Understanding Love

Chapter One - Natalie

Natalie had grown up in a world where technology and the white people's culture rarely scratched the surface. However, she yearned to live in that world because her world seemed so dim and bleak compared to a white person’s life. The white person's future was full of hope and success. In contrast, in her own understanding, she saw a Zuni's life destined for abuse of some form. She grew to believe that the people enjoyed their small-minded thinking and would never really accept her. That is why at a young age, she decided to do everything she could to become a white person.

Not in the literal sense of bleaching her skin to be white. Nor did she wish to have been born elsewhere. Natalie was a complicated mess of thoughts and feelings regarding her homeland. Deep down, she loved herself and her home. Her deep amber-brown skin and straight, thick black hair that she inherited because she was Zuni were appreciated. Her mind was grateful that her height stood at 5’2; many Zuni’s were on the shorter side.

She marveled at the beautiful landscapes of her home, such as the beautiful fields of swaying wheat-like grass. Bright open fields of sunflowers growing amidst thick hard to run through the sand. She’d gasp and revel in the powerful thunderstorms that shooked the skies with beams of bright light and booming sounds. She soaked in the smell of dirt and rain that came after such a thunderstorm.

However, Natalie's home life was riddled with dramatic complications, sometimes leaving her hopeless. There was a pit-like yearning inside the depths of her being; she wanted more than her world seemed to offer her people. Natalie yearned for the bright, hope-filled future the white person seemed to be born to. In her mind, all white people were gifted with wits and smarts that were beyond her. The Zuni’s held the white man in high esteem whenever they came to the reservation. There were given respect and authority without having to earn it, and Natalie wanted that. She wanted all the goodness that came from being a white person. Maybe that is why she always felt like she was destined to marry a white man.