Sleepless Nights(Tagalog)

The First Visit

Pagkatapos ng gabing yun ay unti-unti kong sinubukang bumangon. Lola is still mad at me for hiding my relationship with Javi and I’m still trying to earn her trust back. I still felt guilty that I went out that night without telling her again but I promised myself that that would be the last.

My high school life ended in just a blink of an eye and now I’m preparing for College. Nang unti-unti ng gumagaan ang loob ni lola ay pinayagan niya na ako kahit papano lumabas kahit ayaw ko naman sana. I was able to attend my friend, Leonor’s intimate birthday celebration at napag desisyon ng lahat na walang mag o-open topic tungkol sa nangyari sa amin ni Javi kaya nag-enjoy din naman ako kahit papano.

I’m happy that everyone now is at ease now that I’m doing better and I’m really trying to be but I felt like a fraud because my mask fell when the night came and behind the closed doors. Kagaya ngayong gabi, nasa balkonahe na naman ako at hindi na mabilang kung ilang baldeng luha na naman ang tumulo sa mga mata ko. Ito na ata ang night pill ko para makatulog tuwing gabi.

Malayang nililipad ng mahamog na hangin ang nakalugay kong buhok kaya napabuntong hininga na lamang ako sa sarap ng pakiramdam habang nakatingala sa bilog na bilog na namang buwan. Dati ay takot akong tumambay dito sa balkonahe lalo na kung gabi dahil talagang tanaw dito ang itim na kagubatan. Pero ngayon ay dito ako nakakahanap ng kapayapaan pagkatapos ng ilang oras na pag iyak.

"Are you hurt?"

I flinched when I heard the faint voice beside me. Agad kong hinanap ang may ari ng boses at nanlaki ang mata ko pagkatingin ko sa kaliwang gilid ko.

A man with a blank look is leaning on the baluster and is staring at me. The hair on my body suddenly stood up and my first reaction was to move away as far as possible.

"Who are you?!" I asked, alarmed.

A slight smile crept into the man's face before answering.

"I came because I felt your pain." he answered vaguely.

"Uhmm.. That doesn't answer my question, Mister," I frowned, still can't believe that I had company in the middle of the night.

Para akong matutunaw sa paraan ng pagkakatitig nito kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pagtatanong.

"T-this is a private property, you're.. you're not allowed here and I wonder how you are able to climb on my balcony, are you a burglar?" I stutter in nervousness. May kakaiba sa lalaking ito na hindi ko ma pinpoint.

He chuckled like nothing was wrong.

"If I am, then I shouldn't confess right?" he asks in amusement.

oh my ghad! Ang tanga ko! Oo nga naman. Sinong nga namang magnanakaw ang aamin na magnanakaw sila. Naramdaman ko agad ang pang iinit ng dalawang pisngi ko. Gustong-gusto ko na talagang paluin ang ulo ko dahil sa katangahan but I decided to keep my cool and clear my throat instead.

"You-you should leave Mister, or else…. I’ll-I'll scream." I threatened him.

Kung may masamang balak ito ay dapat kanina pa nito ginawa at kaya nitong gawan ako ng masama dahil ano lang naman ang lakas ko sa lakas nito. Pero sa mukha at bihis pa lang nito ay malalaman mo ng maykaya ito kaya imposible naman sigurong magnanakaw ito. Kaya kung pwede lang naman maresulba sa pag uusap ang ginawa nito ay may gugustuhin ko iyon.

"How unfortunate, I really want to get to know you." He replied, still staring at me with his cold eyes.

Our distance was just a few feet away so I could properly examine him. He has this foreign feature that is pleasant to the eyes. Pale skin, delicate nose, and thin lips. A quality that you always see in women but he's still worthy to be called handsome. Nakasuot siya ng all back mula sa black niyang long sleeve polo na bukas ang tatlong botunes sa ibabaw kaya kitang-kita ang mapuputi nitong dibdib black na modern jeans and sapatos na halatang mamahalin. He also towered me with an impressive height.

What really caught my attention are his cold eyes that hold no emotion but still hypnotizing...

Soft and soothing, two words that describe his physique like he is a korean manhwa character.

