Perfectly Unexpected - Finished

Chapter ten - News

I was showing the tiniest bit. At only 12 weeks pregnant, my normally flat stomach bumped out just a small amount underneath my belly button. You couldn't tell if you didn't know me well.

It was my first day back at work, I was cursing the fact that most of my wardrobe was bodycon dresses that left nothing to the imagination when it came to the shape of my body. I chose a royal blue one, but still noticed the small bump. I prayed I was the only one who knew my body well enough to notice.

I grabbed my phone and my nausea medication. I was anxious about going back to work. Would Sam talk to me? Would he ignore me? Would it drive another stake through my heart – the same way it did when he left me?

I was feeling a little better. When I had my ultrasound the day before, showing what actually really looked like a baby, I had no more regrets. I was resentful on Sam and even though I missed what we had – I could not miss someone who had wanted to throw this baby away. I couldn't miss someone who could look at me and tell me that I wasn't worth the trouble. I couldn't miss someone who would run away from his responsibilities. I couldn't miss someone who held his daughter every night and think that his second child was less worthy of life only because of who their mother was.

I walked into work, answering questions about my absence with vague answers, thanking people for their concern. I walked right to Daniel's office for some courage. Daniel had really been my strength in all of this. He had listening to a lot of my complaining, and lent a shoulder through all of my crying.

“Hey... you look good!” Daniel said with a smile.

“Thank you. Can you tell...?” I asked, gesturing to my stomach.

“I can, not sure many others would think much of it.”

I thanked him and took a deep breath. I focused on the sound of my heels clicking through the firm as I made my way to the hall our offices were in. Sam was sitting in his office, leaning back in his chair. Do I smile? Wave? I couldn't decide the appropriate behavior, so I gripped the folder I was holding tighter and tried to ignore his gaze.

We barely spoke all day. When I went to his office for something, always work-related, his eyes would drop to my belly. He could tell. I hoped it hurt like hell to see his child growing, no thanks to him. I couldn't quite make out what he was thinking, and decided to assume he was regretful. Either of us all together, or of his behavior. I decided not to speculate which.

On the drive home, I knew I needed to call my parents. My heart beat hard against my chest, too fast and almost deafening. It took me several moments to decide to call.

“OK ARI... Call Mom.” I said to my car.

“OK. Calling Mom.” The ringing began until a familiar voice picked up.

“Kassie? Sweetie? Is everything alright?” My mom said into the phone.

“Hi Mom... no.” I said.

The flood gates opened and I sobbed as I told her everything. I told her about Sam, and about how he was married, how I was so stupid to even get involved with him, how much I regretted our time together and wished if anything I'd left it at a one night stand because this was so much like when Jack left me. I told her about the baby, about Sam wanting me to get an abortion. I told her that I couldn't do it, that I loved the baby and sang quiet songs to it all day long when I was home alone, how I had made my own silly promise to it that I would protect it. I told her how hard it was to be without Sam. I told her I had no clue how to take care of a baby and that I barely knew how to take care of myself. I told her I didn't want to do it alone, I didn't want to be alone. She listened without speaking for a long time, so long I didn't know if she had hung up.

“Mom... are you still there?'

“I'm still here... I'm taking it all in... He left you to take care of the baby alone?” 

“Yes.”

“You can take him to court. You can at least get financial help.” She told me.

“I know mom, and sure, money will help, but I don't know how to take care of a baby. I don't think I can take care of the baby alone.”

“Why don't you come home? Let us help you.”

“Maybe...”

“Not to add more stress, but I need to tell you something.” My mom's voice dropped.

“What is it, momma?”

“Your dad. He was diagnosed last week with stage 3 liver cancer.”

Now it was my turn for long silences.

“Why didn't you tell me?” I gasped out.

“He didn't want me to until we had another meeting with his doctor. He didn't want you to worry. He didn't want you to feel like you had to put your life on pause and come be here. But if you're thinking about coming home anyway, I want you to know.”

By the time I got home, I had enough tears for the entire year. The night was no different.