Daredevil Riders

89

If she said yes, well, that one was easy.

If she said no? Things would get complicated.

We’d never even discussed marriage, not really, and we hadn’t said the word love aloud. But I knew her, even by her own admission. I knew she loved me. And that would be enough for me.

But it didn’t hurt to ask.

As long as she loved me, I could take no for an answer. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to.

She’d noted once that I knew what she needed before she needed it, and this was just another case in point. We were a match, and I didn’t believe there was a single thing life threw at us that we couldn’t handle. If we’d survived all we’d been handed so far, we could survive anything. I’d happily spend the rest of my days making sure she was happy. Because my reward was her. It was my family. It was my child and our future.

theaella had asked me for forever, and that was something I could provide.

Something I’d do anything to provide.

And all I had to do was ask.

?

theaella I trotted down the stairs with a smile on my face, looking for my mother.

Matt had left me that morning, sated and calm and more peaceful than I’d been in what felt like forever. Honestly, it might have been ever.

We were on the same page, exactly and perfectly. Forever was here. We had arrived.

And the peace and comfort that knowledge gave me was beyond measure.

By the time I’d come out of Matt’s room last night, looking for my mom, she had retreated to her room, the baby’s room put back exactly as it had been, exactly as promised. My guilt had plagued me to nearly knocking on her door—a boundary I was typically hard-pressed to breach—but I’d caught myself, heading back to my bedroom where Matt waited for me, shirtless and reading a book about the Roman conquest of Egypt.

This morning, I was glad for the time, thankful for the reset of sleep. For the first time in a long time, I felt like everything was going to be okay. Better than okay.

It was hope, alive and thrumming in my heart.

“Mom?” I called, rounding the corner into the living room.

But she was nowhere in the common space. Around another corner and to her room I went, pausing outside her door. Fleetwood Mac played softly in the room, the scent of incense drifting under the door and into the hallway.

I took a breath and knocked.

“Come in,” she called through the door, and after smoothing my skirt, I reached for the doorknob and did just that.

She sat on her bed, looking forlorn, her Mucha tarot deck in hand and cards laid out on her comforter. She offered a small smile.

“Hey, theaella ,” she said softly.

“Hi, Mom,” I answered, closing the door behind me. I moved to the bed, sitting on the very edge so as not to disturb her cards.

“How’d you sleep, honey?”

I hated that she’d asked about me when I’d been so awful to her. “Fine, thank you. I looked for you last night, but you’d already gone to bed.”

“I just felt so awful, theaella . Once I set the room right, I took a long bath and thought about what you said.”

“I shouldn’t have said so much. You were only trying to help, and I was ungrateful and hurtful. I’m sorry, Mom.”

But she shook her head, setting her cards down. “No, it’s me who’s sorry. You were right—I had no right to move things around, and I can’t seem to foresee when I’m going to do the wrong thing. It’s just that I convince myself time and time again that I know what’s best for you, and that if I can just show you, you’ll see. I try to bend you, but I wind up breaking you instead.” She sighed, straightening the deck with her eyes on her hands. “If I’d really thought about it, I’d have known. But I was so sure of myself that I didn’t.”

“Mom…”

“Forgive me, honey. I…I’m going to try harder. I promise.”

“Of course I forgive you,” I said. “Will you forgive me?”

“For what? You didn’t do anything but put me in my place, which I think I needed.”

“I was irrational and cruel. I know you were trying to help.”

“Well, best-laid plans of mice and men. No matter what we plan for, there’s always a chance it’ll go wrong. A good chance, I’d say.”

I chuckled. “A good perspective to keep in mind. My interview for the research position is today.”

At that, she lit up. “Well, that explains the cards. The deck says you’ve got good things coming. The Empress is abundance, the nine of cups is a wish coming true, the ace of pentacles says an opportunity is coming. I think today is going to be lucky for you.”

I sighed, but I found myself still smiling, if for nothing more than she believed in me. “We’ll see how it rounds out. Have you heard from Dad?”

Her smile faltered, something about her shifting incrementally into sadness. “Yes, he’s called a few times. But I haven’t answered.”

“What happened? You never told me.”

“Well, theaella …for a long time, I felt like a ghost. He didn’t see me even though we were together all the time. It was like we were nothing more than roommates, without passion, without fire or spark. Just…complacent. It wasn’t one thing or another, just a drifting. I couldn’t seem to find him anymore. I was invisible. So I made myself disappear.”