Unlike Javi who's rough,broad and manly.

A smirk forms on his lips.

"Like what you're seeing?" He teased me and I instantly blushed and turned away realizing that I’ve been ogling him in plain sight.

"I-i need to memorize the face of the stranger who climbed up my balcony, just In case, you'll do something bad to me. " I said in defense, clearing my throat again.

The man just nods, grinning in enjoyment.

"Then since you memorize my face, can I get to know you?" He asks as he walks near me and sits on the opposite chair where I’m sitting earlier.

"Not until you tell me your name, and what are your intentions?" Napaupo na rin ako pabalik sa inuupuan ko kanina at nakahalukipkip na tinanong siya.

He laughs in amusement at mukhang nakuha nito na i-interrogate ko talaga siya.

Maraming emosyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Curiosity, annoyance, doubt but the fear and distress was gone now. For an unknown reason, nag-i-enjoy akong kausap ang estrangherong ito..

His face became serious when he saw that I’m not joking. Narinig kong napa buntong hininga na lamang ito. He placed his elbow on the table, resting his jaw on his hand while looking at me intently. Agad naman akong umiwas ng tingin dahil sa hiya sa paraan ng pagtitig nito.

"I smell a delightful scent of blooming flowers here," he murmured enough for me to hear.

Parang naglahong bula ang kanina’y nararamdaman kong pagdududa kaya hindi ko na pinansin na hindi niya sinagot ang mga katanungan ko.

"What are you? A bee? If that's the case, my Lola's garden is the one that attracts you. The small roses are the one who gives the finest scent." I said proudly.

"I don't think so.. I'm sure it's here," He disagrees with the mysterious look.

I frown in confusion.

Ano ba talaga ang gusto ng lalaking ito?

"Anyway, care to tell me why you're crying earlier?" He asks, instantly changing the topic. I immediately felt uncomfortable but something inside me urged me to answer all his questions.

"I-I remembered someone. . ." I replied shortly, avoiding eye contact.

He hummed in response while nodding his head and lean on the chair’s backrest,

“Me too, I went to visit a friend today, turns out they were all dead."

I suddenly felt his pain and my hand automatically reached his hand and squeezed it out of sympathy, "My condolences, I don't know that you're in grief." I said and the man's eyes glanced at his hand. Agad na naman akong pinamulahan ng mukha ng napagtanto ang ginawa. I immediately withdrew my hand and the man just smiled at her.

A moment of awkward silence had passed before I decided to break it.

"This balcony gives me solace whenever I feel sad these past few months but it's not enough. I’m having a hard time moving on. I wish I could erase all the unwanted thoughts and be able to sleep in comfort tonight," I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh.

I’m still confused with what I’m doing right now. Parang natapon lahat ng senses ko kaya feeling ko hindi ako makapag isip ng tama. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko or kung ano ang tamang gawin.

"I can grant that." Napabalik ako sa kasalukuyan ng marinig ulit ang boses ng lalaking kanina pa ako pinagmamasdan. Tumayo ito at inalok ang isang kamay sa akin.

I took it without hesitation but shivers at the touch. His hand is as cold as ice that even my skin’s hair stands up. When we reached my room door, he faces me and said,

"The weather is cold so you cannot stay long outside, and we don't want you attracting other bees right?" His smile always makes me feel confused but I decided to ignore it and smile at him too.

Like Javi, I wish he's more transparent and can easily read his emotions through his eyes but he's not. For me, he's like a box of treasure, waiting to be opened and uncover the secret of its stories and origin.

"Your clothes are too thin," he added, making her blink from spacing out.

His eyes lowered on my bare shoulder. Hindi ko man lang namalayang nakababa na pala ang strap ng nightgown ko. Itataas ko sana ito ng siya na mismo ang nagtaas nito.

He slowly raises it back to my shoulder brushing my skin with his pointer finger. Napalunok ako sa kakaibang sensasyon naidulot nito kaya agad na namang nag init ang pisngi ko.

