wall with an entertainment center sitting below it with a few dozen movies inside the shelves. There were paintings of waterfalls and sss's hanging up on the walls and a small chandelier hanging from the ceiling. "Are you Miss Cassandra?" A woman's voice called out behind me. My body twitched as I turned to look at her. "I'm sorry to have frightened you. Are you looking for your room?" she asked with a smile on her face. I just nodded my head and she grabbed my suitcase, leading it and me up the stairs to an empty white room. There were two glass doors, hidden by thin white curtains, plated with brass to hold them together and a gold painted handle to open them with what looked like a small private balcony behind them. A cherry wood bed frame was already set up and there was a vanity directly across from the bed against the wall with an elegant Victorian looking rounded chair. The floor was plush white carpeting and made me want to throw my shoes off and walk around barefoot, feeling the soft fabric between my toes. "This is your room, Miss Cassandra. And I am Camila. If there is anything you need, just ask." she grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. It felt reassuring, almost motherly and I smiled at her slightly. As she turned to leave the room I called out to her. "Oh. It's Cassie." I said in a low, almost shy voice. She just smiled and nodded her head before walking down the hall and back down stairs. I walked over to the closet and turned the light on. There were three two walls full of space to hang up shirts, dresses, and pants and the wall directly in front of the door was full of little box like structures which were meant for shoes. There was a full length mirror on the same wall and a puffy foot stool sitting in the middle of the closet, probably meant to be used to sit on to make it easier to put shoes on. I walked out of the closet and over to the glass double doors and opened them, the fresh air hitting me in the face. I walked over to the edge of the balcony and looked straight out. The beach looked only a few blocks away and I could see the carnival rides which meant the strip wasn't too far away either. I heard my mother’s laugh and looked down to see Danny picking her up and spinning her around. I caught myself smiling slightly. It's not that I don't want her to be happy, I just want her to be happy for the right reasons. I don't want to pick up and move again in another couple of years because things just "didn't work out" or whatever. I heard the door shut and looked away from mom and Danny to a young boy with dirty blond hair wearing the same cargo shorts as his dad and flip flops. I could see his sun kissed skin through his white tank top. He held two boxes in his hands as he started walking up the drive. He stopped walking suddenly and looked up, scrunching up his face in response to the harsh sun, right at me. I felt my eyes widen and I ran back inside my room before shutting the doors and leaning against them. Why was I hiding? I don't even know him. I shook my head and walked over to my suitcase. I unzipped it before throwing it open and rummaging around for my laptop. Not that I had anyone to report to back home to that I had made it to Florida safely and not gotten caught in a Texas Chainsaw m******e movie on the way. I did, however, need it to look at funny cat videos for the next two months until school started to get me through the move and this new so called family. I ran downstairs calling for mom. I was too busy looking down at my feet as I ran that I accidentally ran into Danny at the end. "Wow there. What's the rush?" he asked before chuckling slightly. "Oh, um, have you seen my mom?" I asked him, a bit irritated that he was blocking my way around him. "Yeah, she's in the kitchen. Follow me." I followed him to the kitchen where only my mother but could be seen from behind the refrigerator. Danny smirked before calling out my mothers name. "Megan. Cassie was looking for you," he said. Mom stood up and turned around. "Yeah, sweety?" she asked me with a smile on her face. "Mom, have you seen my laptop? It isn't in my suitcase," I said. "Did you check your duffel bag? I'm sure you brought it with you," she said as she pulled out some packaged hamburger meat and vegetables. "Okay, I'll check the car." I turned to leave the kitchen until mom shouted for me to wait. "I want you to meet Danny's son first before you get too settled in. Will you get him, honey?" mom looked over at Danny. He nodded his head. "B, can you come into the kitchen real quick. There's someone I want you to meet." Danny yelled and it ricocheted around the room. I heard the padding of shoes on the hardwood floor and then a shadow approached the entrance to the kitchen. The boy from outside walked in and looked over at Danny. "Yeah, dad?" he asked. "This is Megan's daughter, Casandra," he said to the boy. My insides burned when I heard my full name. I hated it. The boy nodded in my direction. "Hey, I'm Braden." he said. "Cassie," I replied.