The Captain

The Guilt

Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

I probably would just stay in bed

Blackbear- Do re mi

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Previously: Right behind him, staring dead into harris' fear-filled eyes, was Lesley......

Harris' heart dropped to his stomach.

He stood there clutching onto the books and his palms getting sweaty. His heart was pounding so hard he was sure he could hear it.

He was afraid to look Lesley in the eye. What was he thinking?!! Why hadn't he just grabbed the clipboard and left?

"What are you doing at my locker?" Lesley's low growl made harris' breathing get more ragged. He was afraid to look up with his gaze fixated on the now seemingly interesting floor.

He felt ashamed of himself.

What made him think it was okay to do that?

"I... I.... I'm getting a clipboard for the coach." His voice was shaky and he couldn't help it. He wouldn't try to know what Lesley was thinking of him now. He was afraid to look into the boys eyes.

Lesley was silent which was bothering him. Isn't he supposed to lash out at him? That's very typical of Lesley right? But he wasn't saying anything and the room was dead silent now.

Harris dared and look up. Lesley had his gaze still fixated on him. Surprisingly Lesley wasn't wearing an angry expression or a hateful look. His face was blank with his eyes not moving a degree away from Harris. And his eyes, there was something about those brown orbs..... They held something. His eyes were filled with disappointment.

Lesley looked disappointed. For some reason that felt worse than all the hate looks Lesley had given him. So much that harris wanted to kill himself.

Lesley scoffed in disbelief and regret. He run his fingers through his hair and let them stay there. He shook his head and scoffed again laughing bitterly. His eyes began to wetting up as he watched Harris with the most disappointed look anyone could give you, and this freaked the hell out of Harris.

Slowly and steadily, Lesley took steps backwards till he turned around and walked out of sight.

Harris let out the breath he forgot he was holding. His widened green eyes staring after Lesley.

What had he just done? What was wrong with him? What in the first place made him think it was okay to do that?

And the worst part, when Lesley had looked at him like that. Surprisingly it felt very hurtful. Very.

Harris stood there feeling like a series of arrows had been shot through his chest.

And it hurt. An excruciating pain he couldn't put his finger to. He was disappointed at himself. Very.

This put him in a sullen mood the whole day and the day after. Lesley didn't show up in school worsening the guilt Harris was feeling.

Lesley continued not to show up the whole week. This was beginning to have a heavy toll on Harris. Harris wasn't even having the time to think about what he had seen in the brown package. Or maybe he did. He gave really hard unending thoughts about what he had seen.

What did that mean?

Was Lesley gay? That made absolutely no sense to Harris. Lesley would be the last person he would have thought, if he really is. But why did Coach Beck give him those? Did that mean the two of them were..... No no no no no.

Harris quickly debunked the thoughts. The imagery he was imagining was wildling. He quickly shut his eyes as if that could cleanse his brain and conscience.

"And what's wrong with you?" Fiona asked mockingly plopping down beside Harris at the island table in the kitchen. Regi was at the stove stirring up a pot of bean delicacy with their dad in his study doing god knows what.

It was a Saturday, five days after the incident, five days since Harris saw Lesley, five days he had been losing sleep.

"And god you look like shit." Fiona snickered grabbing an apple. Harris had sunken eyes and a very stressed out expression. His hair was peaking in all directions, the boy didn't remember the last time he combed it. Not when you spend 45 minutes in the shower thinking about something.

Harris simply brushed her of with his arms folded and his lips pursed into a thin line.

"I've been hearing you turn in your sleep sir. Is everything ok?" Regi called from the stove turning to look at Harris.

Harris brushed him of too. He knew regi would notice that. He notices everything.

"So you're not gonna talk." Fiona pointed out with her mouth full. "You're just gonna continue sulking like you've been doing for the whole week." She added with some pieces of apple flying from her mouth.

"Eiww" Harris groaned and threw a napkin in her face. "So much for lead cheerleader."

Fiona rolled her eyes and grabbed the napkin anyway. In school she was the clean and nicest girl. At home she was a bundle of messy mess.