He helped me settle in bed and then sat beside me. Parang gumaan naman agad ang pakiramdam ko pagkahiga. Hindi ko pa rin maiwasan tingnan ang blanko at maamo nitong mukha habang inaayos niya ang kumot ko. He also tucked my loose hair at the back of my ear and my throat went dry at the sudden touch again. His eyes may be void but it was soft and calming like a lullaby that she likes to listen to and be able to sleep peacefully.

I lay in the bed and still watched him as he moved. I want to remember every detail about this night and also about him..

"Sleep well, Selena..." he whispers.

When I was about to ask how he knew my name. My eyelids become heavy and I fell into a deep slumber with ease that night..

I woke up early in the morning when the rays of the sun coming from the gap of my window hit my face. Ito na yata ang unang pagkakataong natulog ako ng mahimbing sa nakalipas na ilang buwan. Napatihaya ako sa paghiga sa kama habang tulalang nag iisip ng panaginip ko kagabi.

Kakaibang panaginip naman yun. . .

Lahat ng detalye talaga sa preska pa sa isip niya kahit ang mukha ng gwapong lalaki na nagpatulog sa kanya kagabi. Napatingin ako sa pintuan kung nasaan ang balkonahe. Kita ang malaking kandado nito kung nasaan ako nakahiga at hindi rin nagalaw sa kinalalagyan ang susi nito na nakasabit sa dingding. It was securely locked so there's no way that my dream was real right?

I’m still in doubt so I decided to stand and went to the door to make sure. I then get the sets of keys from the wall. There’s no way someone could guess which keys are because of how many options they should try first. Only Lola and I knew which keys were for. I open the thick double door that opens me to my own small balcony. It was made out of hard wood so there’s no way that someone could break it without using any kind of strong tools to use.

A smile crept on my face when I was welcomed with fresh and moist air coming from the forest. You can still see the wet leaves from the trees because of the thick fog last night. The golden rays of the morning sun are radiating towards the balcony but not yet high enough to reach the balcony but it makes the grass and trees glimmer in sunlight.

Napatingin ako sa bundok kung saan kita ang malawak na kakahuyan. Para sa akin ay para din itong karagatan na maraming hiwaga at naghihintay lamang na madiskubre..

It's nice that our house was at the foot of the forest and my room was upstairs facing it but dangerous at the same time. Kaya sinigurado talaga ni Lola na mataas at matibay ang mga bakod na hanggang kalahati ng bahay para daw walang makakapasok na mga mababangis na hayop. Ni minsan naman ay hindi nangyaring may pumasok na ligaw na hayop sa amin dahil may harang din naman ang paanan ng gubat pero naninigurado pa rin si Lola. Ang bahay namin ay simpleng dalawang palapag na bahay lang naman na gawa sa cemento at kinulayan ng puti. At ang paborito kong lugar ay ang mismong kwarto ko kung saan simple lang din pero malawak.

Napatingin ako sa upuan kung saan ako umupo at ang lalaki kagabi. Nilapitan ko ito at wala ano mang bakas na may umupo dito kagabi kahit nga aking inupuan. Hindi ko rin talaga maalala kung binuksan ko ba talaga ang pintuan kagabi o nakatulog lang akong umiiyak.

I was at ease when I confirmed that it was all a dream but bothered at the same time. Ganito na ba ako ka lungkot para gumawa ng ganoong panaginip ang isip ko?

I bit my lips when again the heaviness in my heart came back. I shake my head to stop my train of thoughts. Ayokong simulan ang araw ko ng kalungkutan please lang..

And then my thoughts were diverted back to my dreams last night. I giggle when I remember how I behaved last night. Kung hindi talaga ito panaginip ay sumigaw na siguro ako pagkakita ko pa lang sa lalaki kahit na anong gwapo pa nito. Paano kung multo pala yun? pero ang gwapo naman ng multo yun. Napa hagikhik na lang ako dahil sa mga kahihiyang ginagawa ko sa panaginip ko kagabi.

"Selena? Apo gumising ka na, tulungan mo muna ako dito," napabalik ako sa kasalukuyan ng marinig ang sigaw ni Lola mula sa ibaba.

It was my cue to go back to reality and get ready to face another day but this time with amusement on myself.