Math and Doodles
958 Words
(Xena’s POV)
Gusto kong magtitili at magtatalon sa kalokohan kong sumakses pero I tried to suppress it.
Pagpasok ko sa room ko mula sa study room kahapon, hindi ako mapakali. Para akong baliw na nakangiti mag-isa habang nakahiga sa kama. Pero hindi ko rin alam kung bakit parang gusto ko ring magtago sa kumot at magpanggap na walang nangyari.
I mean—yes, dare lang ‘yon. Kiss sa pisngi. Cute, harmless. Harmless ba talaga, Xena?
Kasi bakit hanggang ngayon, parang nasa slow motion pa rin sa isip ko? The way his eyes shot open, yung slight freeze niya, tapos yung mukha niyang hindi niya alam kung magagalit ba siya o… natulala rin.
And the worst part? Hindi sya nagsalita ng kahit ano pagkatapos nun. Wala man lang “what the hell was that” o “never do that again.” Nothing. Just that unreadable poker face.
Which is, FYI, ten times worse. Kasi ibig sabihin, hindi ko alam kung iniisip niya pa rin ako… o kung wala lang talaga.
“Miss Xena,” tawag ng yaya ko mula sa pinto. “Dinner is ready.”
“Later!” sagot ko, mabilis na tinakpan ang notebook na hawak ko.
Kasi guess what? Instead of doing my econ reviewer, eto ako, nagsusulat ng short story about Mr. Serious Tutor.
Yes, I know. Pathetic. Pero anong magagawa ko?
Sa halip na numbers and charts, ang laman ng pages ko:
“The strict tutor who hides his smile but secretly cares.”
“The rival who makes me hate studying but also makes me want to win.”
“The boy with the sharp eyes na parang kaya niyang basahin lahat ng weakness ko.”
Nakakatawa. Nakaka-cringe. Pero masarap.
Parang sa pagsusulat lang ako pwedeng umamin ng totoo: na kahit nakakainis siya, kahit gusto ko siyang sabunutan minsan, hindi ko ma-deny na he’s already inside my head.
At kung hindi ko siya mailabas, baka mabaliw ako.
The next day, nagkita ulit kami sa study room. Normal na araw, normal na setup. Siya, naka-button down shirt na parang galing sa corporate meeting. Ako, naka-crop top at sweatpants. Opposites talaga.
“Ready for today’s lesson?” tanong niya, voice flat as always.
Pero pansin ko, hindi niya ako matingnan diretso. Laging nasa libro, o sa notes, o kahit saan except sa akin.
Oh. My. God. Naiilang siya.
Shet, ibig sabihin effective yung dare.
“Yes, Mr. Cat Ears,” sagot ko, sinadya kong i-bring up yung kahapon. “Or should I say, Mr. K-pop Singer?”
Napatingin siya sa akin nang mabilis, tapos nagbalik agad ng tingin sa papel. “Focus, Xena.”
Tumawa ako, leaning forward. “Awww, naiilang ka ba? Don’t worry, it was just a dare. Unless… you’re still thinking about it?”
Hindi siya sumagot, pero yung tightening ng jaw niya was answer enough.
And wow. Jackpot.
Habang nagtuturo siya, wala talaga akong maisip kundi ang reaction niya. Alam kong hindi niya sasabihin. Alam kong i-de-deny niya. Pero halata sa body language niya.
So ayun. Instead of solving equations, I doodled sa notebook ko.
Unang drawing: Kyle with cat ears.
Pangalawa: Kyle with a grumpy face.
Pangatlo: Kyle with me beside him, both of us laughing.
Tapos bago ko namalayan, nagsusulat na naman ako. Dialogue this time. A scene kung saan nag-aaway kami, tapos naglalapit, tapos—ugh, you know where this is going.
I hid my smile, kinagat ko labi ko. If only he knew.
---
“Xena.” Bigla niyang tawag.
Napalingon ako, halos napatalon. “W-what?”
“You’re not listening.”
“I am!” mabilis kong sagot. “Game theory, di ba?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Then explain the Nash equilibrium.”
“… Nash… equilibrium?” Gulp.
He sighed, pinikit sandali ang mata. “Notebook. Now.”
Napatakip ako agad. “No!”
He reached across the table, mabilis, at bago ko namalayan—hawak na niya notebook ko.
My heart dropped. Oh. My. God.
“Give it back!” tumayo ako, pilit inaagaw.
Pero mas matangkad siya, mas malakas. With one hand, he held it up high, habang ako, nakatalon-talon trying to grab it.
“Seriously, Xena?” tumaas kilay niya. “You’re hiding something.”
“No! That’s private!”
“Then why are you so desperate?”
“Because it’s—!” Hindi ko natapos, kasi binuksan niya na.
Time froze.
Nakita ko kung paano nag-shift yung expression niya. From annoyed → curious → shocked. Kasi unang page pa lang, may nakasulat na: “The strict tutor who doesn’t know he’s already the villain and the hero of my story.”
Shit. s**t. s**t.
Tahimik lang siya. Binabasa pa rin.
Ako naman, parang gusto nang matunaw. “K-Kyle… give it back. Please.”
Finally, he closed it. Pero hindi niya agad iniabot. Tinitigan lang niya ako, matagal, with those unreadable eyes.
And then he said, in that low voice: “So this is how you see me.”
I froze. “I-I just… it’s nothing, okay? Just a silly hobby.”
He leaned closer, hawak pa rin ang notebook. “Nothing? You call this nothing?”
My throat went dry.
For a second, akala ko i-co-confront niya ako. Na sasabihin niya na this was inappropriate, unprofessional, childish.
But instead… he gave it back. “Study first. Write later.”
And just like that, balik siya sa poker face mode.
Pero ako? Hindi na ako okay.
Kasi nakita niya. Nabasa niya. At kahit hindi niya sinabi, ramdam ko: hindi niya ‘yon basta makakalimutan.
At ako rin.
That night, habang nakahiga ako sa kama, notebook sa dibdib ko, isang thought lang ang paulit-ulit:
What if… someday… he’ll want to be the main character of my story too?
- Writer
