Put your head on my shoulder

Chapter 11: Time

That bus ride was the last one- the last time I saw Kang Se-ra.

However I didn't know that; my eyes searched for her everyday whenever I passed by her school, whenever I boarded Bus 98; I even searched for her whenever I passed her neighborhood-craning my neck to see if I could spot her, hoping that I would run into her unexpectedly.

Like a fool, I heard the news of her departure too late.

It was a Friday evening when me and my friends were all gathered together to play basketball when I heard a few of the older hyungs in the other team talking about it.

When I heard what they were talking about, my heart took a deep dive.

"Hey that rich and beautiful girl; Kang Se-ra, did you hear that she left for U.S. a few days ago?" someone began and Seo Joon hyung replied,

"Yeah my sister was her close friend; she was crying all week over it. Apparently she got into this famous music school, I don't remember what's the name June-something -"

A hyung whose name I didn't know chuckled and corrected him,

"It's Julliard pabo! Yah you only have the beauty and brawn, no brains." he laughed mockingly and Seo Joon hyung glared at his friend and trapped him in a headlock in retaliation. The others shook their heads at their antics and continued with the ongoing game.

Meanwhile those words made me freeze and drop the ball I was holding.

*****************************************************

Present day-Years later...

Time is a funny and bizzare concept- even though they say that it heals all wounds and heartaches, well I beg to differ.

The years have changed me a lot and then some in some ways yet for the most part I'm still the same, I think. While my brother claims that I really have changed in a lot of significant ways over the years, my mother insists that I'm still the same not-quite-a-boy-anymore, that I've always been and still am way mature than my age.

Changes are a funny concept too- things change, relationships change, heck even towns and cities change over the years ; I was flabbergasted when I visited my hometown last year after two years of not being able to because of my hectic schedule.

 Yet, even after all these years which have passed, my heart  still yearns for the girl who is my first love, memories of her beautiful smile and adorable clumsiness flood my mind every now and the, the one who I didn't even confess my feelings to.

I mean, many would judge me for being cliched or old fashioned, but I can't seem to forget her, even after all these years. I truly believed that she was the one- my soulmate.

Even after achieving all I ever wanted and following my dreams after much persuading done on my part to convince my parents, even after supposedly having made it 'big'- from rags to riches, I still feel that ache sometimes in my heart which grieves over that youthful first love which blossomed in Daegu.

Every now and then I take out that Eiffel Tower keyring which Se-ra had dropped in the bus that day, one which I never got to return to her. I take it out and clutch it tightly in my palm, and strangely the warm it provides soothes my heart, like the warm her small head used to provide to my shoulder during those bus rides.

I miss her giddy grins, her cute clumsiness, the dreamy look which always lit up her brown orbs and her melodious voice which had made me fall for her.

 Its not as if I'm not happy- I'm happy and more than satisfied with my life, with my new family- my hyungs and fellow members of BTS, my fans; the ones who support me and appreciate my work. I'm happy, but still a small part of me isn't. Because I haven't seen her since she left for Julliard all those years ago.

Sometimes Namjoon and Hoseok tease me about it- about the fact that I still "pine for her every now and then"(seeing as they are the only ones who I told; or rather I should say that they pestered me until I spilled all about my tragic teen love story and now he and Jin and Hoseok are the ones who know all about my one-sided and short lived romance.) 

Hoseok says in a matter-of-factly tone, "Dude, you didn't even date her. Its not as if she was your girlfriend or something."

Namjoon agrees with a nod and adds, "Yeah, he was too chicken to even confess his feelings. Hahaha." Well, he has always been outgoing and an extrovert so he can never understand why I couldn't bring myself to confess to a girl I liked in high school- someone should tell him that its easier said than done.

Jin simply guffaws at their taunts, that little backstabber; but when I glare at my roommate, he puts his palms up in the air in a conciliatory gesture and simply shrugs at me.

And they are all true about it, even I have to grudgingly admit that fact- 

Technically speaking, me and Se-ra didn't even talk that much and only had about a handful of chance encounters. Hell, she didn't even know that I existed, much less that I liked her. 

Also, when we did talk a little a couple of times, it was just all brief and polite and formal. I can count on one hand the number of interactions we had.

 Yet, each and every second was special-It was simply soul recognition when I first laid my eyes on her; what they call as 'love at first sight'.