In Another Life

I kneeled down and put the flowers on his grave. I traced his name engraved in his tombstone and smiled. I can still feel his warm hugs and kisses. His warm smile that melts my fears away. I know Karl is guiding me. He’s my guardian angel since then. I sat on the grass. Little droplets of rain tickled my skin.  Today is his death anniversary. I will never forget this day. His parents died a year after his death. No one remembers this day aside from me.  The searing pain in my chest that I felt that day—I can still feel it. I wasn’t with him during the last moments of his life and god knows how painful that was. My heart feels heavy. It’s been 2 years but he’s still in my heart. I love Luke but Karl is etched into my heart.  Tears ran down my cheeks. I started sobbing. I closed my eyes and felt the mild gust of wind on my skin. I opened my eyes and saw a pair of man’s shoes in front of me. I looked up and saw Luke’s poker face. "You drunk-called me last night. I was very worried because you were crying so hard." he paused and let out a bitter laugh. "I clowned myself for two f*****g years, Lia." he blinked several times to prevent his tears from falling. My chest tightened. I can’t bear to see him like this. He’s hurting because of me. I stood up and tried to hold his hand but he stepped back and avoided my hand. The look in his eyes, it’s pure hatred. Tears uncontrollably flowed down, blurring my vision. I can’t think of anything.  I crossed the distance between us and hugged him tightly. I wanna hug him for one last time. "I love you, Luke. I swear." I said in between sobs.  "Stop it, Lia." he said, trying to remove my arms wrapped around him. I stayed still and tightened my hug even more. "Please let me do this for the last time." I begged him but he resisted and pushed me away. I was thrown on the ground and my knee was scraped off from a stone. Blood trickled from it and stained my white dress. For a split second, I saw panic cross on his eyes, but it vanished quickly.  "I was about to ask you for marriage today. I thought you were the woman of my dreams but here you are, crying for him." I never said a word. No words could put out the flame of anger in him. I closed my eyes and listened our heavy breaths. I can’t stare at him right now. Not with his eyes filled with anger and pain. "Tell me, Lia. Am I the one you were thinking when we share kisses? When we made love in bed?" His words caught me off guard. I can’t move. It seemed like my heart stopped beating too. I slowly opened my eyes to meet his gaze. We stared into each other’s eyes, digging into each other’s souls. Finding answers to every question we have in mind. "Answer me, Lia." he said it like he was begging, desperate to hear the answers straight from my mouth. His jaw clenched.  "Are those I love you’s really meant for me?" That question was simple, answerable by 'yes' or 'no', but my brain seemed to stop working, not able to comprehend every word I heard. Even my tears stopped flowing. How can I answer him? When I, myself, don’t know the answer.  "I wasted 2 years of my life with you. Let’s free each other from this sickening relationship. Clearly, your stuck in the past. So how can we have a future?" he fished something from his pocket and handed out a small blue velvet box.  I stood up, straightened my skirt and tried to gather all the courage within me. I let out a deep sigh before opening my mouth to speak. "I’m sorry for everything, Luke. I’m so sorry. And thank you." I paused and tried my best to smile. "For loving me and letting me into your world. I love you, Luke....but I love him more." my voice was barely audible when I said those words.  I saw the box slip out from his hand. It made a sound as it fell above Karl’s tombstone. A tear escaped from his eye. And that tore my heart into pieces. He turned on his heel and walked away from me. My knees turned jelly and I fell on the ground. I can feel the drops of rain falling into my skin. Then I remembered the ring. My eyes searched for it. I picked it up and and slowly opened the velvet box. It was a sparkling blue sapphire, my birthstone. I took the ring and slid it on my ring finger. I smiled through tue tears, it’s so beautiful. I’ll never take it off. My phone rang. It’s Luke’s mom. I stared at the green button and breathed deeply before pressing it. "Good job, kid." she said with enthusiasm. I remained silent. I know she’s watching me from afar and saw the whole scene earlier. "It was a wise decision. If you don’t wanna mess up your future, never show up your face again. Leave this place for good. By the way, I wanna cut off all my ties with you. So instead of a scholarship, I’ll give you money. 5 million pesos, is that okay?" I don’t want to receive even a single centavo from her but I know I needed it.  "Yeah. Thank you." I said and turned my gaze on a white limousine parked a few meters from me. The glass is tinted but I know she’s looking at me. "Once you break your promise, consider your life done, coz I’ll make your life miserable. Remember that I can do anything. Don’t underestimate me, Lia." her voice sent shivers down my spine. I ended the call and stood up straight, and wiped away the tears from my eyes. This time, I’ll face the real battle, build my future and crawl up the stairs of success.