She wiped her mouth and took another loud bite even with her mouth full. Harris grunted in frustration, he was trying to think in peace for Pete's sake!

"You know we are going to bother you till you speak right." Fiona poked his arm. "What? Girl troubles?"

Harris snorted. That would have been much way easier.

Reginald nodded from where he was agreeing to Fiona. Harris wasn't eating his beans if he doesn't spill the beans.

"Is it that Anastasia b***h again? God I hate that girl. She's slipping letters in your locker again? Do you know she went around the school last year spreading the news that you guys were together?"

"No Fiona. I didn't." Harris rolled his eyes replying sarcastically to the rumor that had been the talk of the school last year. He was sure even the bugs eating the school bleachers heard about it.

Fiona pushed her mouth into a squishy pout chewing groggily on the piece of apple. "God I hate that bitch." She whispered taking another bite.

Harris snorted and leaned unto the island resting his face into his palms. Why did he feel so affected by the issue anyway?

On the low he blamed himself for Lesley's absence. Maybe Lesley thought harris was going to tell the whole school and he wouldn't be able to handle it so he chose not to show up.

Did he stop school for good? Did he move states? Did he kill himself?

Harris groaned audibly leaning back into his chair. The suspense was killing him.

"Well someone is definitely f****d up." Fiona mumbled getting up to grab a plate. "You weren't even this troubled when dad took your car from you. Not even close to this when you got suspended. Come on harris, what's wrong? Are you on your man period or something? I dont know much about man-tampon shopping. What brand is your type?" She tapped her hand on her lip faking confusion.

"If one more word comes out of those lips of yours trust me Ina, I'm swinging you out of that window." Harris sneered.

"I dont think you are that pissed to do that Harris. You just called me Ina, my petname." She smirked. "And not evil queen."

Harris rolled his eyes and dropped his head on the table. The sweet smell of strawberry detergent soothing him.

Maybe he should just tell them. After all he needed some advice on what to do. He would ask them but won't let them in on the whole issue. Yes, he would do that.

"I need some advice." Harris spoke up.

"Well it's about time." Fiona said quickly dropping her plate and following Reginald to the table. They both sat opposite Harris and looked directly at him.

"Well, spill." Fiona said.

Harris heaved a loud sigh not knowing where to start. Explaining this was going to be tough.

"Okay so there is this person I initially didn't like and pretty sure I still hate..."

"You mean Lesley. Keep talking." Fiona smiled.

Harris face palmed. This was going to be much more harder.

"Well, yes. Yes its Lesley." He sighed. "We had been having our usual fights. I couldn't stand his smug face around me and he couldn't stand my smart mouth either...... Then......"

"Then....?" Reginald raised his brows in question.

Harris took a deep breath wondering how he was going to structure his sentence.

He was going to make it as vague a possible.

"Well.... I crossed my line and did something I shouldn't have done." Harris said sighing at the memory. "Now he probably wants to kill me."

"I thought he had always wanted to kill you.."

"That's not even the point Fiona!" Harris cried.

"Okay fine, relax. Dont go all bitchy on me." She rolled her eyes.

Reginald looked at them both and shook his head. "So what seems to be the problem Now sir?" The older man asked.

Harris leaned against the table thinking how everything thing seemed to be the problem. Absolutely anything he could think about. Anything at all. But then he decided to just mention the one he was most worried about,

"He hasn't shown up in school for a full week Regi. And for some reason I think its what I did." He said worriedly. "What if he jumped over a cliff or something?" Harris whined.

"Lesley would never jump over a cliff... Wait what you did was that bad?" Fiona asked.

Harris slowly nodded.

"But that wouldn't be enough to throw him over a cliff right?" Fiona asked again.

"You dont know him like I do Fiona." Harris pointed out.

"Oh so you know him now?" Fiona asked mockingly c*****g her brows.

Harris simply grunted and turned to Reginald for help. The man always had answers.

Reginald smiled warmly and interlocked his fingers putting a thought to all Harris had just said.

"Did he say anything when you did what you did?" Reginald probed.

Harris shook his head, "Nope."

An inaudible 'oh' escaped from Reginald's lips. This made Harris know things weren't good.

"And he hasn't shown up since then? You haven't seen him?"

" no regi."

Reginald sighed and pursed his lips into a thin line. "Do you have any information on him? Where he lives.... Anything at all?"

Harris' answer was still a negative. This made him realize how little he knew about Lesley. All he knows is Lesley was a captain at Diamond hills before transferring to Wolfhard high and drove a really nice car by the way. Apart from that nothing else.

"I think you should follow up on him. One week is a long time." Regi suggested.

But Harris didn't have any info of that sort about Lesley. Well there was one person he went to if he needs information on anyone, Fiona. His head quickly snapped to Fiona to find the girl already typing away on her phone.

Wow, that was fast.

"Okay so his birth name is Lesley lingard and he's 18." Fiona began reading the info she got from god knows where.

"He grew up in Cali before moving here two weeks after his dad died in a gruesome murder....... Oh." Fiona raised her brows and turned to look at Harris.

Great.

Now Harris felt like the devil himself. He had been giving Lesley a hard time not knowing the boy had lost his dad few months ago. By murder.....

Great, just great.

"Harris, Lesley has lost his dad." Fiona stressed looking worried. " and to murder... Oh my god the poor boy." Fiona covered her mouth in shock.

Harris felt terribly bad.

He hadn't realized such an asshole he was until today. Lesley had been right all along.

Slowly, Fiona tried to get over her shock and desperately tried to read as smoothly as possible, and as much as she could,

"Lesley is the only child of Mrs. Lingard who is now in control of her deceased husbands businesses. He is currently studying at Wolfhard high and living in a location undisclosed due to the unsolved case of his father's murder."

Fiona slowly put her phone back on the table. "Oh my god." She whispered covering her face. Reginald had on a gloomy expression and soothingly patted Fiona on the back.

And Harris, he wanted to kill himself. How could he have been so selfish and stupid? What was wrong with him? Why didn't he think?

He got up from his chair and silently paced around the kitchen. Cursing himself over and over again. When the thought of what Lesley might think of him now crossed his mind, his mood became so disturbed and distressed. He sighed and turned to Fiona,

"Hey can you find where he lives." Harris asked with a worried frown.

Fiona shrugged hopelessly, "This is confidential and the government has their hand in it. If I try to track him down right now they could track me back to my phone. I'm sorry I would help if I could." She smiled lightly.

Harris slapped his hand on his face and dragged it down lazily. There had to be another way. He needed to apologize as soon as possible. Maybe apologize for his existence as a whole.

"Hey you said wheeler called his mom when he was reporting you guys to your parents right?" Fiona asked.

Harris nodded realizing they could get wheeler to link them to Lesley's mom.

"Yh yh that's a great idea. Thanks Fiona." Harris thanked his junior sister and pulled out his phone to call Wheeler.

"Wait you are calling him now?" Fiona inquired.

"Uhh... Yes why?" Harris raised his brows.

"Why? Harris the man is a 60 year old with 4 kids, let him enjoy his weekend. You can get the number on Monday from his office, that would seem more respectful." Fiona suggested. "Instead of calling him during the weekend."

Reginald nodded in approval and excused himself to go watch the food on fire.

Harris sighed and slid his phone back in his pocket. He would get the number on Monday then. But then it was Saturday which meant 48 hours more.... 48.

He groaned and made his way up the stairs to his room. Fiona starred after her brother. Harris was changing. She didn't know what was making him change but unconsciously it was happening.

If it were to be last year he wouldn't had given two shits about who's father died. He would just drive around school being his cocky self.

But Fiona liked the changing him. It was nice, like he was actually caring about someone, aside herself and regi and their dad.

She smiled warmly and decided to do whatever she could to help him set this straight. She'll help him find Lesley and apologize. It was a small state, they'll find him.